


Sweet Melodies

by Kaname84, TyyTyy



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Band Fic, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Feels, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27927973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaname84/pseuds/Kaname84, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyyTyy/pseuds/TyyTyy
Summary: Nothing can bring a pair together like loss. While this is something Kawaki tries to avoid at all costs, a certain blond is determined to worm his way into Kawaki's life... and he does, so much easier than should be possible. They both have many demons to work through, but if they could get through their pasts together, they could find true happiness.
Relationships: Kawaki/Uzumaki Boruto
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One- Kawaki**

Love. It was the worst thing anyone could ever experience. Truthfully, it could bring about the happiest of times, but it could bring about so many nasty emotions as well. The way I looked at it, there were a lot more cons than pros, but some people were blissfully unaware of that. I’d learned the hard way… 

There’s that old saying, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all… but that was nonsense, a rouse to make people believe it was worth a shot. As if being forced to love your family wasn’t enough heartache, people should put themselves out there for a complete stranger, fall in love only to be left as half the person they were before. 

Yeah… I learned the hard way and I knew I’d never be the same guy I used to be. 

The only thing constant in my life was pain and then there was the fleeting but overwhelming guilt that consumed me on occasion. Once, there was a time when I was like everyone else when I was blissfully unaware and  _ happy.  _ I loved. I loved so much… and then I lost. The grief I felt from the loss far exceeded any amount of joy I ever experienced. I regretted it. I wished from the bottom of my black heart that I’d never been foolish enough to give in to such idiotic feelings. 

Some days I was numb. I didn’t feel anything. But other days, the pain was brutal. 

I was in my second year of college, a young man who truly had nothing to live for who, somehow, wasn’t willing to throw his life away. I wanted to live… I didn’t understand why, but that’s just how I felt. I knew I didn’t want to die… death was even emptier than I was, so it wasn’t something I looked forward to. So, I kept myself going, attending my classes, and living my life as I had before the worst of the pain wedged its way into my soul. 

Things had changed so much though. I distanced myself from everyone left in my life, erecting walls so strong that nobody dared to even think about approaching me. It was a dull life I was living… but I was here. I was alive. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just. But it was reality. My life had been spared—no, saved. Twice now. No matter what, I wasn’t stupid enough to throw it away after coming so close to losing it. 

Most of the time though, I didn’t really feel like I was living. I was here… but nothing much more than that. The only thing I enjoyed doing, wasn’t even enjoyable anymore. That didn’t stop me from doing it though. Music was the only passion I had left and whether I felt passionate about it anymore or not wasn’t the issue. It was just something I couldn’t let go. My guitar was always on my person, even if I wasn’t always playing. I recorded my own songs and when I was feeling particularly depressed, instead of playing, I listened to my playlist and sang along to it. 

After lunch, I had a free period before my next class and every day, I wandered outside away from everyone to my favorite hiding place. It was just under an old cherry blossom tree that was one of many in Japan, but it was the only one that meant anything to me. Because it was the only place of solace I’d found after everything went to hell. I dropped my bag and my guitar case and rested against the trunk of the tree as I dug my earbuds out of my vest pocket and slipped them in my ears. I started my playlist and closed my eyes, the music bringing me immediate peace and comfort. 

Yes, this was all I had… this I couldn’t let go. 

As much as I loathed it, every song I wrote reflected my pain—a pain so agonizing not many could understand. A pain like carving out your own heart, piece by piece until there was nothing left. But I made it interesting, my faded passion not any less skillful than it ever had been. There were times when I surprisingly wanted to cry… I just wanted to let loose, I wanted to feel, to express myself through emotion. Instead, I always ended up with a new song. I didn’t have it in me to form any tears. 

I sighed to myself, moving to lay flat on the ground with my eyes still closed. I hummed along to the song for a bit before starting to sing the lyrics aloud. It was the softest song I’d ever composed… a song that I’d written before the worst of the pain arrived. It was my favorite song because it reminded me of the time I was blissfully unaware—the time when I could actually feel things. It had come to me so naturally and even now, it flowed off my tongue with ease. 

Easy as it was… I wondered to myself why even this song couldn’t bring about the tears. If only I could cry, even just one time… maybe I could let it all go. By the time I finished the first verse, I was completely engrossed, my hand laying over my heart as I harmonized with my recorded self. I didn’t hold back, I never did. I just let it all out, pouring myself into the song and feeling the words resonate in my mind and soul. 

So maybe I used to be a sap… and as much as I couldn’t stand the thought of love, all of my songs were about just that. Most of them were about the bad side of the feeling, but this one, in particular, was about the good… that deceitful rapture that most people couldn’t live without.

And yet here I was, wishing I’d never had to experience the mess. Yes… I was a man full of regrets. 

Once I finished singing the song, I hummed along to the guitar’s melody until it was finished and then slowly opened my eyes to stare up at the blossoming Sakura tree, but instead, I found myself staring into the bluest eyes. I blinked for a moment, thinking I was seeing things,  _ great now I’m having hallucinations.  _ But no, there was a boy leaning over me, those blue eyes of his sparkling in amazement. He was close. Way too close. 

I didn’t avert my eyes, but I pulled the earbuds from my ears and yawned, suddenly sleepy. “Do you mind?” I didn’t know who this guy was… but I’d been pretty sure that I’d frightened everybody away from me by now…

“I just can’t believe it.” The blonde said. “All this time I’ve been searching for the perfect voice and it was right under my nose . . . how long have you been on campus? Where have you been hiding? Hell, what’s your name?”

So many questions… this guy was crazy and still too close. “Back up.” I scoffed, pushing at his chest, though gently. When he sat back, I sat up and sighed.  _ So much for my hiding spot.  _ “How did you find me?”

“Oh, I’ve been looking for a while.” The blonde smiled. “Those are some amazing vocal chords you have, I even got goosebumps!” He said and rolled up his sleeve to show me.

My brows twitched and I looked away with another sigh. “Shouldn’t you be at lunch or something?” I didn’t have time for people… and this guy… something about him set my nerves on edge. 

“Eh, this is way more important than food. So what’s your name? I’m Boruto.” He introduced. 

“I’m nobody. Forget you ever saw me.” I grumbled and laid back down, rolling on my side away from him. 

“You’re so cool.” The guy, Boruto, said excitedly. “A man with a killer voice who sings to no one, I love it. What was the song you were singing before? I’ve never heard it. Do you sing professionally, or-” He gasped. “Are you a music major too? That would be awesome! What if we have a lot in common, you know? We could be friends.”

This amount of enthusiasm couldn’t be healthy. “Forget the song. Forget me singing. Forget me. I’m not a music major and I don’t want to be friends.” In a matter of seconds, this guy had spoken more to me than anyone had in months. It was unsettling. 

“Come on, don’t be like that,” Boruto said and leaned over me again. “This is one of those chance meetings. Fate. I can feel it in my gut, you’re the one.”

_ The one?  _ The blood drained from my face and I rolled back onto my back to look at him. How could anyone be so happy when they were dealing with a guy like me? “There’s no such thing as fate and I’m far from  _ the one.  _ Whatever the hell that means.”

“The one I’ve been looking for!” Boruto exclaimed, not at all put-off. “Haven’t you been listening? Look, I’m in need of a vocalist and after hearing your voice I’ve got to have you. What do you say? I’m sure a badass like you would fit right in.”

“I’m not your guy.” I deadpanned. “Keep looking.”

The blonde sighed and sat back up. “Well . . . I tried. Can I at least get your name now that you’ve utterly and completely rejected me?”

I frowned, not understanding why he wanted to know my name so badly. But if he asked around about me, that would only help keep him away. “Kawaki.”

Boruto grinned brightly before he stood. “That wasn’t so hard, right? See you tomorrow, Kawaki-kun!”

I jolted up, gaping at the back of the blonde as he ran off. What the hell did he call me… and I just know he didn’t say he was coming back tomorrow… he obviously had a few loose screws under that messy hair. I sighed yet again, completely dejected. I didn’t need anyone like him around me… he was way too happy. 

The rest of my day was back in order, nothing strange or blonde happening—thankfully. After my classes, I walked home slowly, it taking the same half hour it always took to get to my apartment. I had a part-time job at a local music store where I worked the afternoon shift, having just enough time to grab a bite to eat before heading in every other day. I really didn’t like dealing with people at all, but thankfully I didn’t have to do much of that with my job. And I did have to work, otherwise, I would be homeless and starve. 

My shift was the usual, uneventful. When I returned to my apartment, I cooked myself a simple dinner, showered, and then sat on the floor with my guitar, playing until I finally found myself growing tired enough to sleep. I got into bed and laid on my side, knowing it was late. I was beat, but it still took me another hour or maybe longer before I fell asleep. 

The next day came too quickly, but that’s just how things went. Time was relentless, constant, annoying. My morning class was the same as always, boring, pointless. Afterward, I grabbed a drink out of the vending machine and headed outside, my sights set on my hiding spot. I made my way there slowly, drank my drink, and then pulled out my guitar. It was a nice day, such a shame it was so… lifeless. Or was it?

Shrugging off my wayward thoughts, I started playing and soon started singing my own song. Ever since I could write my own music, I never sang anyone else’s. I loved what I created, even if I hated it at the same time and I never wanted to let it go. This was the only time I could lose myself… I could forget and pretend like I was moving past the past and looking towards the future. But really, I was just getting by. Today’s song wasn’t as light, it was dark actually, angry, a quick tempo with constant changing bars that I really enjoyed. I rested against the tree, closing my eyes as I succumbed to the music, forgetting everything else, if only for the time being. 

However, everything came crashing down after the last note sounded, a familiar voice making itself known. “You play guitar too, this just keeps getting better! Did you write that song too, Kawaki-kun?”

“What the hell?” I opened my eyes to glare at the intruder, trying to figure out why he thought he had the right to call me that—and why it made my ears burn. “Where did you come from?”

“Your dreams.” Boruto winked and then laughed at the face I made. “I’m kidding, obviously. So how long have you been playing for? Can you play an electric guitar too?”

“Stop with the questions. None of it matters.” I huffed, unbelievably embarrassed to have him coming at me like this. It had been a long time since anyone acted like I was something special. “You can go now.”

Boruto got comfortable instead and dug into the bag he had with him. “Eh, why would I do that when you’re here?” He pulled out two lunch boxes, one pink and one red. “Hungry? Can I bribe you with food?”

“Not a chance.” I scoffed, though couldn’t prevent my eyes from glancing at the boxes. I was a little hungry maybe. I scowled at the boxes before reaching over and snatching up the red one. “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course not.” Boruto smiled and opened up the pink one. “I’d like to say something moving like I made it for you myself, but I can’t cook for shit.”

I rolled my eyes as I opened the box now resting on my leg. I didn’t give a damn who cooked it, as long as it tasted good. Without wasting any time, I grabbed the provided chopsticks and started eating. It was delicious and I assumed it showed on my face from the way Boruto was grinning at me, leaning far too close, eyes sparkling. 

“Too close,” I muttered, using my elbow to push him and put some distance between us. 

“Oh, you’re shy. I get it.” Boruto nodded and had a few bites of his own food. “There’s nothing wrong with saying you like it, though. I know how good it is and would only offer you the best.”

“I’m not shy.” I snapped. “I just don’t like the way you stare at me all happy-like. Stop it.”

The blonde blinked at me before schooling his features. “I can be serious. See, look. No smiling. No laughing. Only . . .” The sides of his mouth twitched. “Only dark clouds and r-rain.” Not a moment later he busted out laughing.

This guy… he was insane… and somehow… my lips were twitching. No way. I coughed to get myself together and shook my head at his antics before having some rice. I chewed, swallowed, and then glanced back at him. “This was considerate of you, but it’s not going to change my mind. I don’t want to be your friend or anything else.”

“How come?” He asked and pointed his thumb up at himself. “I’m a pretty good guy, you know? Trustworthy. Honest. Get to know me and you’ll see. I would be a good friend.”

“I’m a loner for a reason, okay? I don’t like people. It doesn’t matter who.” I said and looked around at the bento full of goodies to decide what to go for next. 

“But you like music and that’s all that really matters.”

“Maybe I do… maybe I don’t. It doesn’t matter.” I shrugged. “I’m not going to change my mind. Period.”

Boruto hummed and took a few more bites. “You’re stubborn for sure, but I stand by what I said. This is fate. I’m going to get you to become my lead vocalist, believe it.”

His determination was impressive. “You have a band?” I asked before I could stop myself. 

“Yep and I’m the leader.” He grinned proudly. “We’re pretty cool too.”

“What do you play?” Or better yet… why the hell was I asking?

“Curious?” He mused cheekily and leaned over again. “Come join and find out.”

My face set in a scowl and I turned my nose up. “No thanks.”

“Damn, thought I had you that time,” Boruto said and sat back.

He most certainly didn’t. I couldn’t believe this guy, he was something else and I was done with having this useless conversation. Without another word, I started eating, faster. If he wouldn’t leave, I would. 

“Whoa, you really were hungry,” Boruto observed and then held out his lunch box. “You can have mine too if you want.”

My lips fell apart at the gesture and I stared at him, trying to understand him, but that didn’t seem possible. He really was hard to read, or maybe I was just out of practice. Either way, I just couldn’t… “Sorry, I almost wish I could help you. But I can’t.” I said as I put the chopsticks in the box and closed it. I sat it beside him and then got to my feet. “Thanks for the food.”

“You’re welcome . . .” Boruto trailed, looking at me carefully. “See you later, Kawaki-kun.”

That honorific had me flinching yet again, but instead of commenting on it, I put away my guitar and gathered my things, hoping I wouldn’t be seeing him again. I was going to have to find a new hiding place. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two- Boruto**

“Boruto, you’re late!” Metal scolded as I came into our practice room. Shikadai was there too, tuning up his guitar.

“Sorry, I got held up,” I said as I set my thing down.

“Recruiting?” Shikadai supplied. “Was it the same guy from yesterday?”

I sighed and crossed my arms. “He’s a slippery bastard. I spotted him after my last class, but he booked it as soon as I called out to him. Couldn’t find him after that . . . and we were just getting friendly too, ate together and everything.”

Metal twirled his drumsticks from his seat behind the set, frowning. “Seems to me he’s not interested, B. Maybe we’ll find someone else.”

“No way!” I quickly protested. “I’m telling you guys, he was really something. No one sings like that, we won’t find another voice even close to his. It’s got to be him. My mind is made up.”

Metal and Shikadai shared a look. “Well, we don’t really have a choice here. You know how he is.” Shikadai told the drummer and I grinned.

“Just leave it to me! We’ll be rockstars in no time.” I assured. “Now let’s get to work.”

The three of us practiced for hours, barely resisting the temptation to play late into the night. We could only do so much without a singer, but the music and even the lyrics were there. I had been searching for what seemed like forever for the last piece of the puzzle. Kawaki-kun was hesitant, but I was sure he would come around. I headed home after saying goodbye to the guys and stopped next door at Granny Myu’s apartment for dinner. Then I went to my own apartment and flopped on the bed, passing out almost instantly despite the noise from the people upstairs.

I was raring to go the next morning after a shower and headed to the bus stop. Today was the day Kawaki-kun would say yes, I just knew it. I got off the bus a little bit before it passed campus so I could visit the cafe that was nearby. I bought breakfast and a few other things and ate as I walked along, arriving on campus in less than five minutes. My first couple of classes dragged on, but that was mainly because I was eager to see Kawaki-kun again. I went to his hiding spot right when my break started, but he was nowhere to be seen. I waited around for a little while thinking he might be running late, but there was still no sign of him.

Either he was absent or he was hiding again. He did that a lot according to what I found out. I had asked around, finding out some things, but no one really knew that much about him. He was in his second year like me and kept to himself. Though from what I heard, no one went out of their way to approach him either. I knew he was intimidating at first glance because of his height and bad boy aura, but he seemed nice enough to me. People just wrote him off too quickly. I looked around for him, both inside and outside, but I couldn’t find him. His hiding spot had to be somewhere other people wouldn’t go. Somewhere people didn’t stumble upon easily and he could play and sing without being heard. 

I got an idea and quickly went to check, mentally patting myself on the back when I located him on the roof. He was playing the guitar again, singing another melody I didn’t recognize. I had a pretty average memory aside from music. Once I heard something, I never forgot it and I was sure he had written his own songs. It only made me want him that much more. I snuck up beside him and sat down, quietly waiting for him to finish and enjoying hearing his voice. I could tell he put everything he was into his voice and it made his songs all the richer. He was amazing, one of a kind. 

I made my presence known when the song came to an end. “Are you a cat, Kawaki-kun? Fond of high places?” I teased. 

“You again?” He sighed in exasperation as he looked over at me with his grey eyes narrowed. “How’d you find me?”

“I have a nose for talent, I can sniff you out anywhere,” I said and held up the snacks I had bought at the cafe. “Check it out, this is some good quality stuff right here.”

“For the last time, I’m not interested.” He grumbled, eyes curiously glancing over the bag. 

“But we’re interesting!” I insisted. “And really good too. Come on, you know you want to. Be in a band with me.”

He shook his head, frowning. “A lot goes with being in a band, Boruto. Trust, respect, time, and money. I’m not willing to invest myself in something or anything like that. You’re really wasting your time.”

I set the bag down next to him and rested my face in my hand, elbow on my knee. “I already have all of those things, you don’t even have to worry about it. It’ll work out, just give us a chance. We’re worth it.”

Kawaki-kun grabbed the bag and opened it, quickly pulling out a snack. “What are your goals with your band anyway? Are you just doing this to pass time? For credits? What?”

I smiled at him, wide and bright. “For music.”

He swallowed the bite he’d taken before staring me down thoughtfully. “You love music that much?”

“Yep! Making music, sharing it and playing it with others . . . it doesn’t get any better than that.” I said. “If we happen to get famous along the way so be it. Then we’ll reach the hearts of even more people, you know?”

“I don’t like people… and I’m not sure I even like music anymore. It’s just… there.” He told me, sounding uncertain. 

I watched him for a moment, wondering what his story was. “Well, try it out and see. Maybe you’ll discover something new.”

He appeared torn and almost fearful, taking a moment before he spoke again. “I’m not so good with new things.”

“I’ll help you!” I suggested and sat up straight. “We can learn together, Kawaki-kun.”

He stiffened, staring off away from me. “I can’t believe you… so adamant. Are you always like this?”

I grinned. “Does a monkey fling its own shit?”

“What?” He bellowed, head turning to face me. “What the hell is that?  _ What _ ?”

I started laughing hard, unable to help myself. His expression was priceless.

“You don’t make any sense.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “What do you play?”

My hand came up to wipe at my eyes, laughter turning into chuckles. “Want to find out?”

“So infuriating.” He groaned, shooting me a glare but there was nothing cold behind it. “I asked and you should tell me.”

“Eh, I don’t really feel like it.” I shrugged, beaming at his irritation. “It won’t change your opinion of me if you know anyway, right? Plus it’s one of my few bargaining chips to coerce you into my band.”

“Why would I join a band when I know nothing about it?”

“There are two other members,” I began, “Shikadai and Metal. I’ve known them since high school and they are good guys, the type to always have your back. We have songs, lyrics, a practice space, and a recording booth too. All we’re missing is you, our lead singer.”

“You have lyrics?” He questioned in surprise. “Well, let me hear something.”

I blinked at him. “Uh . . . like a recording?” I asked and pulled out my phone. “I have some songs on here, but like I said we don’t have a vocalist. Or I could let you read some of the lyrics?”

“Sing it to me.” He said, resting his back against the short stone wall behind him. 

My hand held onto my phone a little tighter. “I’m not a singer . . . I don’t sing.” _Or can’t, rather._

“Yeah? Then neither do I.” He hummed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, really. I can’t,” I told him.

“That’s fine, I can’t either.” He shrugged. 

I opened and closed my mouth, not sure how to respond. “What’s it matter if I sing, anyway? I’m asking you to be our singer and we both know you’ve got the goods.”

“And I’m asking you to sing me some lyrics, but I guess neither of us is getting what we want.”

So it was like that, huh? I took a deep breath and parted my lips, but like I expected no sound came out. All I could do was mouth the words with small and airy whispers. 

“See?” I said before I even got to the second verse, a weak smile on my face. “Nothing . . .” 

“Why?” He frowned as he stared into my eyes, trying to understand. 

I shook my head, tapping it with my finger. “Everyone I’ve gone to says it’s all up here, but I don’t know how to fix it. That doesn’t affect my dream though . . . I have my place in the band. I still have my dream, you know?”

“... I’ll do it.”

“Really?” I asked in surprise. If I had known the pity card would have worked, I’d have played it sooner. “Alright!” I cheered and fist-pumped the air.

“You tried… so I will try too.” He said and held his hand out. “Let me see some lyrics.”

I grinned and handed over my cell phone. We spent the rest of the break going over songs and listening to records and I watched Kawaki-kun’s expression, eager to know what he thought about us. 

“You’ve got a decent sound and the lyrics… they’re good. Who wrote them?” He asked once he handed my cell back to me. 

Since he agreed to join the band I figured I could at least tell him that much. “I did. Told you we were cool.”

“You did?” He cocked a brow. “Interesting…”

“Yeah, I said we were that too.” I smiled but was actually curious. “Is it that surprising?” 

“Just a little… it’s so different from mine.”

I tilted my head at the way he said it, surely he knew . . . “Kawaki-kun, of course, it’s different. Everyone’s unique, it would be creepy if we wrote the same lyrics. Mine shows the parts of me and yours show parts of you. Each song is special and holds the meaning we put in it.”

He scoffed at that, looking as if he didn’t like what I had to say. “My lyrics don’t mean anything.”

“Uh huh . . .” I saw it for the pure denial it was but didn’t call him out on it.

“When do you practice?”

“Every afternoon if we can, but it’s okay if you can’t make it every time,” I said, not knowing his schedule. He might have a job or a cat to feed. “Your last class is the same time as mine, right? I head to practice right after.”

Kawaki-kun nodded. “Same time, but I work every other day. Have to go in today, so I’ll have to go tomorrow.”

I hummed in understanding. “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll let the guys know.” I couldn't wait to rub it in their faces.

“I’ll sing. I’ll play. But don’t expect anything else from me.”

“Fair enough,” I said as calmly as possible, trying to contain my excitement. We were finally on our way and had a vocalist.

“We’re not friends. We never will be.” He told me.

That put a downer on things, but if he felt that strongly about it then there was no helping the matter. “Alright . . .” I would just have to get him to change his mind in the future.

Kawaki-kun stood up and started gathering his things. “I’ll meet you outside of the campus gates tomorrow… after classes.”

“Got it!” I smiled and stood as well. 

We left the roof and went our separate ways for now and when I got to the practice room later that day, I was smug as hell. The guys were happy to have a singer and promised to welcome him into the band. I warned them about his conditions though, everyone needed to be upfront from the beginning. I was in a great mood for the rest of the day and practice went well too. Things were looking up. The walk home didn’t take long, it never did, and I told Granny Myu the good news too. She was happy for me and asked questions about Kawaki-kun over dinner. 

The people upstairs were as loud as ever when I went to my apartment, but I flopped down on my bed with a grin on my face. Sleep came quickly and I couldn’t wait for tomorrow. My morning went similar to yesterday, but I spoiled myself a bit at the cafe. I carried a bag of sweet buns with me to campus and was ready to share them with Kawaki-kun when it was time for our break. I found him on the roof again, guitar in hand, and took my place beside him as he sang. It was a different song every day and I wondered just how many he had written. I had a good number myself, so I had an idea. 

He ended his song abruptly and sniffed a few times before looking over at me. “I told you to meet me after school.”

“I will,” I said and greeted him with a smile. “Sweet bun?”

His brow twitched and he let out a rough breath before setting his guitar aside. It was then that I noticed it was a different guitar. Electric. “You just… give me a damn bun.”

I reached into the bag and handed one over, admiring the black and shiny instrument. I whistled after a closer inspection. “You’ve got good taste.”

“Whatever.” He grumbled before taking a bite of the bun and humming in surprise and amazement. “This… what is  _ this _ ?”

“A cinnamon roll,” I said and took another one out of the bag for myself. “But I like to call them sweet buns.”

“Delicious.” He said, grey eyes wide and mouth full. “So good.”

I giggled and had a bite of my own. “The best.”

“Maybe.” He muttered then, trying to tone down his reaction. 

“Definitely.” I corrected in light of his shyness. “So I told the guys and they’re on board,” I said, having another bite of sweet goodness. 

“Too bad… they should have talked you out of bringing me in.” Kawaki-kun mused before having another large bite. 

There was no way of that happening, they knew better than to even try. “I told them you were the one, they couldn’t argue against fate. _ And  _ I explained your voice is the shit. Hands down.”

“It’s not that good.” He mumbled after finishing the sweet bun, quickly licking his fingers clean. 

“Hit ith.” I spoke around my bun as I held it in my mouth, pulling out another from the bag and handing it over.

“Is not.” He argued. “You have more?” 

He took it and I moved the bun from my mouth. “That’s the last one, I may have eaten some in class. And it totally is, Kawaki-kun. I’ve never heard anything like it.”

“I shouldn’t take your last one.” He frowned but didn’t argue further when I waved him back. “I don’t think my singing is anything special.”

I could understand that. Sometimes it was hard to see your own talents, but his was there for sure. “Trust me, you’ve got it going on.”

“If you say so.” He shrugged. “I’ll pay for these...can’t be owing you.”

“Eh? But I gave it to you. Like a gift, you know?” He didn’t owe me anything. “Besides, joining our band was enough.”

“No. No, no.” He shook his head. “No gifts.”

He was stubborn about the weirdest things. “It’s just food.”

Kawaki-kun finished before pulling out some cash and handing it over. “Don’t fight me.”

“Well . . . alright,” I said and put the cash in my pocket even though I didn't like it. It made me feel guilty.

“Good.” He hummed. 

I ate the rest of my sweet bun and we talked about music and the band for the rest of the break. My classes seemed to take longer than ever and I was the first one out the door when my last one finally ended. The first practice as a whole band, it was going to be awesome. I hoped the chemistry between everyone would be good, but didn’t worry because I felt it in my gut that it would be. I found Kawaki-kun leaning against the campus gate and walked right up to him.

“Ready to go?” I asked, barely refraining from bouncing up and down.

He nodded once and took a step away from the gate. “Ready.”

I led the way to the bus stop and we didn’t have to wait long at all for the next one. I told Kawaki-kun more about Metal and Shikadai along the way, both the good and the bad. Shikadai was smart, but a lazy bastard. He didn’t slack when it came to playing though. I had a theory that he saved up all his energy for the guitar. Metal practiced the most out of all of us, but he could get nervous playing in front of strangers. He was better than he used to be however and was continuing to work on that. I led the way off the bus as well and showed Kawaki-kun into the building we were meeting up in. It held both the practice room and the studio, both of which were very nice and fairly expensive. He looked around on our way in and I waited for him to catch up before I opened the door to the practice room.

“Behold! The vocalist!” I proclaimed as I walked in. Shikadai looked up from the couch and Metal from behind his drum set.

“Yo.” Kawaki-kun greeted them, barely sparing them a glance as he set his guitar case down and opened it. 

“Sup,” Shikadai responded, looking at the case curiously.

Metal nodded and leaned forward on his stool. “Glad to have you.”

“What lyrics will we be using today?” Kawaki-kun asked as he moved the strap to his guitar over his head and continued to get prepared. 

I went over to the corner of the room to grab the music stand. “Shikadai, did you bring the sheet music?”

“Copied and printed.” He said and held it up. “Hey, Kawaki, right? What do you play? Lead or rhythmic?”

“Depends. How good are you?” He asked, tilting his head towards Shikadai in question. 

The other guitarist smirked and got up. “I’ll let you see for yourself. I’ll play lead on the first song if that’s cool.”

I set up the music stand next to the mic in front of Kawaki-kun before taking the sheet music from Shikadai. 

“No complaints here.” He grumbled.

Metal double-checked his drums while Shikadai got into place, picking up his guitar and giving one strum across the strings. I went to the case sitting on the waist-high shelf, unclasping it and taking out my bass. Then I went over and got hooked up.

“First real practice. Are you excited, B?” Metal asked knowingly and I shot him a grin.

“Oh, hell yeah,” I said and began tuning my strings.

Kawaki-kun looked from the sheet music to me and my bass. “Bass, huh?” He said, looking me over for a second and then returned his eyes to the sheet music. 

“Boruto’s more energetic than most can handle, but he’s strong and steady. The perfect bassist.” Shikadai commented.

“Such high praise coming from you.” I smiled, finishing up. “Everyone set?” I checked and they gave me the okay. “Alright, let’s do this!”

Metal counted us off and then we went for it. I focused in on the sound of my bass, feeling the core of it before looking over at Kawaki-kun. He was waiting while we played the intro, getting a feel for the music and our band’s aura. I couldn’t help smiling when he joined and sang the lyrics that I had written. Both Shikadai and Metal’s faces lit up in surprise and stared at Kawaki-kun in shock. Now they knew why I was so determined. This guy was the real deal. Shikadai was the first to recover and shook his head as he played, soon coming in with his back up vocals. Metal was grinning like crazy and we shared an excited look before my eyes went back to Kawaki-kun. 

He looked right at home and did the song justice, I was so happy to finally hear someone sing it. He fit in nicely and I couldn’t wait to see where we would go from here. My fingers plucked the strings as it released the deep and rich sound that I loved. There really was nothing like it, playing music. It was unbelievable, we were truly on our way now. I wasn’t expecting a recording deal and millions of hits right off the bat, but I was hopeful. It was the first practice and nothing clashed, not our styles or our notes. It was a good sign, a very good sign and we would only improve from here on out. I let myself get lost in the song and Kawaki-kun’s voice. I hadn’t even realized I closed my eyes until I strummed the final note, opening my eyes when it hummed in the speakers. 

Everyone was silent for a few moments as we took it all in. This was it, this was our band and our sound. I was ready to take on the world. 

“Promising. Exceedingly so.” Shikadai said.

“Fucking amazing is what you meant.” Metal chimed in.

I chuckled and glanced at our vocalist. “So . . . what did you think?”

He licked his lips and then looked at me. “It went well for our first go.” 

“Want to go again?” I asked with a wide smile.

“Of course.” He nodded, his features even more stoic than usual. 

It was a little odd, but I wrote it off as him getting serious. “Here we go, hit it!”

We practiced until the sun started to set and I had never felt so wired up. I could have gone all night, but resting was just as important as practicing was. We talked a little more and exchanged numbers before we went our separate ways and I was optimistic. I would give it my all to get better and better, to be a leader that everyone could be proud of. I sensed something deep in Kawaki-kun that he had locked away, nearly every lyricised did, but I hoped the heavy emotions would lighten during his time with us. It had been fate after all. We needed him and maybe one day he would need us too. That was a day I looked forward to, a day we could call ourselves a true band.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three—Kawaki**

In the blink of an eye, my life had been stormed by blonde hair, blue eyes, and an over-enthusiastic attitude. I just couldn’t shake Boruto, he’d reeled me in, got me to join his band and wormed his way into my day, every day since I met him. I didn’t like it. 

It had been two weeks since I agreed and started practicing with them and I really didn’t like that I somehow enjoyed being around the band, being around that infuriating blonde, playing music with him. He was still a mystery to me… one that a part of me wanted to solve… and I’d thought that part of me was dead. 

I hated it. 

It was a lot to take in and I didn’t know how to feel. The best I could do was keep myself as distanced as possible, but I would take my role in the band seriously. Boruto’s music was the opposite of my own—it fit him, his bubbly personality. It was vivid and colorful, so much lighter than my own. Singing it made me feel different. I didn’t like it. 

For so long now, I was accustomed to what was in my own head, what I tried so desperately not to feel. Since I’d joined his band though, my songs were forgotten, his had replaced them and I wasn’t sulking like I was used to doing. But I wasn’t happy either. I was miserable. I was afraid. It was too hard being around these guys so often—and Boruto every damn day. He wouldn’t back off, no matter what I said, he was always there. I just needed to be alone. 

Because I was supposed to be dead but I wasn’t, it just… it wasn’t fair that I was doing more than I had been. It wasn’t right that I had these band mates that treated me like a friend. It was so wrong to have Boruto looking at me with such a thrill in those blue eyes. The grief was as thick as it had ever been, anguish that was suffocating to the point that I couldn’t sleep at night. I should have never agreed. 

I knew I was the biggest piece of shit in history. I knew I didn’t deserve to be here, I shouldn’t have been socializing with these people or singing songs that didn't reflect the pain inside of me. The fact that I was, was why I was suffering so much more now. Because I knew I couldn’t even think about trying to be  _ happy.  _ That couldn’t happen for me… it wouldn’t… even if it was only because I forbid it. And I was right by refusing to feel such a way, it was the only thing I was right about at all. 

The stress was really wearing on me by the fourth week. I was falling asleep around the clock but never sleeping more than a few moments at a time—maybe an hour at the most. If it kept up, I would end up falling during practice and right when things were getting good enough for us to think about doing a gig. Maybe I would have to find something to help with my nerves… help with the nightmares… help me sleep at night. 

It was a cold day, but I welcomed the cool air as I laid down under the old tree and closed my eyes. As long as I wasn’t home, I drifted off easily enough, I just couldn’t get an adequate amount of sleep no matter where I was though. I didn’t even bother getting my earbuds to listen to any music, I just allowed myself to drift off, craving sleep even if only a little. 

“Kawaki-kun? Are you alright?”

_ No escape.  _ “Fine,” I grumbled, unable to peel my eyes open and look at him.  _ I didn’t need to be looking at him.  _

“You’ve been saying that for the last few days now and I’ve let it go, but I wouldn’t be the leader of the band if I didn’t notice these things,” Boruto said and I could hear him step closer. “Tired?”

“Fine, just… yeah.” I hummed quietly, drifting. 

“You can’t sleep outside, you know,” He said and nudged my leg. “Come with me, I know a place.”

I raised my hands to my eyes and rubbed them until I was able to pry them open. “Where? What’s wrong with here?”

“Just follow me. It’s not far,” He promised, smiling from behind his scarf.

Knowing he wouldn’t leave me be unless I went along, I slowly got to my feet and grabbed my stuff. My eyes dropped as I turned to him, already walking. He made me walk with him to the bus stop and while I usually opted to stand on transit, today I plopped down in a seat and let my head fall back. I’d never been so sleep deprived in my life. 

“We’re here,” Boruto said, shaking me lightly. 

“Hm?” My eyes shot open, feeling dry and achy. 

It was time to move again and I wasn’t happy about it. Begrudgingly, I got up to my feet, and grabbed my guitar case and bag off the floor. Boruto looked up at me, the concern in those blue eyes unmistakable. I was too tired to fight him when he gripped the front of my shirt and started tugging me behind him. 

“Where?” I groaned, feeling like a bobble head as I moved as quick as I could. Another minute and I’d probably be sleeping outside after all. 

“A place you can rest,” He answered and I heard the sound of keys. “Come on, in you go.”

I walked in the warm room and set my things right by the door. I didn’t even get to take my shoes off before Boruto took my hand and started pulling me again, but I did use my free hand to unzip my jacket. Soon I was eased down onto a soft bed and a blanket was placed over me.

“There,” Boruto said and brushed a hand through my hair. “Get some sleep.”

I didn’t like his gentle touch but I couldn’t tell him that; I was already falling asleep. 

When I woke up, I opened my eyes, feeling surprisingly refreshed. But I was confused. I wasn’t sure where I was or even how I got there and when I turned my head to the side and saw the back of Boruto’s head, my heart constricted.  _ No. How? _

I sat up quickly, my body sluggish. “What’s going on?”

Boruto turned around, setting a book down. “I saved you from the terrible outdoors and took you in, kind of like a stray cat.”

That was so something only he would say. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Calm down, Kawaki-kun,” Boruto said and folded his arms on the mattress. “You were ready to pass out and I was worried . . . you obviously haven’t been sleeping.”

“Don’t concern yourself with me,” I said with a frown, quickly forcing my eyes away from him.

“No can do. I’m your leader and a decent person to boot, too bad for you,” He said just before the sound of something breaking came from above us. “Eh . . . they’re at it again.”

It had me curious. “What was that?”

“The couple above me.” Boruto sighed. “They fight everyday without fail and at the same time too, like clockwork. It’s nothing serious, they’ve been that way since I moved in.”

I frowned and let my gaze return to his face. “That’s not…” My hand moved before I could stop it, laying on top of his head. The movement startled me, stealing my breath for an instant but instead of pulling my hand away, my fingers slid between his blonde strands. 

Boruto blinked up at me and his lips parted. “It’s . . . really not that bad, Kawaki-kun. I prefer the noise anyway.”

His words brought me back down to earth and I pulled my hand away and stared at it instead of him. My heart felt strange and my mind was fuzzy, unable to process a single thought.  _ What am I doing _ ? 

Voices carried down from upstairs, but Boruto ignored the arguing and focused on me. “Kawaki-kun?”

I shuddered, finally sucking in a breath and I dropped my hand. I couldn’t panic. Not now. “I’m fine.” 

“Yeah . . .” He trailed. “Hungry?”

I shook my head slowly, hands clenching the sheets now resting on my lap. 

“Good . . . because I can’t cook.” Boruto chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

That made me look at him, mouth hanging slightly open. “Yeah… well I’m fine.”

Boruto frowned and stood up. “You said that already. You’ve been saying that . . . what’s really going on? You can tell me,” He said in a soft tone. “I’ll listen.”

“It’s nothing,” I told him quickly. “Nothing to worry about.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” He said and put his hands on his hips.

“If you think so,” I said quietly, not up to argue about it. 

There was plenty of that going on above us. “Well, I won’t force it out of you. Just know you can talk to me, okay? Also, um, you might have slept all day . . .”

“All day?” I frowned and fell back on the bed with a thud. “Why did you let me sleep all day? Shit.”

“Because you needed it. Why haven't you been sleeping?” He countered. 

“Can’t… sometimes I just… can’t,” I explained quietly. 

“Oh,” Boruto said simply and waited a moment before speaking again. “You’re more than welcome to come here when that happens. Like I said, I’m here, you know?” The bed dipped beside me. “I wrote a new song while you were out. Want to see?”

My grey eyes flicked to Boruto and I tried to figure out what exactly it was that I felt when I looked at him. It wasn’t normal. “Yeah… show me.”

He opened the book he had set down before and handed it over. “That one there, but it’s still a work in progress.”

I took the book and settled my eyes on the words written in neat handwriting. Instantly, I was absorbed, but it was a rough draft, it was incomplete and there were a few things I didn’t agree with. “Pen,” I said moving one hand towards him expectantly. 

“Pencil.” He giggled and handed it over.

“Sorry… I always use a pen.” I hummed and took the pencil, quickly making a few edits and cleaning it up. Then I finished it before offering him the book. “See what you think.”

“Alright,” He said before looking it over. He tapped his lips with his finger, blue eyes flickering over the page. “Huh . . . wow . . . yeah. I like the way you think, Kawaki-kun.”

“Mm.” I grabbed the notebook back from him and cleared my throat before starting to sing, having already come up with a fitting melody for the words. I kept it slow, probably because it was on the softer side, but the chorus was faster, a little stronger. I liked the song immediately and when I finished singing I laid the notebook on my stomach and sighed. “It’s good.”

“You’re good,” Boruto said, grinning down at me. “With my skill and your talent, is there anything we can’t do?”

So cheeky. Before I knew it, I was smiling too. “Shut up.”

He laughed and poked my forehead. “You shut up.”

I stared at his face, not liking this indescribable feeling inside my chest. It hurt. And why was I smiling? When was the last time… “I… I should get going,” I said, quickly pushing the annoying feelings away and sitting up again, mindful of his notebook that I sat aside. 

“Okay,” He said and stood, stretching. “I should head over to Granny Myu’s for dinner too. She’ll get antsy if I wait too long.”

I got out of bed, ignoring the concern I felt for him in this place. “Well… thanks… see you,” I mumbled, quickly spotting the way to the exit and my things. 

“Bye, Kawaki-kun!”

_ Why…  _ That feeling in my chest I just couldn’t place… and yet couldn’t ignore. I hated it. I left as quickly as I could, needing to get away from it—from him. This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t  _ me.  _

I got a little more sleep that night after cooking and eating dinner. The next day was a Saturday, and I had a morning shift at the music store before I was meant to meet the band for practice. Work dragged by and it was more annoying than usual, since it was our busiest day of the week. I was feeling a lot better, but still not one hundred percent. It wasn’t bad enough for me to skip out on any of my duties, and I made it to practice right on schedule. We worked on the new song and some others, hanging around at times and taking breaks before going back at it. 

Every time I looked at Boruto, I felt that sickening sensation in my chest. It bothered me enough that I didn’t want to look at him at all and I found myself unable to meet his gaze directly. Whatever was happening to me wasn’t good. It wasn’t right, and I was fairly certain it was something I wouldn’t be forgiven for. I knew I was harder on myself than most people… but I deserved it. 

Things only seemed to become more awkward as days passed, blending into weeks. Everything was routine, but my routine wasn’t what it should have been. Still, every day during lunch, Boruto found me and I’d end up losing myself in conversation with him against my better judgment. Everyday that I wasn’t working, I would be practicing with them. Boruto and I were taking lots of buses together or even just walking together. He was just… always there. 

Then the unexpected happened. Boruto and I were making our way from school to the bus stop, throwing out some scattered lyrics together. We were both bundled up being it was right in the middle of winter, the air so cold his nose was red no matter how many layers he had on. The look of it warmed me and I hated it… but it still made me chuckle. I didn’t know how he could make me do all these things. I didn’t know why I allowed it. 

Boruto was giving me a hard time about laughing at him and it was the first time I’d ever seen him flustered before. It was even more amusing than his little red nose. Neither one of us were paying attention and we walked out on the crossing to get to the bus stop when we didn’t have the clear to go. The horn that blared right at us made my heart shatter. There was a speeding car, dangerously close, and for a split second, all I saw was red. 

Without processing what was happening, or thinking, I grabbed Boruto and snatched him back onto the sidewalk, my body moving right along with him to get us out of harm's way. It all happened so fast, and I knew he was okay because I was looking right at his bewildered expression, but it did nothing to reassure me. 

When my heart finally started working again, it was pounding so hard it hurt. I couldn’t pull in a full breath. My fingers dug into the thick coat at his arms and I… I choked. I started shaking. And for the first time, I felt myself break. I couldn’t believe it, I was actually crying. The tears were flowing from my eyes as if it were natural, even after everything that had happened… after all the times I’d wondered why I couldn’t. And now,  _ now _ I was crumbling. 

“Kawaki-kun . . .”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” My hands clung even tighter to him as my breath finally started coming, but it was shallow and labored. I forced my hands to loosen, only noticing how badly they were trembling when they moved around him as if to make sure it was him. It was really him. His cold, flushed cheeks, his chapped lips, his red nose. Boruto was alive. “I’m sorry!” I dropped my hands, backpedaling. I stumbled but righted myself in a hurry and then I ran. 

But no matter how fast or far I ran, I knew I’d never escape this. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four—Boruto**

I was scared. I was scared for Kawaki-kun. I hadn’t been able to find him on campus when I never failed to, he had to be absent. He didn’t show up for practice either and the guys were worried too. But they didn’t know, they didn’t see what I did. The fear in those grey eyes after he had saved us from that car. He was terrified . . . he was so scared and it pained me to see him like that. The way he had freaked out only proved my suspicions that he was suppressing something, he was fighting some heavy burden that he kept hidden until it burst free. He was crying and had held onto me for dear life, I didn’t know what to do.

I should have gone after him when he ran. Now he was out of my reach and I didn’t know how to find him, I didn’t know where he lived, he wouldn’t answer my calls. I hadn’t heard from him in a month and I feared the worst. He shouldn’t have to suffer alone. 

All I could do was wait in the meantime, but what if he never came back? I tried not to focus on thoughts like that, but they were always there. I busied myself and kept up with my classes. I went to the store with Granny Myu and bought her groceries. I stayed behind in the practice room and let the sound of my bass calm my mind, noticing that I would need to get new strings soon. As I sat on my bed at home, I searched online for the nearest music shop. The one I used to go to closed down and I wasn’t able to do anything about it, it was the owner’s decision. I had the power to help anyone I wanted, but only if they let me. While I chose to live in an everyday apartment, I could have lived wherever I wanted. 

My family had a very large fortune and I was the only one who had access. I was the one that paid for the practice room and the studio, anything the band needed I would get. People had tried to take advantage of me too many times for me to let my finances become common knowledge. Metal knew and so did Shikadai. Though they were the only ones I told when I moved here. They were honest people and weren’t money hungry, they saw me as a person and not a wallet. People like them I went out of my way to help, they truly deserved it. Kawaki-kun struck me as one of those people as well, but what he needed wasn’t money. He needed someone to save him from the hole he was sinking into. 

I was left thinking about him again as I stared up at the ceiling. How was he doing? Was he eating and sleeping properly? Was he still crying? A sigh left my lips as I went back to my phone and continued to search. I was interrupted when an unfamiliar number called me and I frowned. Who would be calling at this hour? Thinking better of it, I just let it ring and go to voicemail. There were no messages left so I wrote it off as a misdialed number. The nearest shop was a little of a long ride by bus, but it had good reviews despite not appearing to be one of the popular places. I picked up my hot pink bass from the practice room the next morning and then headed over. 

The ride there made me a bit stiff when I arrived, but at least I made it. I stood outside the shop for a few moments to take it in. It looked like the pictures online, nice and cozy. I crossed the street and went inside out of the cold weather, a little ding ringing as I stepped through the door. I looked around and carried my bass up to the front counter. No one was there and I wondered if I had missed a closed sign when I heard something being moved. I followed the noise down to a section of shelves near the back. There was someone stocking merchandise with their back towards me, earbuds in their ears. I got closer to get their attention, but froze in place as I recognized their back and unmistakable black and blonde hair.

It was Kawaki-kun, live and in the flesh. He seemed to be much better now and a wave of relief washed over me, but something else started to form as well. I frowned as thoughts started to run through my head and the feeling grew bigger and bigger. My body was moving on its own by the time he turned around and I smacked him across the face before he even registered it was me. It didn’t hurt, I had gloves on, but I was just as shocked as he was. It had been a long time since I was angry.

He stared down at me, grey eyes wide as his hand raised to his cheek. “You…” His surprise turned to something else, almost fearful and he snatched the earbuds out of his ears and took a step back. 

“I was worried about you.” I said, fist clenching the handle of my case. It was good that he stepped back because I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t hit him again. “You didn’t have to tell me anything, you didn’t have to return my calls . . . but you could at least let me know you were alright. I didn’t know what had happened to you, Kawaki-kun.”

He continued to stare at me, eyes constantly changing as different emotions came over him. He looked at me as if he was looking at a ghost until he forced his eyes away. “I… I don’t…” His lips mulled together and he took another step away from me.

It seemed he wasn’t better after all and whatever it was, was somehow tied to me. “Well . . .” I trailed, pausing as I figured out what to do. “Well, I’ve seen you so . . . I’ll go somewhere else.”

He pulled in a shaky breath and turned his back to me as if he couldn’t bear to face me. “What… what are you looking for?”

I continued to frown at his behavior. Was I the problem? The answer was pretty obvious . . . “You don’t have to push yourself, I’m sure there’s another shop around here somewhere.” I said and left the aisle. Maybe he just needed more time, maybe it was too soon? That was all he needed before he came back . . . right?

“Boruto,” He stopped me, having come up behind me and grabbed my arm. “Are you… I mean… I can help.”

I didn’t want to push him and cause another . . . whatever that was, but . . . “Strings. I need new strings.” I missed him.

His hand fell away from my arm as if in slow motion and he breathed steadily. “Strings…”

He turned and went off into another aisle. I stayed put and set my case down, unwrapping my scarf a bit. It was getting a little toasty. Kawaki-kun came back, strings in hand, and held them out to me. 

“Thanks.” I took them and picked up my case again, walking over to set it up on a table. Then I opened it and took off my gloves. “They’re the right ones . . . how much do I owe you?”

“Of course they are.” He grumbled under his breath as he walked over but stopped a few feet away. 

I tried not to take it personally, but, well, it was kind of personal. I took my bass out of the case and set it on the table to change the strings. It was quiet in the shop as I worked and the sound of cars passing by came through the windows. I didn’t like being this way with Kawaki-kun, not at all, but I was afraid that if I got too close he might break. I wanted to do something, anything to help him, but I couldn’t come up with anything yet. I supposed the only thing I could do for now was give him his space so I wouldn’t cause him anymore pain.

He started pacing around slowly before he walked over, his fingers raising up to grasp my ear gently. “They’re red… like your nose.” 

I blushed, cheeks puffing out. “Leave my nose alone, it’s just because it’s cold outside.”

“You’ll be sick.” He whispered, the concern in his voice unmistakable. 

“I’m alright . . . fit as a fiddle.” I said and resisted the urge to turn around and look at him. 

Kawaki-kun sighed and walked away from me, leaving me to my work. I focused on the task I had until something was suddenly slid down over my head. My hands stilled and I blinked a few times.

“Eh . . . what’s that?” I asked in both confusion and curiosity.

He moved from behind me to my side and took a moment to reposition what he’d put on my head. “Wear it.”

I blinked again, but didn’t put up a fuss. “Okay.” I agreed easily and began finishing up on the last string. At least I knew that whatever was going on, Kawaki-kun didn’t hate me.

“Yeah… good. Thanks.” He breathed. 

Once the last string was in place, I double checked to make sure none of them were too tight. Then I plucked each of the four strings and cringed when the last one wasn’t in tune. 

“That’s not what you want to hear.” I said and started to fix it. “There’s nothing worse than an out of tune bass, you know?”

Kawaki-kun came to stand by the table as well, his hands resting on the edge, fingers fiddling with each other. “Yeah…”

My eyes flicked up to him and lowered when the string was in tune. “Are you . . . are you really okay? If you’re skipping meals or staying up at all hours of the night . . . I might have to hit you again.”

“Are you?” He asked quietly, hesitantly. 

“Going to hit you again? Depends.” I said and crossed my arms.

His face fell and he dropped his head. “I meant… are you okay?”

I mulled my lips together, staring at my bass. “I’m getting through day to day just like everyone else. I’m okay, but . . . not okay being without you.” I confessed. “I know you didn’t want any friends, but I can’t help thinking of you as one.”

His breath hitched and he clasped his hands. “I can’t… I just can’t… and yet… for some reason you’re in my head every damn day. I hate it.”

I looked up at him at that. “What, like . . . like your own personal hell?” Shit, just what did I do?

“Worse…” He whispered. “Like… like a blinding ray of sunshine.”

“O-oh . . .” No one had ever called me that before. “Thank you?”

“I haven’t been able to sing…” He admitted, tone bitter and voice shaken. “Shit… I’m just… I’m not okay.”

My blood ran cold, but I stayed steady. “That’s all I needed to hear.” I took off my coat and picked up my bass, not bothering to ask if I could use the speaker that was plugged in. Without another word, I hooked up my bass and started to play.

Kawaki-kun kept still and silent as he listened to me play, his attention solely on me. His expression kept changing and he looked like he was truly suffering. His lips kept parting and snapping shut and his hands palmed his face in frustration. I kept playing with calm and even breaths, patiently waiting. In the middle of a verse I changed songs to one I hadn’t shared with the band, one that I had written a long time ago. It was in a time when I was moving on and transitioning from all the hurt in my life. I had taken everything in and let it flow out until finally I let it go. It was always there of course, but I let it go in a way that let me finally, _ finally _ breathe.

Kawaki-kun came closer, close enough for me to do what I was still able to. It didn’t work everyday and I had to be in the right state of mind. I might not have been able to sing, but I softly hummed the lyrics that had yet to be spoken out loud. My voice faltered at some parts and died out all together on others, but still came out and I was able to hum a passable version of the melody that had only played in my head. I switched back to the other song when it was clear my voice wouldn’t hum anymore and continued to wait. I waited and played with my heart, standing by his side so he could try.

Kawaki-kun’s face had softened and his eyes weren’t flashing with frantic emotions anymore. He pulled in a breath and brought his hand up, his fingers ghosting over my throat. “There’s something beautiful in there.” He murmured, looking nothing like he had been since I’d arrived. Now he appeared amazed and stared straight into my eyes with a look of admiration. 

I stopped playing, swallowing hard. “This isn’t about me.” I whispered.

“Maybe it should be.”

“Maybe it  _ can’t _ be.” I replied. “I’ve locked it away, Kawaki-kun. And I don’t remember what the key looks like.”

His thumb ran over the hollow of my throat and he hummed. “We have to find it.” He said, full of determination. Then he started humming, humming the same tune I had. 

I closed my eyes as I listened, smiling as a single tear ran down my cheek. Yes, that’s how it was supposed to sound. That’s how it was _ meant _ to sound. Kawaki-kun lifted his other hand to rub the backs of his fingers down my cheek, continuing to hum the song, making it resonate deep in my heart. 

“With me.” He said, going straight back at it. 

I let out a trembling breath, uncertain and unsure. I had already gotten a lot out of my voice today, but I had to practice what I preached. I had to try. My hands held on to my bass as I began to hum along. It was quieter than before, but it was there as weak as it may be. Kawaki-kun leaned closer and he rested his forehead against mine while softening his own hums so that they didn’t drown mine out. We went through the first three verses together and harmonized during the chorus. I was able to make it to the final verse and bit my lip on the last note, feeling bitter sweet. It had been a long time since I actually listened to my own voice.

“Beautiful.” Kawaki-kun breathed, closing his eyes as I opened mine. 

“Out of practice.” I corrected with a small smile. “But thank you.”

“Not sure I could handle more than that.” He told me as his hand grabbed mine and raised it to his chest. His heart was racing. 

I was at a loss for words, only able to repeat what I had said before with reddened cheeks. “Thank you, Kawaki-kun. Thank you.”

“I want to sing for you.”

“For me?” I asked, completely taken aback. “A-are you sure?” My mind couldn’t even keep up with the different ways to take that.

“Will you wait for me? I’ll be closing the store in fifteen minutes.” He opened his eyes and pulled away from me, he lowered our hands but didn’t release mine. 

I nodded, wondering what he had in mind. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” He squeezed my hand and slowly released it, leaving me so he could finish up his work. 

I unhooked my bass and put it back in its case before pulling out some cash. I went back to the aisle he had gotten my strings from and searched for a price tag on another set. Then I went up to the register and set it on the counter, knowing he would find it when he counted down the drawer. After that I looked around the shop while he did what he needed to do. When he began gathering his things, I put my coat back on and bundled back up. I grabbed my case and waited outside by the door as he locked up and looked at my reflection in the window, studying the toboggan he had put on my head. I had to admit that the black piece of clothing was really warm.

Kawaki-kun turned to me and closed the distance between us. “You ready to go?” He asked, smoothly swiping my bass out of my grasp and at the same time, snaking his other hand around me. His hand slipped in my back pocket and then he pulled away as if nothing had just happened. 

“Eh . . . yeah . . .” I answered, deciding not to question it at the moment. 

“Alright then.” He offered me his free hand that had just been coping a feel. If he were anyone else, I wouldn’t have let him get away with it. 

I took his hand and he led me to a different bus stop than the one I had gotten off at. We rode a bus for about half an hour before we arrived at an apartment building. I realized it must have been Kawaki-kun’s place and excitedly followed him inside. He let go of my hand to unlock his door and stood aside to let me in first, tilting his head. I went in and took my shoes off, placing my coat and things on the hooks on the wall where Kawaki-kun put his. The first thing I noticed was how mature his apartment was and how neat. The colors were muted compared to my place, the main one being black that I suspected was his favorite, but it was still nice and inviting. He set my case down next to the couch and told me to make myself at home before he went into another room. 

I sat down and looked around some more, liking how shiny everything was without a speck of dust in sight. I smiled at imagining Kawaki-kun doing house work, the thought warming my heart. My attention went to my phone when it started ringing and I pulled it out of my pocket. I frowned at seeing the same number from last night and hung up on them. Kawaki-kun was back by the time I put my phone away and I pushed the weird situation out of my mind. He was holding two cups of hot liquid, the steam visible above them. I took the one he handed to me as he sat down as well and could smell the chocolate. I gave him a smile before blowing on it and taking a sip, humming in content. 

“I’ll grab my guitar after we warm up.” Kawaki-kun told me before having a taste of his own drink. 

He really was going to sing for me. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?”

I giggled and shook my head, having another sip. “I'm all right like this.”

“Right. Okay…” He nodded and cradled his mug in both hands. 

“Don't be nervous, I won't bite.” I teased.

Kawaki-kun shifted in his seat before getting to his feet. “I know… I’m not nervous.” He frowned and looked around anxiously. “I think… I’ll put something on for dinner while I drink this.”

So he wanted to escape to the kitchen. “What are you going to make?” I asked, cutting him some slack.

“Maybe vegetable soup?” He said questioningly, glancing back at me for approval. 

I hummed. “Sounds good.”

Kawaki-kun went into the kitchen and I was left alone in the living room. I just sat and drank my hot chocolate for a bit. I could hear him moving things around and wondered if this was the first time he had someone over. I spotted some picture frames on a stand next to the TV and decided to check them out. I got off the couch, hot chocolate in hand, and walked over to it. There was one of a young Kawaki-kun and his parents in the front, a large grin on his face. he looked like his dad and had his height, but he had his mom's smile. I found myself smiling as well at the image. He looked so happy and I wished he was able to grin that brightly again.

The next pictures were of him and someone else I had trouble identifying. They didn't look anything like Kawaki-kun so they couldn't have been a relative. They seemed really close and I had a feeling that they were more than friends, perhaps an ex boyfriend? Kawaki-kun looked really happy in this picture as well and I wondered what could have happened to change him so much. I knew that sometimes your life could change in the blink of an eye, without so much as a warning. Whatever he had gone through had to have something to do with the people in these pictures. That was the only thing that made sense considering none of these people were around now, he was alone. 

There were more pictures of Kawaki-kun and what looked to be his boyfriend spanning across from different ages. Maybe they were just friends, but the way they looked at each other in the photos suggested more. The bond between them looked strong, so what could have torn them apart? From what I knew and what I had seen when Kawaki-kun had freaked out at the crosswalk, I feared the worst. People who cared about you like that didn't just up and walk away. Something must have happened . . . and whatever it was, it hurt Kawaki-kun. I stared at the pictures for a while, trying to sort out my thoughts. I didn't know that much about him and maybe he would never open up to me, but I still wanted to be there for him. I did consider him as a friend and I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. He would just have to get used to me, though at this point he already should be. I would have his back no matter what. 

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder . . . did I even have a chance? Could he ever look like that standing next to me? Shocked by my own thoughts, I almost dropped my cup. What the hell was I thinking? Me and Kawaki-kun? I couldn’t get him to acknowledge me as his friend, how could I hope for something more?  _ Why _ had I hoped for something more . . . the thought shouldn’t have crossed my mind. I admired Kawaki-kun. He was so cool and good looking, he had limitless talent. I had wanted someone like him for the band, I truly believed that fate brought us together. However, the more time I spent with him the closer I wanted to be with him. 

Just where did these feelings come from? How had I not noticed them until now? I didn’t even want to believe they were real. I couldn’t be falling for Kawaki-kun, I just couldn’t. I told myself that I was imagining things and that I didn’t have a chance anyway. This came out of nowhere. I didn’t like Kawaki-kun in that way. I only . . . I only wanted to be friends. 

I eventually peeked into the kitchen to see what he was up to, also not wanting to miss out on him cooking. He was certainly serious about the whole thing, the fresh vegetables proving that much along with the look of concentration on his face. The way he peeled and chopped the vegetables showed he had a skill for it and every time he transferred them to the drainer, he would stop for just long enough to get a sip of his drink. It seemed like when Kawaki-kun did things, he really put himself into it and I admired that about him.

Soon enough, he was finished preparing the vegetables and he washed them all in the sink before moving them to a pot. He worked quickly and finished his drink before he ever turned around. Then he noticed me and his eyes widened. “Is something wrong?” He asked as he grabbed a nearby hand towel and dried his hands off.

“No, not at all.” I said and took a long sip of my hot chocolate that had cooled off. “I was just watching, you know? Since I’m completely useless in the kitchen.” 

“That’s okay… I’m pretty good in the kitchen, so there’s a balance.” He mused, his mood seeming lighter all of a sudden. “It just needs some time now so I’ll grab my guitar.”

I grinned, excited and led the way out of the kitchen. “I’ll go get settled in the living room.”

“Alright, just gotta run to my room real quick.” He told me, turning to head down the hallway.

I went back and sat down on the couch and left enough room for him and his guitar. Then I had some more of my drink as anticipation ran through me. I was always eager to hear him sing, but this time was different and I had no idea what song he would go with. Just a moment later, Kawaki-kun returned, his guitar in his hand. He came to sit next to me and breathed deeply as he strummed a black pick across the strings.

“I don’t know why, but you inspire me, Boruto.” He murmured so quietly it was almost as if he was speaking to himself. “After weeks of being in a slump, I feel like I can really sing. I’m gonna go for an old song… the first one I ever wrote.”

Kawaki-kun started playing his guitar the instant the last word left his mouth. The sound pulled me in right away, the light beat catchy. He gave me just enough time to get used to the instrumental, or gave himself enough time to be prepared before he finally started singing. The sound of guitar stopped when the first word left his lips.  _ ‘You.’  _ His deep voice drawled out the single syllable and it alone was enough to have goosebumps spreading all over my body. Then he sucked in a breath, started playing again and proceeded on with the song.

I’d heard a number of Kawaki-kun’s songs and I had picked up on the fact that he wrote a lot about love and heartfelt emotions. Most of them were painful enough to feel the angst in the lyrics, especially when he was the one singing them and could portray the emotional side of the song with ease. But this song was different. It was even different from the first song I’d ever heard him sing. This was a love song written for somebody special, a song that would set their heart soaring, because it even had that effect on me. His voice was so serene and sincere in the lyrics and listening to him right here in person, it almost felt as if he was speaking directly to my soul. Like he was singing about me and not anyone else, though I knew that wasn’t the case.

Whatever had been holding him back was gone now, a thing of the past. He sang fully, passionately and his grey eyes met mine a few times throughout the song. It was a short piece, but it felt like time had stopped completely as I listened to him. When it was over, I was still covered in chills. Kawaki-kun licked his lips and turned to me with a smile so genuine, it rivaled any that he’d had in those photos. 

“I thought… maybe it was a good choice… to lighten things up.” He told me, fingers starting to move again though only to create a soft sound to fill our ears. It was comforting.

“To think this whole time . . . you’ve been holding back.” I smiled, staring down at my cup that had gotten cold. “That was truly amazing, Kawaki-kun. I . . . I don’t even know what to say.” It had made me so happy, it was so precious, but at the same time I wanted to cry. Just where had that love gone? Why did it have to go? It . . . it was so beautiful.

“It’s nothing… I’m just… glad I could sing.” 

I glanced over at him, studying his face. “I knew you could do it. I believed in you, you know. A voice like that was meant to be heard.”

His fingers stopped moving, the sound of his guitar dying out. “I believe in you too. I want to hear your voice, Boruto.”

“Kawaki-kun . . .” After years of trying I had given up. The best I could hope for was what I got today, simple hums. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly, coming off as naturally considerate. “I think it’s still there and I want to help you find it.”

I bit my bottom lip again, eyes dropping back down to my cup. “I stopped singing for awhile when I was younger . . . about a year or so. And then when I got to a better place, a better state of mind, it was just . . . gone. Just like that, it disappeared and I didn’t know what to do. The doctors said it wasn’t physical and I went to psychologists instead, but none of them could help me. They said I had shut down and locked away my voice . . . but no one could tell me why.”

“Maybe you don’t need them to tell you.” Kawaki-kun told me and patted my knee. “I think you already know… maybe you just don’t want to acknowledge it.”

I thought about his words and looked up at him once more. “You mean like I’ve blocked it out?”

“Something like that.” He nodded. “You should think back to why you stopped singing in the first place. There’s a reason why you couldn’t go back to it. Don’t you know what it is?”

My mind went back to that time and I could see it all so clearly. The fire . . . my parents . . .  _ Himawari _ . . . “But I-I moved on. It doesn’t make any sense.” I said and rubbed my forehead. 

“Did you though?” Kawaki-kun asked, grey eyes seeming to look right through me.

“I did, I . . . I went through hell, but I kept going.” I said and shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“Well, don’t worry about it. I’m sure that it will come to you soon enough. And when it does, I’ll be here.”

I searched his face, wanting to believe he really meant it. “You would? You would do that . . . for me?” Who knew when that day would come, he couldn’t promise something like that.

“I would… because I think that you would do it for me. Just like today.”

A grin crossed my features and I nudged him with my arm. “Of course I would. Of course I  _ did _ . Because you’re my friend.”

His face changed to a look of surprise and his ears tinged red. “Well… I don’t know… maybe.”

“Definitely.” I laughed, but didn’t tease him too much.

We stayed up for a while and talked, the vegetable soup he made exploding my taste buds. It was seriously that good and I insisted that he let me take some home. He walked me to the bus stop when I headed home and said that he’d see me on campus. He wasn’t ready to come back to the band just yet, but ‘soon’. I had never been more thankful for my worn out strings and was glad things turned out the way they did. I felt closer to Kawaki-kun and saw new sides of him that I would always treasure. 

I still had questions and wondered about his past, but I’m sure he felt the same and we weren’t in any rush to pressure each other. I got home feeling lighter than I had all month. When I changed my clothes and found the money I had left for the strings in my back pocket, I giggled and shook my head fondly. He was so damn stubborn. I was so happy that I had met Kawaki-kun and no matter what anyone said, I still believed it was fate. I was meant to find him, for what I wasn’t sure yet . . . but I had a lot to think about. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five—Kawaki**

I didn’t have it in me to avoid Boruto anymore and I tried to convince myself that it was okay. Of course I still knew that it wasn’t, I still felt guilty every time I was around him and I felt that strange sensation inside my chest. I was wrong, I knew that… but I just couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I couldn’t stop worrying about him. I was drawn to the blonde and I wanted to be around him, to know that he was alright, to see him smile or watch him light up the world around him. His enthusiasm was contagious, even if I tried to pretend like I didn’t feel it.

It didn’t take much for me to agree to return to the band. It was wrong… but I did like being a part of it. Miraculous as it was, it seemed as if some form of happiness was trying to find me and while I wasn’t steering clear of it, I wasn’t accepting it either. It hurt to even think about trying to obtain happiness again because without a doubt, I would only end up suffering more in the long run because of it. There was still my atonement to think about, which I was even further from now that I was feeling the things I’d been feeling since that blinding ray of sunshine had stormed into my life like a hurricane.

Things had been changing and I had so much to apologize for. In my mind, I was able to spout out my regrets, but even now after an entire year had passed, I hadn’t been able to face my fears. I hadn’t been able to truly face my reality. Today though, I didn’t have school, I didn’t have work and I wasn’t attending practice either… I had to do this for myself, I needed to find a way to forgive myself.

I walked up to the cemetery, the bite of the freezing air lost on me. It was a cloudy day that represented my inner turmoil. I’d taken my time making my way to the place I’d avoided for so long and stopped just outside of it. Reality seemed so much more real when you had to face it head on. Anxiety was creeping up on me, my skin was crawling, my heart was aching and I wanted more than anything to turn around and run back home to my apartment. It all happened a year ago today… and I hadn’t even tried to visit since the funeral. I had barely survived that day… or no… I’d been dead inside before it even happened and I hadn’t truly lived since then. At least not until recently.

My hands tightened on the straps of my guitar case and I steeled my nerves, resolving myself. There was no turning back now, only pushing forward. I started walking, my eyes locked on the ground as my feet carried me along. I moved slowly and didn’t stop until I reached my destination, until I was staring down at the tombstone engraved in the name of the boy who’d left this world and taken all that was good in me right along with him. Sometimes… I wondered if I could get it back, even if the thought scared the shit out of me. 

I dropped on my knee while refusing to turn my eyes away from his name, no matter how much it shook me. This pain, I craved it… because it was so much better than feeling numb. I laid my hand atop the polished grey stone and bowed my head, reminding myself to breathe, but the pain was intensifying rapidly. My nostrils burned and my throat ran dry, but I didn’t want to cry. Not when I’d taken so long to pay him a visit. Not when there was so much I had to say to him. Whether he could hear me or not, I was here to pour my heart out to him and I wasn’t leaving until I was satisfied.

“Yo… Shorty…” I whispered out, choking back the sob that threatened to escape me. An entire year… and I still couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he was gone. I bit my lip, trying to settle down and stop shaking. He didn’t deserve to see such a weak version of myself—not when he was the only reason I was still here today. “Sorry I’m late, but I made it.”

I leaned back and sat down in front of the tombstone, quickly pulling out my guitar. “I wrote you a song… I haven’t actually sang it yet… I wanted to do it for you first. Also… I brought this,” I said, smiling as I pulled a can of rootbeer out of my bag. “Nasty shit.” I’d never understood why he loved it so much, it was actually disgusting. I popped the tab on the can and gulped down a few swallows, cringing and shivering at the taste of it. “Ek. So nasty.” I set the can in front of me and chuckled, a feeling of warmth swaddling me. The anxiety was gone, the shaking ceased and somehow… I knew he was here. He was all around me.

“Here goes,” I closed my eyes and let my fingers get to work, letting off the sound of my guitar. 

For a long time, I had wanted to write a song in memory of him and everything he meant to me. The pain of losing him made me want to write about that instead… and I had… I’d written dozens of songs thanks to that pain. For it to be  _ for  _ him though, a sad song like that wouldn’t work. This song was warm, happy, full of memories and good times… it was absolutely perfect for him and I knew it. It didn’t feel strange considering I was singing it for the first time, I was actually completely at ease, in my element and it was the first time since he’d died that I’d done more than sing, speeding things up to a smooth rap in the way I’d used to. Something he’d always been crazy about. 

When I finished, I felt nothing but relief and I knew that the only person who resented me was myself. Hōki wasn’t that type of person, he was selfless and loving—kind to a fault. He could never hate me like I hated myself. He would never blame me like I blamed myself. He would never hold me back like I was holding myself back. In fact… if he could, I was pretty sure he would have smacked me just like Boruto had.

I had to forgive myself… I had to. 

Having Boruto cross my mind while I was paying my respects to Hōki was so low of me. But it needed to be addressed. I had to admit it to him, I had to let him know how I felt. “Shorty I… I met this guy… I don’t want to like him, I’ve tried not to… but I can’t help it. I’m sorry about it… I’m so fucking sorry… for everything.”

I didn’t wind up leaving the cemetery until nightfall. I’d poured my heart out, I’d cried, I’d laughed, I’d sang and played, I’d finished that rootbeer and when I went to leave, I said goodbye and promised to return soon. Hōki would always be a part of me and that’s how I wanted it anyway. While a part of me was selfish enough to want to move on, I would never want to forget him. I’d never be able to anyway, and that was why I was constantly guilting myself over everything. Because things ended so abruptly, so tragically. It still haunted me and maybe it always would… when I was with Boruto though, I was able to let it go.

I wanted to keep letting go, I wanted to continue to be by his side.

Without even thinking about it, instead of making my way home, I’d ended up standing outside the door to Boruto’s apartment. It didn’t hit me until I was there, reluctant to knock. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew I didn’t want to turn away… I’d ended up here for a reason. I took a deep breath and knocked a few times, not even thinking about it being so late. I couldn’t walk away. I waited, then I knocked again, a little louder.

When he finally came to the door, he took his time to look through the peephole wisely before he unlocked the door in a hurry and swung it open. “Boruto,” I breathed, finding solace in his face even if his features were twisted in concern. 

I stepped past the threshold without waiting for an invitation, making him take a step back to give me room. I dropped my bag and my guitar case in favor of wrapping my arms around him. I crushed him against me, squeezing him tight around his shoulders while my face dropped to lay atop his head. His familiar, sweet scent and welcoming warmth washed over me and I closed my eyes, savoring it. Truth be told, I was so afraid of the affection I felt for him but I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there anymore. 

The urge to protect him… the endless desire to be near him… the ache in my chest everytime he called my name or smiled at me…

I liked Boruto. I liked him… and I wanted to keep him. I didn’t want to run away from him, even if I was terrified of feeling the way he made me feel. My hands were gripping his cotton T-shirt as I held him tightly, never wanting to let go. This was okay… it was okay to let him in. It was okay to want him around me—to crave his warmth. I was sure he wouldn’t mind. 

“Kawaki-kun.” Boruto breathed, arms coming up to return my embrace. “What’s wrong? Are you alright? Is . . . is it your voice again?”

I almost wanted to pull away, just to see his face. Instead I just continued to hold him and bask in his warmth. “I’m better… I needed to see you.”

“Oh.” He said in relief and tightened his hold on me with a chuckle. “Well, you certainly made a dramatic entrance. Scared the shit out of me. Welcome to my apartment, I guess. Again.” 

His words made me realize that I hadn’t thought this through and I pulled myself away from him in embarrassment. “Sorry…” 

“It’s alright.” He smiled brightly. “I’m always happy to see you.”

He said that… but he probably thought I was losing my mind and my mood swings were more than likely giving him whiplash. “I shouldn’t have barged in like that.” I said, palming my face. I was so stupid. And it was so late too. “I could have waited… I’ll just… go.” I was disappointed in myself and annoyed that I couldn’t get a hold of myself. I should have thought about this. 

“Wait a second, don’t leave. You just got here.” He said with a frown. “I really don’t mind.”

I turned away from him to hide my burning face, chiding myself silently. “I was just… on my way home. I don’t know what I was thinking. You were probably trying to sleep.” 

“Oh no, not at all.” He dismissed with a wave. “I pretty much fall asleep instantly anyway. I was just working on some stuff and thinking . . . eh, I’ve been doing that a lot recently. Maybe you inspired me too.” He said, smile back and as wide as ever.

That feeling in my chest was back, stronger than it had ever been and I found myself unable to look away. “I’ve been thinking too… a lot… it’s all thanks to you.” I was going to be okay.

“Don’t say things like that, I’ll get a big head.” He told me, but his cheeks reddened the smallest bit. “I’m glad I could help.”

I couldn’t help but smile and reach out to ruffle his hair. “I needed you more than I knew. So I’m glad that I have you… I mean… as a friend.” I added the last bit as a last ditch effort not to scare him off. 

“Pinch me, I must be dreaming. You actually admitted it.” Boruto said in surprise, but quickly turned cheeky. “I knew it. I knew it all along and I told you so, its fate, Kawaki-kun. You had no chance of resisting me.” 

I really didn’t. He made my heart go crazy and I knew that I didn’t look at him in a way I’d look at just anyone—a normal friend. But I also knew that that’s all he wanted from me, which also scared me. “You’re right.” I admitted quietly, nodding to myself. “But I did try.”

“How foolish you were.” Boruto chuckled and elbowed me. “You should have learned after your many and failed attempts to hide from me.”

“But I’m glad I didn’t.” I told him, voice soft and fists clenching at my sides. I wanted to hug him again, but I held myself back. 

“Me too.” He grinned and tugged on my sleeve. “Do you want to see what I’ve been working on?”

Of course I did. “If you’ll show me.” I said, offering him a soft smile as I unzipped my coat. 

He suddenly ducked his head, fingers moving his bangs out of his face. “Follow me.”

I removed my coat and toboggan, hanging them both on the hooks by the door and then took my boots off before walking behind him. “Is it a new song?” Maybe I needed to grab my guitar. 

“Well, not exactly. It’s more like . . an outline.” He explained and sat down in front of his bed. “It’s a bit ambitious and I’m getting ahead of myself here. I mean our band doesn’t even have a name yet and we haven’t chosen a set list or performed or . . . we haven’t done anything, but we’ve done  _ something.  _ There’s a feeling I get when we play together and when I think about the band. There’s like an aura, something that has a piece of all of us in it.” 

I sat down beside him on the floor and rested my back against his bed, listening to his adorable rambling. “So, what’s the outline for?”

Boruto held his book to his chest, staring at me in both excitement and nervousness. “For our first album. I know, I know. I’m crazy, but hear me out. I haven’t worked on the songs yet, but I’ve jotted some ideas and themes down. I want each one to be different and special. Four of them will focus on a single band member, a song for each of us that shows who we are. And then a fifth one that shows what we can be together. That’s about as far as I got, but . . . what do you think?”

“I think… you’ve really thought this through. And… you’re brilliant.” I told him honestly, staring into those blue eyes and wishing that I never had to look away. 

“Brilliant? That’s one hell of a compliment.” He said, turning a bit shy as he handed over his book. “Take a look first . . . and then say that again.” 

“Alright.” I agreed and forced my eyes to his notes, reading the detailed outline and smiling at the sight of his neat handwriting. 

He really did think things through and he really cared about the band. That was the only reason he’d kept finding me over and over anyway. For the band. He had each of our names written down with different traits and descriptions. The first word under my name made my heart skip a beat and my eyes flicked over to him curiously.  _ Irreplaceable.  _

No way he meant that anyway. The back of my neck heated up and I moved my eyes back to the outline to finish reading it. My brows pulling together when I read ‘ _ last note _ ’. I didn’t understand what that meant and there was no explanation. I couldn’t go any further before I set the notebook down and focused on him. 

“Last note?” I questioned, needing an explanation. It didn’t make any sense. 

“Eh . . . well . . . you know . . .” He trailed and rubbed his forehead, gaze falling to the floor. “That feeling you get. When you nailed the song, when you played your heart out, when you did everything you set out to do through the music . . . it all comes together as you play that last note and you think,  _ ‘I really pulled it off’ _ . . . that’s what I meant.”

“Ah…” He even put so much thought into that… and it was only two words. And then there was this irreplaceable thing… did he really like my voice that much? There were too many other singers out there that were better than me. The other word,  _ moon _ , confused me far more than the other two and for the life of me, I couldn’t think of what it could mean. “And moon?”

Boruto glanced back at me, but only for a second before he looked away again. “That . . . that’s a secret.”

“Huh?” I frowned, starting to feel self conscious. “Why though? Tell me…”

“No way.” He said stubbornly. “I always like getting your input and opinion and I do want you to help with the other songs, but this one . . . I’m writing it by myself.”

It almost sounded like he wanted to write a song especially for me… not just for the band. “And what about you?” I asked since he hadn’t written anything about himself. “Actually, you just leave that to me.”

“Are you sure you’re up to the challenge?” He teased and finally met my eyes again. “I don’t know if you can contain all this in a single song.”

That was probably true. “You’re right, it’s doubtful.” I hummed in amusement. “If I don’t watch it, you’ll end up with your own album.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Wouldn't that be something. I can’t even imagine.”

“I can. I could write a thousand songs for you. But I’ll be good and just focus on one.”

Boruto blinked at me before he blushed furiously. “R-right. Maybe, maybe we should get to work? If you want to that is.”

“I’d love to. Just let me grab my guitar. Playing it helps me find the right words.”

“Damn, I wish I had my bass.” He sighed. “I took it back to the practice room . . .”

“That’s okay. I’d rather you just listen to me.” I mused as I got up and he just raised an eyebrow at my comment. 

I didn’t know why I was always saying such embarrassing shit, but it just fell out of my mouth. Word vomit. I cringed as I turned around and left his room, retrieved my guitar by the door and returned to sit next to him once more. Unless I was singing, I really needed to keep my mouth shut around him. If I didn’t, I was either going to scare him off or reach the point of no return. 

“Got a spare notebook and pen?” I asked as I pulled my guitar out of the case. 

“Probably, I’ll check.” He said before he dove under his bed.

I cocked a brow at this and bit my lip to keep from laughing. He really was so cute. He rummaged around under there for a moment before he found a notebook and handed it over along with a pen. I took them gratefully and sat them on the floor in front of me.  _ Here we go _ . 

Thinking about Boruto was easy, because I was always thinking about him. He was a storm, strong like a hurricane, but he was also like the sun. So bright. Then again, he was also sweet, like a cinnamon roll. He was warm like hot chocolate. Somehow, it was so easy to categorize him and trying to do so put a smile on my face. I played around with my guitar until I found a rhythm I liked and Boruto was busy scribbling in his notebook that he was hiding from me. He didn’t want me to see and that was fine, it was adorable. 

I closed my eyes as I got lost in my thoughts of him, the way he made me feel. It was almost too easy. I could have definitely written at least a dozen songs about him. Maybe I would, on the down low. Instead of writing anything down right away, I played with the words in my mind and started humming in tune to what I wanted. I’d never had words come this easily to me before. In truth, he really was inspiring. 

Once I had it together, I stopped playing and stopped humming, setting my guitar aside to grab the notebook and pen instead. “Just like that…” I mumbled to myself and started writing down the lyrics. 

“Just like that.” Boruto repeated and was looking at me with a smile I had never seen before. It was smaller than his usual ones, but radiated happiness and . . . and something else only hinted at by the fond look in his eyes.

_ So distracting…  _ I wanted to drop the notebook and take him in my arms. I wanted to hold him, smell him, feel him… I wanted a lot. I was insane. My hand started to shake as I forced myself to keep hold of the pen and get back to writing. I just had to keep it together. I could do it. 

“So um… how’s it going?” I asked, voice cracking a bit so I cleared my throat. 

“Good.” He said and held the notebook closer to his chest when I glanced at it. “No peeking.”

“I’m not.” I promised, turning my eyes back to my own work. My handwriting was a disgrace compared to his, but I could read it at least. Once I had it all jotted down, I smiled to myself and closed the notebook, setting it on my left side out of his reach. “All done.”

“Eh, already? How did you get done so fast?” He asked just as a bang sounded from upstairs. “Huh, their late today. It might be a big one then.”

I didn’t like that… what if those people came down here and tried to drag Boruto into their mess? What if he got hurt… “You don’t ever feel afraid?”

“Not really. They’re all bark and no bite to be honest. A few broken glasses here and there, but Granny Myu told me it’s never gotten physical.” He said with a shrug. “And I don’t mind the noise.”

“Does that mean you don’t like it quiet?” I asked, wanting to know more about him. 

“You caught on to that, huh?” He said before closing his book. Then he leaned back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling. “Apartments . . . they have a certain feel to them, you know? I guess I . . . well it’s a little selfish.”

“Selfish how?” I asked as I turned to sit sideways, facing him. 

He hummed and brought a hand up to play with his hair. “The noise, it's-comforting. I always know someone is there . . . even with Granny Myu. I could learn to cook if I wanted to, but then I wouldn’t get to see her nearly as much . . . I don’t . . . I don’t like being alone.”

I laid my hand over his on the floor, entwining our fingers. I knew exactly how he felt. “I never liked being alone either… but I had to deal with it after… after… um… I just, yeah being alone sucks.”

“Yeah . . .” He said quietly, holding on with a firm grip.

“Maybe we don’t have to be alone… maybe we can be together instead.” I suggested, completely omitting the friend part. 

“Looking at the bright side and never giving up.” He said and turned his head towards me. “That’s my motto at least. Together then, you and me. I look forward to it, Kawaki-kun.” He smiled.

Maybe I should have been relieved that he didn’t take my words how I meant them, but instead I felt the opposite. “Boruto I… I don’t want to leave you.”

He blinked at me before his expression turned confused, and then serious. “I’m not going anywhere, Kawaki-kun.”

I held tighter to his hand, knowing he meant that but still needed reassurance. “You promise?” It was so wrong to ask him to promise me that, but I didn’t care. I was on a selfish streak and didn’t give a damn. 

“Promise.” He said and offered me a reassuring grin. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried . . . oh wait, you already did.”

“Well… I didn’t want to ever get close to anyone again… but then I realized it was too late. I was already attached to you.”

“It always happens like that . . . you don’t realize things until they hit you out of nowhere.” He said thoughtfully.

I was being more honest than I had been in ages and yet Boruto wasn’t taking any of my words to heart. Not like I meant them. It was starting to irk me because I didn’t want to come right out and say it and I was afraid of being rejected. 

“Do you… do you have any idea what I’m even saying here?”

He raised an eyebrow. “That you didn’t want to get close to me but you did anyway?”

For some reason, I didn’t expect him to be so dense. I sighed, ignoring my scorching cheeks and my frustration. “Boruto,” I huffed, trying to figure out how to get it across.

“What? What did I do?”

_ Really…  _ I couldn’t find words fast enough, so I moved instead, grabbing him by his shirt at his chest and pulling his close to me. I leaned in, pressing my forehead to his. Our lips were just an inch apart. “You didn’t understand me.” I whispered, trying not to lose it. 

His breath came out in a whoosh and his blue eyes widened. He seemed frozen in shock for a moment, not sure what to do, but the longer we sat there the more his cheeks began to redden. Then he closed his eyes and let out another breath, this one shaky and staggered. 

“Kawaki-kun . . .”

There was no way I could hold myself back when he made me feel like this. The way he said my name like that, so soft and breathy, it only strengthened everything I was already feeling for him. I didn't wait another second before closing the gap between our lips. I kissed him, just a single tender kiss, though I lingered for a long moment before pulling back. As many times as he’d made my heart act up, it had never been as bad as it was now. 

“I thought I was imagining things.” Boruto was suddenly saying, voice unsteady. “Before, when I said I had been thinking, it wasn’t just about the album . . . I was thinking about you. And then you show up and it’s like . . . it’s like you knew.”

I had no idea. But I was glad I knew now. “I can’t lie to you, Boruto. I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared. But I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore… I just… I have a lot of problems and I don’t want to drag you down.”

“I’ve been down before and nothings beaten me yet.” He said and opened his eyes again. “If you want . . . I can be strong for you.”

He was strong. There was so much about him that I admired. “I believe you could… but I’m not sure you can handle my mind. I get anxious… I worry… and I can’t help it.” I released his shirt to slide my hand up to cradle his face instead. 

“So you’re just like any other human being.” He smiled softly. “It’s okay to be scared, Kawaki-kun. It’s okay to be a handful. It’s okay to come with your own baggage and everything else that comes with living. I’m not going to run away, I’ll stay right here and be your rock when you’re unsure. So . . . let’s try it together.”

My worst fear was something—anything happening to him, but I pushed the fear of it away to instead focus on this moment. “Together.” I nodded and then leaned in for another kiss, this time giving him several shorter ones back to back. 

“Ah, you beast.” He teased, but was just trying to hide his own embarrassment.

“Beast?” I scoffed, much preferring him to be the one embarrassed instead of me. 

“And that makes me beauty.” He giggled and touched the tip of my nose with his finger. “Don’t worry, I can see the prince in there.”

_ Shit.  _ “You gotta be kidding me.” I muttered to myself, not understanding how he did these things to me. “How…”

“How what?” He asked, finger now tapping my nose.

“How do you do this to me?” It should have been obvious what the problem was here. 

Boruto grinned cheekily. “It’s a talent, what more can I say?”

_ This guy…  _ I grinned back and pulled his hand away from my face, holding it against my chest while I kissed him yet again. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough. No, I knew I never would. He kissed me back and initiated some of his own, biting his lip when he pulled away to look at me with a giddy expression. Boruto liked me too… and I was happy. Shit, I was so happy. 

“Don’t leave me.” I nearly whimpered, wrapping my arms around him as if he would up and vanish any second. 

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me as well and began running his fingers through my hair. “I won’t.”

I buried my face in his neck and breathed deeply, trying to keep myself calm. He was right here after all, I shouldn’t have been so worried. “Can I stay?”

“You can stay.” He told me, massaging my scalp.

“Are you sure?”

He hummed, breath steady and even. “As sure as can be. I like having you around, you know.”

“For now. Guess I should enjoy it while it lasts.” I chuckled and lifted my head to look at him. 

He tried for a serious expression, but his lips were twitching. “Eh, what’s with the negativity? Not in my house you don’t.”

“Well… I’m just saying… you’re gonna get sick of me eventually.” I shrugged.

The smile broke through and he shook his head. “Says you. I don’t believe it for a second. You’re too cool for that.”

“You really think I’m cool?” I laughed lightly as I secured my arms around him and lifted him as I stood. 

“H-hey!”

“Already yelling at me… see… it’s began.” I forced a sigh and laid him down on his mattress, getting in bed next to him. 

Boruto puffed out his cheeks. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” I asked, unable to wipe the smile off my face. I rolled him onto his side to face me, pulled him close and tucked my arm around him. 

“S-say, isn’t this a little close?” He stammered.

“Sick of me already… it’s only been five minutes.”

“Last warning, quit it with that or else.” He huffed and tucked his head under my chin, snuggling against my chest. “Never said I was sick of you.” He mumbled.

“But… you… did you just threaten me?” I raised a brow, smiling wide. 

“I sure as hell did.”

“Yeah? What will you do then?”

He snaked his hand around me to fist my shirt at the back. “I’ll smack you. This time with the gloves off.” 

“Ow. That hurt.” I mused, pouting. “Don’t be so mean.”

Boruto peeked up at me. “Then support us like your life depends on it.” 

“I’m all in.” I told him earnestly and then kissed him again to seal the deal. 

He made a high pitched noise of protest, but didn’t actually protest and kissed me back sweetly. I wasn’t sure how I’d resisted him so long. I wasn’t sure how I’d forgiven myself and had been able to allow this to happen. It was all so hard to believe. That I was here now and Boruto wanted me too. I meant what I told him about being all in—I would definitely support us with everything I had in me. I wasn’t sure what all there was left, but when I was with him it felt like there was enough. I hoped it was. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six—Boruto

Things had taken a turn that I never would have expected. Kawaki-kun had come to me, had  kissed me and told me how he felt as best he could. He had been so sweet and smiled at me in a way that I knew had to be real. Learning of his feelings helped me acknowledge and accept my own, but I had been walking down that road since before he showed up. I thought about a lot of things after that night at his apartment. What he meant to me . . . how he made me feel . . . I needed to sort it all out. Regardless if I thought it was hopeless or not, I couldn’t ignore it and I couldn’t deny that I was beginning to want to explore those feelings. 

Being around him made me happy and I wanted to spend more and more time together. I valued his opinion as a fellow lyricist and admired his talent. Even though I didn’t press for it, I always wanted to know more about him. His name seemed to be on my mind constantly and my thoughts would wander to him so naturally. I realized that I was scared to even so much as hint at seeing him as more than a friend, thinking it would end it all and I would lose him. I never allowed the idea to cross my mind because of it and then it had snuck up on me at his apartment. I was still surprised at how I acted in the music shop, but didn’t regret hitting him. 

I had been so worried . . . I had gotten so angry . . . and it killed me to think that my presence caused him pain. I was willing to leave despite how I felt if it meant he wouldn’t have to suffer. Then the pictures . . . they had set something off inside of me. They had caused this revolated to rear its head and I was confused. I couldn’t determine when I had fallen for him, I just knew that I had. I liked Kawaki-kun and I couldn’t deny it. I wanted to make him laugh and smile. I wanted to be there for him and see him happy. It didn’t matter if I didn’t understand, it didn’t matter if it came out of nowhere, it didn’t matter if it didn’t make sense. The only thing that was important was what I did now. I liked him, but what was I going to do about it?

I had been at a standstill when I switched over to the album, thinking about what Kawaki-kun meant to me. He was that last note you played, that you basked in and held onto. He was irreplaceable. A man that you would never come across again in another lifetime, someone that caught me without even trying. Someone I could no longer imagine being without. Kawaki-kun was like the moon . . . my moon. 

To think he would come to me after I came to terms with my newfound feelings for him, it was crazy. It was fate. I kept saying that over and over because I believed it. I believed it more than anything. Being with him now, laying in bed together after a night of confessions and music, I let myself feel and wish and hope to my heart’s content. I gazed at his sleeping face and burned the image in my mind. It felt like a dream. Last night I had really thought I was imagining things, that the way he looked at me and the way he smiled was just me seeing what I wanted to see. I thought that embracing my feelings had somehow imparied my judgement and was making me see things that weren’t real. Then Kawaki-kun, in his awkward and perfect way, showed me what was in his heart. Even though he had been scared, he decided to jump in right along with me. He was a lot braver than he knew.

While I was lost in my thoughts, Kawaki-kun stirred. His arms around me tightened slightly and he yawned. “Boruto.” He called, voice deeper than I’d ever heard it. 

“Hm?” I hummed, wanting to hear that deep rumble again.

“Go out with me.”

I smiled broadly and leaned forward to press a kiss to his jaw. “I’d love to.” I said against his skin.

“Good.” He breathed, voice still tinged with sleep. He rolled onto his back, taking me right along with him so that I was laying on top of him, hooked in place by his arms as he stretched. “Right now.”

“Yeah, I agreed to it.” I chuckled. “Consider us officially dating.”

“Mm. Then we have to go on a date.” He smiled, grey eyes peeking open to look at me. 

I rested my chin on top of my hands and started kicking my feet. “I’ve never been on a date before. What should we do, Kawaki-kun?” I asked, looking at him excitedly.

“ Never ?” He asked in disbelief, brows furrowed. 

“Nope.” I answered simply. “No one I liked ever asked me, not that I liked a lot of people. I’m actually pretty picky.” Though with him it just kind of happened. I was drawn in before I knew what hit me.

“Well then… get your ass ready.” He grinned at me and slowly pulled his arms away. 

Instead of getting up, I rolled over him a few times and giggled when he grunted. He raised his hands to my face, fingers threading through my hair and then he kissed my left brow. 

“Come on now, there will be plenty of time for rolling around in bed later.” 

“I’ll hold you to that.” I said before rolling off of him and sitting up on the bed. “I’m going to take a quick shower if you don’t mind waiting.”

“Not at all. Once you’re ready, we’ll have to stop by my place so I can do the same.” He mumbled, yawned and then rolled over onto his side, closing his eyes again. 

I shook my head at the sight, knowing for a fact he would be knocked out by the time I got out. I headed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before getting in the shower. Wanting to tame my bedhead, I took the time to wash my hair but still finished up in about twenty minutes. As I suspected, Kawaki-kun was sleeping soundly as I came out drying my hair. I took advantage of his state and got dressed before sitting on the bed again. I leaned over him and started tracing his piercings with my finger. 

“Hm?” He grunted and swatted my hand lazily in his sleep. 

I went for his nose next and tapped it a few times. “Not much of a morning person, eh?”

“Yeah… ‘m up.” He mumbled and rolled back onto his back before sitting up slowly. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” I said and flattened a few stray hairs on his head. “Just think, once you get home and showered we can go get breakfast together. I know some good places.”

“Yeah? Okay… thought I’d be cooking. Now I can be lazy.” He chuckled and moved around me to get out of bed. “I’m ready.” He added as he put his guitar in its case, along with the notebook I loaned him before closing it up. 

I grabbed my phone and wallet before walking behind him to the door. “Don’t think you’re off the hook. I'm cutting you some slack today, but I have every intention of enjoying your cooking. Believe it.”

Kawaki-kun stopped at the door to get his coat on and then his toboggan. “That’s good, I like to cook.” He mused and then stepped into his boots. 

“I like to eat.” I chuckled and bundled up as well.

“Well then… I might end up getting you chunky.” He laughed and opened the door.

I joined in, the image cracking me up. “Think about rolling in bed with me then, I’d flatten you.” I said after I followed him out and turned to lock my apartment.

“Oh not a chance. I’m a big boy. Besides, I think you’d be even more cute if you were chunky.”

“So the lesson of the day is I look good regardless.” I said and tossed him a wink.

“You’re right on the money.” He told me with a soft smile. 

I grinned happily and linked my arm with his. “Since you’re so nice, I’ll escort you back to your place.”

“Ooh. Make sure you stay close.” He said as he gazed down at our linked arms. 

“Of course! As your escort, I have to keep an eye on you.” I told him. “It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.”

“Ah. I won’t argue.” He said with a sad smile. 

I grabbed the sleeve of his coat with my other arm to get closer, wishing I knew what was going on in his head. “Careful. You can’t be too willing or else I might take advantage.” 

“That’s fine… as long as you’re by my side.”

“You won’t have to worry about that.” I made a promise after all. “It’s a wonderful place to be.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He spoke honestly, but there was still a hint of sadness in his grey eyes that I couldn’t help but be curious about. Just what was it that made him feel that way? 

We took the bus to Kawaki-kun’s apartment and I waited in the living room while he took a shower. Though some things would be the same, a part of me was nervous about how things would be different between us now. Holding onto him whenever I wanted, going on dates, kisses and being affectionate . . . it was something I hadn’t explored before and yet came naturally. I didn’t hesitate to do or take what I wanted so far. I was able to face my feelings head on, but I was worried for the future. I would only continue to like Kawaki-kun more and more. What would I do when it felt like my heart would beat out of my chest? What would I do when those grey eyes of his stared me down? What would I do if and when my shy side got the better of me?

I was indeed nervous about all of that, but it was somehow exciting too. I was comfortable around Kawaki-kun and he was a friend I treasured. Boyfriend Kawaki-kun was new and someone I hid my embarrassment from. This was going to be challenging to say the least, but I was surviving so far. 

I nearly jumped when my phone rang, deep in thought and not expecting it. My eyes narrowed suspiciously at the number that had been persistently trying to get a hold of me. Whoever it was would get the message if I kept ignoring them so once again I ended the call. My voice mail remained empty and that left me feeling confused. If they had meant to call me and not someone else, wouldn’t they leave a message? It just didn’t make any sense. I was still staring at my phone when Kawaki-kun walked in freshly showered and changed. The mere sight of him easily made me smile and I stood up, ready to go and get this date started. I took him to a small restaurant in the shopping district that was open from sun up to sun down. 

While the place was easily overlooked, it had a strong number of regulars that kept it in business. After we were taken to a booth, we shed our winter wear and looked at the menu.

“All of their breakfast choices are really good so you can’t go wrong with whatever you decide on.” I told him as I contemplated on getting orange juice or hot chocolate.

“Do you come here a lot?” He asked as he skimmed over the menu. 

“Every now and then, yeah. Never before classes though because I’d never make it to campus on time.” There were too many distractions close by.

Kawaki-kun hummed in understanding and set his menu down, grey eyes moving to me instead. “I make breakfast at home every morning. Unless it’s a bad day.”

“I’m surprised you get up in time to cook considering what I saw this morning.” I teased and set my menu down too to lean on the table.

“Breakfast is usually simple. Never takes long. But yeah… I hate getting up.”

I smiled, picturing a sleepy Kawaki-kun cracking eggs. “Cute.”

“You’re cute.” He countered, ears burning. 

I chuckled and rested my cheek in my hand. “Oh, am I now? Are you saying I don’t match the serious and mysterious image of a bassist?”

He leaned back in his seat and tried to fight off a smile. “I think you’ve got half of it down… sometimes.”

“Eh?” Only half? “I can’t have that. Please give me some pointers oh wise and charming vocalist.”

“It’s better to be original. So keep doing what you’re doing.” 

I couldn’t agree more. “Wise advice indeed, I knew I kept you around for a reason.”

Kawaki-kun laughed through his nose. “I still think you’re a little crazy for it. But I’m not gonna complain.”

“Better not.” I said and tried to give him a stern look. 

A waitress stopped by to take our orders and we both ended up getting hot chocolate to drink. Kawaki-kun ordered pancakes and bacon and I got waffles and eggs. It didn’t take long for our food to arrive and we both started eating right away. 

“What’s your favorite thing to eat?” He asked after taking a bite. 

I hummed in thought as I cut up my waffles. “There's so many options . . . so many things I haven’t tried yet too. Can I go by meals instead? Ham and eggs for breakfast, a baked potato for lunch with soup on the side, mashed potatoes and steak for dinner.”

“Simple enough. Been awhile since I had a good steak. Maybe we will have to indulge tonight.” 

“Damn, thinking about it is making me hungry.” I said and poured some maple syrup over my waffles. “How can you be hungry when you have food in front of you?”

“You’re definitely going to end up chunky.” Kawaki-kun teased. 

I laughed and patted my stomach. “If only. It all tends to go to the same place.” My ass.

“I wonder where.” He mused, returning to his breakfast. 

“I’ll let you figure it out.” I smirked before starting to eat my eggs.

We enjoyed our food and hot chocolate while we continued to talk, asking each other questions and figured out what we wanted to do for our date. We had a whole day to spend together and the possibilities were endless. In the end Kawaki-kun gave me the reigns and said that wherever I went he would follow. After we finished eating, I paid for breakfast before he could pull his wallet out and didn’t give in to his protests. Then we went outside again all bundled up and I took him around to explore the shopping district. There really was a lot there to get distracted with and I hadn’t seen everything myself, but we had the time to look around. We went into different clothing stores and tried some things on, one shop in particular having a good number of things in my style. I grabbed a handful of outfits and put on a little modeling show for Kawaki-kun.

Some I put on just for laughs, but I did end up buying a few that I really liked. Kawaki-kun didn’t get anything for himself though and I decided to put the idea away for later. After seeing him browse for a while, I had a good sense of what he liked and what he didn’t. Whenever I had time, I could pick some things out that were his style and give them to him for christmas. We went into other shops as well and looked around, but didn’t get anything from them. I stopped dead in my tracks when we came up to a pet store and saw puppies playing through the window. I practically dragged Kawaki-kun inside in my excitement and cooed at the little balls of fluff. My heart melted when I heard kittens and followed the cries until I found them. 

They were playing too, the sight making me weak. If only I had the time to take care of a pet, but with the band and college it was impossible. I always wanted to have a pet and was determined to get one some day. I just didn’t know when that day would be. We didn’t stay there as long as I would have liked because I didn't want to get attached to any of them. It seemed we soon entered the street performer area and came across all kinds of groups, each with their own gimmick. We held hands as the crowd got thicker and stopped to watch some singers. We saw some dancers next and I asked Kawaki-kun if he knew how to ‘bust a move’. I giggled when he said he had no fucking clue and wasn’t the dancing type, but I offered to teach him if he ever wanted to learn.

We came across a magician as well and I clapped along with everyone else every time he did a trick. I couldn’t figure out how he did any of it, he kept his secrets well hidden. Kawaki-kun nudged me when the magician started taking volunteers, but there was no way in hell I was getting cut in half or anything of the sort. We took a break after that and had lunch. This time we sat in a U shaped booth and I was more than happy to sit next to my boyfriend. Kawaki-kun set my bags under the table and made it clear before we even ordered that he would be getting the bill. I didn’t argue and grinned warmly at him, I was having a lot of fun today. We talked about all the performers we saw and went in depth on a couple of the bands while we ate.

When we finished and Kawaki-kun had paid, I linked my arm with his as he carried my bags in his other hand. There was a larger crowd gathered further up and we went to see what was up. Once we got a spot where we could see, I was surprised at the daredevil performers. They were throwing knives and shooting arrows at each other. They were certainly crazy, but were pretty impressive too. A contortanist came forward and got into position, holding a bow and arrow with her feet to up the stakes. Kawaki-kun looked on with an expression mixed with amazement and shock. She shot an apple off of another person’s head and everyone clapped. Another set of people started preparing the next act and my jaw dropped when I spotted the blindfolds. Scratch crazy, they were insane. 

A man came up to our side of the crowd while a women went to the other, both suddenly breathing fire. I screamed along with everyone else, but mine wasn’t out of surprise. I hid my face in Kawaki-kun’s chest and held onto him tightly. My hands shook and I tried to block out the images that wanted to surface. No, no, no,  no .

“Hey,” Kawaki-kun wrapped his free arm around me and leaned his face down next to mine. “they scared you? It’s okay…”

I focused on his voice, I focused on the present. “I-I . . . I don’t want to watch anymore.”

“Okay.” He hummed and with his arm still around me, pulled me away. When we were a good distance, he stopped and set the bags down, both of his large hands moving to my head and stroking my hair. “It’s okay…”

I held him close and breathed in his scent. “I don’t like fire.” I whispered, wanting to give him some kind of explanation. “It just startled me . . .”

“That’s understandable. I’m sorry… it came out of nowhere.” He sighed and placed a kiss to the top of my head. “Let’s get your mind off it. Want to go somewhere else… or back to my place?”

I took my time answering him to calm myself. I wouldn’t let this ruin our date. “We can go somewhere else. It’s not late yet . . . maybe the ice rink? There’s one nearby.”

Kawaki-kun stiffened at the suggestion and took a long moment to respond. “No.”

I peeked up at him, wondering what was up. “You don’t like to skate?”

His face had fallen and gone pale, his grey eyes darting around anxiously. He looked distraught. I brought a gloved hand up to his face to bring his gaze back to mine.

“We can go somewhere else, Kawaki-kun.” I said, wanting to bring him back to me instead of that dark place he was heading to. If I had the power to do so, I wanted to prevent another episode like the one he had before he shut himself away. “What’s something you’ve never done before? A place you’ve never been?”

“I… I don’t know… bowling?” He got out, voice shaky. 

I smiled gently at him and took what I could get. “Bowling, alright. Let’s do that. I haven’t done that in a long time and it’ll be fun.”

He nodded once, but his brows were still furrowed. It was obvious though that whatever was on his mind, he was trying to push it back. “Okay.”

I held fast to his arm again as he picked up my bags. We lucked out with finding a bowling alley right around the corner, but my mind was swimming in realization. Everyone was different had handled pain in different ways. Kawaki-kun was scared, perhaps more so than I was. While I was still affected by my past and wounds, I had a good grip on myself. I could get back up no matter how many times I was knocked down. Therapy and my own inner strength made me who I was today, allowed me to still be able to smile. My wounds had time to get better. Kawaki-kun’s were still fresh and he was struggling, he wasn’t in a place where he could fully confront his darkness without being consumed. I could still get pulled down by my own darkness like mere minutes before, but I didn’t know what Kawaki-kun had been through. 

I didn’t know how to get him out of it and go towards the light. All I could do was stay by his side and hope that was enough, hope I was enough to one day help him look back without threatening to break. After we entered the bowling alley and were given a lane to play on, we changed our shoes and set our things in our section. Then we went over to pick out our ball to use to knock down the pins. I couldn’t remember which weight was the right one for me and we both ended up having to try a few, picking them up to see how heavy they were. 

“Maybe this one?” I said and tried a yellow one, picking it up and setting it back down almost immediately. “Definitely not. Way too heavy.”

“Aw.” Kawaki-kun fought off a laugh and ruffled my hair. “Maybe this one, it’s light.” He said, handing over the pink one in his other hand. 

I took it from him and noticed the difference right away. “Much better. Yeah, this should work. Did you find one?”

“Not yet…” He said as he glanced around at the balls and tried another one of the heavy ones. “This one might be okay.”

“It fits your fingers too?” I asked, making sure.

He nodded, grey eyes returning to mine. “They slide right in.”

My mind unexpectedly went to the gutter and I quickly turned around to hide the way my face heated up. “Alright, let’s do with that one.” Why was I suddenly thinking of things like that now?

“I’m sure I’ll suck, hope that’s okay.” He mused as he walked with me to the scoreboard and I started putting our names in. 

Oh my fucking- “I might too, you never know.” I said and cleared my throat. I was horrible and needed to stop, right this second. This was a wholesome place and I was in no way prepared for such things. “It’ll be an interesting game for sure, I can’t even remember if I was any good at this.”

“We can learn together. I’m sure it will come back to you… and I catch on fast. I’m pretty good with my hands, so I’m not too worried.”

Wow . . . since when did I think of such things? And about Kawaki-kun no less. Sure he was my boyfriend now, but still. Every word out of his mouth shouldn’t paint a dirty image.

“Can I go first?” I asked and told myself to focus on the game.

“Always.” He smirked. I blinked at him, wondering if . . . no, there was no way. 

“Well, here goes nothing.” I said and carried my ball up to the bowling lane. I lined myself up and then went forward, swinging my arm. The pink ball went to the left and ended up knocking down half the pins. “Hey, that’s not too bad. I might be a pro, you know?”

“Can’t wait to find out.” Kawaki-kun smiled, grey eyes darkening. He licked his lips as he watched me with interest. 

W-what the hell is this? “If I am then it will be all over for you.” I said and went back to get my bowling ball, careful not to meet his gaze. It was happening just like I thought it would, my pulse was starting to quicken.

“You won’t hear any complaints from me.” He hummed, voice cheeky. 

That bastard was doing it on purpose after all. “I’m going to wipe the floor with you.” I said and turned on my heel, determined to knock down the rest of the pins. I lined myself up again and then went for it, the ball hitting the pins sweet music to my ears. “Yes!”

“Nice job.” Kawaki-kun praised me as he came over with his ball. “Wish me luck.”

“I’ll wish you a little luck because I like you, but I’m still going to win.” I smiled and patted his shoulder before going to sit down.

Kawaki-kun waited for the pins to set and then took his turn, his ball rolling fast and curving to hit the pins straight in the center. They all knocked down forcefully, a strike right off the bat. He turned around with a sly smile and cunning eyes. 

“Well what do you know…”

“That . . . was so cool!” I exclaimed and clapped in amazement. I couldn’t even be upset by his skill. “How did you do that?”

He walked over and plopped down in the spot next to me. “Told you I was good with my hands.”

“I can see that.” I grinned and couldn’t resist kissing his cheek before I got back up for my turn. I picked up my ball and tried to put more force behind my swing, but I had no idea how to curve it. The ball rolled with a faster speed than earlier and was close to the middle, but it ended up leaving some pins standing on both sides. “Uh oh . . . that’s a problem.”

“Not really.” Kawaki-kun grumbled behind me. 

I turned around to question him and blushed when I caught him staring at my ass. I wasn’t sure how to react to that and contemplated it as I went to get my ball. “The pins, Kawaki-kun. I don’t think I’ll be able to make that shot.”

“Just take your time.” 

So you can take yours? I didn’t really know how to handle this side of him and tried not to get distracted as I lined up for the right side. This was certainly . . . different. I wasn’t used to that kind of attention. I swung the ball with more force again and got hopeful when a couple of the pins flew over to the left. It had looked good, but one single pin remained standing.

“Damn, it was so close.” I tisked and then sighed, going to sit down again.

“You did good.” Kawaki-kun said, standing just as I reached him and he plopped his hand on top of my head. “Great form.”

I shook my head at him and poked his chest. “You should miss to make me feel better then.”

“Alright.” He grinned and his hand fell away as he left me to take his turn. He really meant it, he actually didn’t even try with either of his shots, both times his ball rolling into the gutter. When he came back over, he was still grinning. “I really do suck.”

“I can’t believe you!” I laughed and gave him a hug. “Throwing your turn, seriously. Such a boyfriend move.”

“It’s what I’m here for. I’ll pull lots of those.” 

I giggled as I got my pink ball again, blue eyes looking at him fondly. “Me too. But not during this game because I still plan to win. Bring it, Kawaki-kun.”

“Show me what you’ve got, Boruto.”

We had a lot of fun and talked a lot of smack, but honestly I didn’t care who won. Seeing Kawaki-kun happy was all that mattered to me. After the game ended we decided to go to his place for dinner. He took me by a meat market to buy steaks and I smiled brightly at the implication. The bus ride back seemed long, but that was because of my eagerness for Kawaki-kun’s cooking. When we got to his apartment and shed our winter gear, I took my bags from him and asked to borrow his washer and dryer. Then while he went to the kitchen to start on dinner I took off all the tags of my outfits and put them in the washer. A cup of hot chocolate was waiting for me in the living room when I went in there and I yelled a thank you before I sat down to help myself. 

He really got to me, being looked after like this, and I owed my boyfriend a kiss when he brought his caring ass back in here. I turned on the TV as I sipped my drink and searched for something good to watch. They were already streaming christmas movies, but I settled on a nice sci fi classic instead. It had just started too and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was a newer remake, one I hadn’t seen before. I took the blanket from the back of the couch and tucked it around my lap as I watched on in anticipation. 

After he’d gotten everything started cooking, Kawaki joined me with his own hot chocolate. He sat close to me, resting his arm on the back of the couch behind me. He took a moment to see what I was watching before making a sound of surprise. “Can’t say I expected you to watch this type of movie…”

“If it has alien life, adventure and action consider me interested.” I said and had some more of my drink. “This one’s a remake. I hope they made those four-eyed things on the first planet creepier.”

“Hm. You’re just full of surprises.” He chuckled. 

“Here’s another.” I said before leaning up and capturing his lips in a slow and lingering kiss. “That’s for being so thoughtful.”

“Careful. I might spill.” He huffed playfully and licked his lips. 

My eyes followed the motion and I hummed before looking back to the TV. “Chocolatey.”

“Mm. I love chocolate.”

I smiled against my cup. “Me too, but I suspect you have me beat.”

“Maybe… maybe not.” He shrugged and took a swallow of his hot chocolate. 

I leaned onto him, snuggling close and we watched the movie together. He had to check on the food soon though and got up, disturbing the comfy setting. “Kawaki-kuuuun.” I whined in protest.

“Aw, don’t do that.” He chuckled. “I’ll only be gone a minute. You do want steak, right?”

“Yeah.” I sighed and decided to just keep his spot warm. “Off with you then and hurry back. It’s going to start getting good, lots of jump scares.”

“Okay, okay.” He said as he left me, laughing. 

In the time he was gone it was made clear that the remake was very different, way more high quality and a lot of new things that hadn’t been in the original. It fit though and was exciting so I wasn’t complaining. I took a long swallow of my hot chocolate before setting the cup down so I wouldn’t drop it. There was something following the two people that got separated from the group and I gasped when a clawed hand nearly grabbed one from behind.

“Kawaki-kun, hurry! You’re missing it!” Things were about to go down any second.

“I’m coming.” He called from the kitchen, finally returning with two plates loaded with food for us. He set them on the coffee table, peeking at the movie. “You want something else to drink with dinner?”

“Wait for the commercial break.” I insisted and waved him over to sit down. “Come on, someone’s about to get snatched.”

Kawaki-kun sat down close to me again and rested his hand on my thigh, eyes locked on the movie. The hand appeared again and this time at a clearer angle, revealing the details as it ghosted over the guy’s head.

“Ewww, look at it. So cool.” I gushed.

“Looks slimy. Disgusting.” He mumbled, fingers drawing lazy circles on my leg. 

Right after the words left his lips, a thick glob of fluid dropped from the hand and landed on the guy’s face. The second he looked up he was grabbed, scream cut short by the force of the pull.

“His friend is completely oblivious! He shouldn’t have gone ahead so far and now he’s looking around like an idiot.” I scolded, loving every second of it. “He’s next for sure.”

“You’re so animated right now… it’s adorable…”

The movie went to a commercial break and I looked over at him, unable to understand how he could watch me instead of the movie. “You didn’t miss it when he was grabbed, did you?”

“No…?” He looked around and patted my leg before getting up. “What do you want to drink?”

“You totally missed it! Kawaki-kun!” I chided, but smiled. “Don’t look away once it really gets going. I’d like a soda. Please and thank you.”

“I’ll try.” He called as he left, returning quickly with a soda for me and a bottle of water for himself. “Make sure you eat.”

“Me? Little old chunky monkey? No way.” I grinned as I picked up my plate.

Kawaki-kun sat down and picked up his plate as well. “Chunky monkey…” He trailed quietly. “That’s gonna stick.”

I laughed, thankful I hadn’t put any food in my mouth yet. “Be my guest.”

“I will. There will be no stopping me.” He laughed too as he started slicing his steak. 

My mouth watered and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go right for the steak or save it for last. I chose to save it and began eating the mashed potatoes, humming happily at the taste. I was cutting my own steak by the time the movie came on and quickly finished so I wasn’t looking back and forth between my plate and the screen. Then I drank the rest of my hot chocolate before moving on to my soda. The other guy did end up getting grabbed and we saw him being dragged by his hair before it switched to the rest of the group. Once they realized they weren’t alone, the plans for their defense started and they set up a base of operations. It wasn’t long until it got intense and the battle began. My hand ended up hitting Kawaki-kun’s leg every time the action got to me, unable to help myself in my excitement. 

I had finally put a piece of steak in my mouth when one of the slimy aliens charged right for leader. “Oh my god, the commander!” I shouted and began chewing, caught up in the drama but blown away by the taste of the much anticipated meal. “Oh my god, this steak!”

“You like it?” He asked softly, amused. 

I pried my eyes away to glance at him, covering my mouth as I spoke. “It’s really good, like really really good.” I might not be able to survive without his cooking. 

“Better than the movie?” He asked teasingly. 

I giggled and then swallowed. “Yes, better than the movie. That you better be watching.”

“Oh… yes sir, chunky monkey.” He smiled, turning his eyes back to the TV. 

This time I laughed and shoved another piece of steak in my mouth before I leaned back against him, turning back to the screen as well. They barely made it to the second planet and I was pumped for the creepy four-eyed things. I ate my steak as the movie progressed, groaning at what was happening and the taste of the food. Kawaki-kun had to have taken some lessons or something because it was the best I ever had. It was so tender and juicy, seasoned to perfection. He had made it a decent amount of time too. I might have to ask him to make me something for lunch at school tomorrow. My plate was empty before the final battle began and I wasn’t let down by the remake, the four eyed things were creepy as hell and bigger too. 

I held Kawaki-kun’s hand when he finished as well and sipped my soda with my other hand, ready to see how it all ended. Unlike the original everyone didn’t end up dying, a lone survivor escaped with the promise of revenge. My head fell back against Kawaki-kun’s shoulder and I let out a deep breath. 

“Man, I hope there's a sequel planned.” It was too good not to have one and considering they had picked up where the original had left off, it seemed very likely. “Could you imagine landing somewhere like that and being hunted by those things?” 

“No. Hell no.” He shuddered and finished his water and then set the empty bottle on the coffee table. “It’s pretty late… are you staying over?”

I blinked at him and checked the time. “Shit, I didn’t realize . . .” There wouldn’t be any buses running this late. “Oh no!” I gasped and dashed off the couch as I remembered I was supposed to be washing my new clothes as well. The cycle hadn’t been done for very long and I sighed in relief as I put them in the dryer. 

“Relax. You can stay… we can swing by your place in the morning if we need to.” Kawaki-kun said from behind me. “I want you to stay…”

I turned around to look at him after I started the dryer and smiled. “Well if you don’t mind, yeah. This time I’ll sleep over.”

“Only this time, huh?” He snorted. “Fine.”

I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders. “Hey, I can’t be too easy you know?”

“I don’t think you’re easy.” He said with a pout and tugged me over to him, embracing me firmly. “Besides, I wasn’t asking you to fuck. Just sleep over.”

My face flamed. “Y-yeah . . . I know that.”

“Whoa, don’t get all red like that. It’s too cute.” Kawaki-kun laughed and pressed his nose to my neck. 

“Then don’t go saying stuff like that out of the blue.” I huffed and his breath made me tilt my head towards his. “Careful, I’m ticklish.”

“Really?” He smiled against my neck and then pulled back. “That sucks…”

“Don’t even think about it.” I said and instinctively shielded my sides. 

“I won’t… if I start touching you it won’t be to make you laugh.”

I moved my hands to push lightly at his chest instead, narrowing my eyes. “See, there you go again.”

“Sorry…” He sighed. “It’s just… never mind. We should get to bed.”

I studied his face, hands moving once more to slide around his waist. “Just what?”

His lips pulled down into a frown and he hesitated before looking into my eyes. That sadness was back. “Just been a long time since I could fuck around like this.”

“W-well,” I stuttered, his words throwing me again despite my best efforts, “if it’s any consolation . . . I’ve never done that.” 

“Never been teased?”

I shook my head. “Not to this degree, when it means something and gets a reaction out of me. But I meant that I haven’t done anything. With anyone. Kind of flying blind here . . .” I confessed.

“Oh… I see.” He nodded thoughtfully. “I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. And… I’m not going to try anything, so you don’t need to worry. But… I like getting a reaction out of you.”

I smiled softly at him. “I’m sure you do. And I don’t mind that. I never have to worry when you’re around, Kawaki-kun. I guess I’m just trying to say that . . . well if I shy away or something, don’t take it personally.”

“I won’t.” He assured me with a slight smile. “But I’ll tone it down.”

“Thanks.” I said and rested my head against his chest, feeling better after admitting that to him. 

He rubbed my back soothingly for a moment and then pulled me to his room, releasing me only when we were inside. He closed the door and then moved his hands to the button of his jeans. I quickly looked away, flushing again and tried to calm my racing heart. Didn’t we just agree not to give me a heart attack?

“Eh, could I maybe borrow something to sleep in?” I asked to distract myself.

“Sure, of course.” He agreed and started going through some drawers. When he finished he brought me a T-shirt and some jogging pants, having changed into a T-shirt himself and put on some thin looking pajama bottoms. 

I took the clothes and thanked him before turning around. I considered leaving the room to change in the bathroom, but a larger part of me wanted to get a reaction out of him too. I kept my back to him as I changed, heart pounding, and then held my clothes over my arm.

“Should I throw these in the washer?” I asked, not able to look at him just yet.

“Just leave them by the door. I’ll take care of them tomorrow.” He said and I heard him pulling the covers back. 

I glanced over my shoulder, wondering if my little attempt failed. “Alright.” I went over and set them where he asked, careful not to trip over the pant legs of the joggers.

Kawaki-kun got situated in the bed and when I started to make my way over, I noticed the way his grey eyes were flaring with something raw I couldn’t place. He pulled the covers back for me and waited while I got in next to him, happy that he pulled me right against his chest. 

“I wasn’t trying to look… but you got a chunky monkey ass.” He grumbled. “You were trying to taunt me, weren’t you?”

Despite the situation, I busted out laughing. “I did tell you it all went to one place. So you figured it out, huh?” The attempt hadn’t failed after all.

“It’s really… something.” He breathed. 

A wave of heat went through me and I bit my lip. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” He hummed, hand sliding down to my lower back. “I wanna feel it.”

My jaw dropped at his boldness, but I quickly closed it. So this was what it was like to have a boyfriend. I swallowed and fisted his t-shirt. “Okay . . .” I could handle that. Probably.

“Okay?” He asked, taken aback. 

“We are dating . . . and it’s not like I don’t want you to touch me.” I said over the beating of my heart. It was our first date and first day as an official couple, but Kawaki-kun and I were far from strangers. “You can do it.” 

He smiled and leaned in, kissing me softly. “It means a lot that you’d let me… but I won’t. Not tonight.”

That confused me a bit. “Because?” Was I being too eager? Was he simply voicing his thoughts?

“Because I’m trying to tone it down… remember?”

“Right. Right.” That was the agreement and I was surprised myself that I was jumping right in minutes later. I didn’t want to go into the deep end right away or rushing things, but . . . “A little is fine. We can work our way there, you know?”

“Oh?” He voiced, sounding amused. “Is that your way of saying you want me to touch you?”

I played with the fabric of his shirt, face heated. “Yes.” Why was I so awkward and bad at this?

Kawaki-kun sucked in a breath at my admission and locked his lips with mine at the same time his hand slid underneath the jogging pants, leaving my underwear as the only barrier between my skin as he caressed my cheek slowly before groping it a little more firmly. 

“Mm. Definitely a chunky monkey.”

A startled giggle came out of me. “I can’t believe you said that with your hand on my ass.”

“What? It’s the truth…” He laughed, still rubbing and fondling my ass. 

“You’re terrible.” I chuckled and then arched my back, whispering, “You’re lucky I like that about you.”

His hand stopped for all of three seconds before he rolled on his back, pulling me with him so that I was laying on top of him, my legs straddling one of his. Then his other hand slipped beneath the joggers too. Both took a firm grip at the same time he raised the leg between mine slightly. I gasped and looked down at him, hands holding on to his shoulders.

“Y-you’re a fan of flirting then?” I got out, the tables turned at my teasing. I didn’t expect him to react like that.

“A big fan.” He nodded as he gazed up at me, grey eyes smoldering. His hands continued to knead my backside as if he never wanted to stop. 

Things were definitely happening and I could feel my blush reach my ears. “Wow.”

“Wow? Is it really surprising?”

“No.” I shook my head, grinning even though I was kind of embarrassed. “I meant us. This, just . . . wow.”

“Kiss me.” He said roughly, his hands pushing me down and forcing me to grind against his leg. 

I gasped again and shivered, a weak and quiet moan leaving my lips before I dropped my head to kiss him. His mouth moved against mine tenderly, with a passion that easily stole my breath. He forced me to grind down on him harder and when my mouth opened in a silent moan, his tongue slipped inside and swirled around mine. My hands went up to either side of his head to thread my fingers through his hair. I let him move me as he pleased and kissed back with just as much desire. This was so new to me, so intense. I could feel my body temperature rising and humming with arousal. 

I was really doing this, kissing and touching Kawaki-kun in such a way. I was going crazy like this because of the man that stirred these feelings inside of me. I never thought of being with another person like this, I had always been so focused on my music. Crushes were different, thinking someone was attractive was different, being in a relationship and holding them just couldn’t be compared. I liked Kawaki-kun, so much more than I had first thought. Or maybe it was just growing as I spent more time with him. Whatever it was, it was a new experience that made me want to drown in lust. 

It wasn’t just lust, no, but it was the first time I had ever indulged in it. I was right to be nervous. It messed me up just like I suspected it would. I was shy and embarrassed and so goddamn turned on and my heart—had it ever beat this fast? We kissed and kissed and  kissed , who needed to breathe anyway? This kind of fire I liked. This kind of fire I welcomed. Kawaki-kun rocked me against him so skillfully and I didn’t know if I would make it. It felt so good and I never wanted him to stop. My stomach kept coiling tighter and tighter, I was trembling and getting hotter and hotter. Why didn’t it burn? 

It all snapped when Kawaki-kun growled and I broke the kiss with a shaken cry as I came. I barely managed to let go of his hair in time before I pulled it, body tensing and head falling limp on his shoulder. It only lasted a few moments and then my body went limp as well, but nothing had ever felt so completely satisfying. It had taken me higher than I had ever been only to drop me back down to the point that my eyes slid closed. I listened to my own breaths and Kawaki-kun’s heart as I began to drift unexpectedly, but knew he would be here when I woke up. Maybe now that we were together, he always would be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven—** **_Kawaki_ **

I fucked up. I missed my medicine for two days in a row, I took things way too far with Boruto and now was dealing with finals at school. I wasn’t in a good place after what happened. It was worse because I wanted it—I wanted him… and it didn’t hit me until after I watched Boruto come for me. That’s when the guilt hit me. I couldn’t even enjoy it like I so desperately wanted to… because it felt like I betrayed Hōki. The ultimate betrayal. Going out with Boruto hadn’t affected me, especially after I openly spilled my heart out to Hōki… but things had just went to far… and I was really hating myself. 

It wasn’t Boruto’s fault—it was all mine. I truly wanted to be with him and I did have hope that one day, I wouldn’t resent myself for being with someone else—for being with Boruto. He was sweet and kind and he worked his way into my heart with ease. But when things got so intimate, I felt my heart shatter, I saw Hōki’s face… because it should have been him instead. Thinking that was wrong. It was all wrong on every possible end. Now not only did I feel as if I was betraying Hōki… but Boruto as well. I managed to keep myself together until he’d fallen asleep after, but I couldn’t sleep that night. 

Going without my medicine or forgetting it wasn’t like me, but it had happened. The next morning, I felt so awkward, but I tried not to let Boruto see. We eventually made it to school and my mind was in such disarray that I couldn’t concentrate on my work. It wasn’t a good time not to be on top of my studies. One minute I was thinking about Boruto and the next, I couldn’t get Hōki off my mind. Eventually the turmoil became enough that I pushed my thoughts of Boruto aside to focus on Hōki. He needed me more… didn’t he?

I ended up outside under the old tree for lunch, not having any kind of appetite. The misery was back, tenfold. I put my earbuds in, playing the playlist I created especially for my Hōki-related heartbreak and sat there under the tree, holding my face in my hands and crying quietly. It felt good for it to actually come out, for me to be able to find the tears and drown in the agony I was feeling. I was hurting Hōki… I was hurting Boruto… nobody deserved to hurt like I did. I deserved to suffer. 

There was a possibility that missing my medicine was the cause of me falling so deep, but I couldn’t come to terms with anything. I couldn’t figure anything out. I couldn’t settle down. My mind was spinning with the most ungodly thoughts. If I didn’t calm down, the downward spiral I was on would only worsen and I was fully aware of that. The only thing that cooled me was singing, so I started singing to the song through my tears, thankful I couldn’t hear myself. When I got really depressed, I had a bad habit of falling deeper on purpose—doing things I knew wouldn’t help—like looking at old pictures of him on my phone. 

I absolutely hated myself. 

A hand ran through my hair and suddenly Boruto was there, completely ignorant of everything but concerned nonetheless. “What happened?”

I locked my phone screen and dropped my head. I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t even face myself, but I pulled out one of my earbuds and wiped my eyes. “I’m fine.”

Boruto raised both of his eyebrows as if to say ‘really’, but didn’t call me out on it. “One day I’ll ask you. I’ll ask you about everything.” He said and situated himself beside me. “But right now, when you’re like this, we can just . . . be. I’ll keep you company.”

“Why… I’m… such a piece of shit. You should just run.” He needed to get far away from me and all my issues. 

“No thanks, I’m good right where I am.” He told me and looked up at the sky through the branches. “Right here is perfect.”

I shook my head, finding him to be incredibly difficult. Deep down though, I was so thankful he wanted to stick around. “I’m sorry… really I am.” I never meant to be this way… for things to happen like this. There was a chance that I would never change, that I’d never get truly better. Boruto didn’t deserve to put up with my dramatics. 

“They’re your feelings, Kawaki-kun. You don’t have to be sorry about them.” He said, still watching the sky. “Not feeling at all . . . that would be even more painful. You can embrace them, let it out and give them the attention they demand.” He said and threaded our fingers together. “I’ll be here and I won't let you drown. I won’t let the darkness take you.”

He was helping me settle down and I wasn’t sure if I should be happy about that or not. “That means so much to me… but… I’m… I just…” I sighed and palmed my face in frustration. It should have been easy to talk to him, to tell him everything that was on my mind… to tell him about Hōki. But I was afraid. If Boruto knew what happened… he might come to hate me. 

“Don’t force it.” He said, reading my mind. “And don’t assume the unknown. We can just sit here for now. That’s okay.”

I squeezed his hand and took a moment to breathe. Boruto wasn’t upset with me… he understood in some crazy way, even without knowing anything. And he wasn’t going to push me. I really respected him. I really liked him. 

“Thank you.” I whispered and raised his hand to my lips, kissing it softly. “But I think… I need to go.”

He looked back down at me. “Home?”

“No.” I shook my head slowly, meeting his eyes. “I need to go see someone.”

He nodded in understanding. “Do you need me to come with you? Or do you want to go alone?”

I was surprised that he offered to come with me, but that just wasn’t possible right now. “This is something I have to do on my own… but thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled and kissed my temple. “If you need me, don’t hesitate to call. Be careful and no sleeping outside or hiding away in a dark corner.”

“I’ll be fine… I’ll text you when I get home so you know I’m okay.” I said as I got to my feet slowly.

Boruto stood with me and squeezed my hand before letting go. “Okay, I’ll be waiting . . . . and Kawaki-kun?”

“Hm?” I stared down at him, waiting. 

“Whoever it is . . . say hi for me?”

My heart lurched into my throat and all my breath escaped me. I didn’t think something like this would hit me so deep… but it meant so much to know that Boruto cared. He didn’t even know, but he cared. I leaned down and pressed my forehead to his as I held tight to his hair and breathed shakily. 

“Thank you. I’ll tell him.”

“Good.” He said quietly and we stood there for a moment before he spoke again. “Now off you go. Stay warm.”

I nodded and kissed his forehead before grabbing my bag and taking my leave. Boruto really was such a thoughtful person and he meant a lot to me. One day—probably soon—I would have to tell him about Hōki. I needed some time and I wanted to see Hōki more, I didn’t want to try and push him away. After a year, it was obvious that I would never move on completely and that was fine. But I just wished he was still here. I could talk to him… but I could no longer hear his voice, he would never be able to reassure me again. 

When I arrived at the cemetery with the flowers I’d stopped and bought, I ignored my nerves and made my way over to his grave. The second I was standing before his tombstone, I broke. I fell to my knees, sobbing and wondering for the millionth time why… why him instead of me? Hōki and I… we were meant to be together forever, but he wasn’t here anymore. I would never have him by my side again, but I loved him. I loved him so much. I never stopped loving him, so it felt so wrong to try and move on with somebody else. 

But I wanted to. And I felt so shitty for that. 

“Goddammit Shorty.” I choked out, laying my forehead against the tombstone. “I hate myself. I hate feeling as if I’m hurting you… when you’re not even here.”

There were times when I didn’t think about him at all, when Boruto was able to fill my mind completely. I had to tell Hōki everything, every single thing that I was feeling—everything that happened. I was hurting so much and it seemed even more intense now than ever. I’d never cried so hard, not even right after his death. But that was a horrific time and I was absolutely destroyed. I’d lost it and had been heavily medicated as well, which could have been why I was so numb during the funeral. It made me sick remembering it all and I wished I could forget. I wished it never happened. 

Once again, I was at the cemetery until nightfall, it having taken hours for me to calm down. I apologized a thousand times, cried until I could cry no more, I begged for forgiveness and admitted that I couldn’t leave Boruto alone. I told him I would keep trying to let this other guy in and pray that I would be forgiven for it. He was a good guy after all and he would have loved Hōki too. He even told me to tell him hello. I needed Hōki, but I would never have him again. I needed Boruto too… and he was here… I couldn’t let that go. I couldn’t lose that.

I’d collected myself by the time I left… Hōki had left my mind, my thoughts turning to Boruto instead. I’d planned to go home and call him… yet just like the last time when I left the cemetery, I ended up at his door again. I was so torn—at a loss. For several minutes, I just stood at his door and leaned against it, wondering what I should do. Maybe I shouldn’t be there… but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. The door suddenly opened and I fell forward, right on top of Boruto.

“Eek! Wh-what the—Kawaki-kun?” He blinked up at me. “Shit, you scared me. And where’s my text? Are you alright?”

I sat up slowly and pulled him up with me. “Sorry… I hadn’t made it home… I came by instead of texting…”

“Oh.” He breathed, calming his racing pulse. “Well, come on in I guess.”

“Guess?” I frowned. 

“I was going over to Granny Myu’s for dinner. And to rant about you not texting.” He explained with a sheepish smile. “But now that you’re here, I’ll order in and text her the good news.”

“Oh… no that’s okay.” I smiled softly in return and ran my hand through his hair. “Don’t change your plans because I showed up unexpectedly. I just… wanted to see you. Now I have. I’ll head home.”

Boruto was quick to stop me. “Hold it right there, mister. If memory serves, it’s your turn to sleep over. And if my plans are that much of a problem then I’ll pop by her apartment, see if I can score food for the two of us, and be back soon. She’s really sweet and kind too so I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“I really don’t want to be a bother.” I muttered, wishing I wouldn’t have just dragged my ass over here without talking to him first. “I’ll stay though… but I’m not worried about food.”

“Come make yourself comfortable.” He insisted and pulled me further in. “I’m still going to go see her real quick because I’m hungry.”

“Okay.” I said, nodding. “I’ll be here.”

Boruto rushed out of his apartment, promising to be right back and I took my coat and shoes off before walking further in to the apartment. After all the emotions I’d felt today, I had a sudden urge to write. When the words hit me, it was always easy to come up with great lyrics. So, I made my way to Boruto’s room in hopes of finding a notebook. Remembering where he’d gotten the last one for me, I looked under his bed, noticing a few were under there. I grabbed one and pulled it out, a pencil was between the pages in the center. 

I opened it up, my curiosity getting the better of me at seeing his familiar, neat handwriting. My eyes took in the words on the first page I saw, brows furrowing as I read what I found to be a song I would have never thought could come out of his head. They were dark, deep, dreadful. The words were so emotional they made my chest ache. I read several, and they were all on the same level of hurt. I didn’t understand… was this some new way he was trying to go with the band? Were these old songs? I couldn’t be sure unless I asked him, but the more I read, the more concerned I became. I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up or not. The decision was made for me though when he walked in, catching me right in the act. 

“I brought some-” He cut himself off and froze, a plastic bag full of containers in his hand. “Eh . . . were you looking for something?”

This was a complete invasion of privacy and I knew it. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t trying to snoop. I felt like writing some lyrics, so I was just gonna grab a notebook to write and I found these…” I still had making up to do after how I’d been today, this was the last thing I needed to be doing. 

“I see.” Boruto said and set down the bag on the floor, taking a seat across from me. He held out his hands and I gave him the notebook, an expression I had never seen before crossing his features as he looked at it. “How long has it been . . . I was about twelve, almost thirteen when I wrote half of these. Pretty depressing stuff, huh?”

“Deep. Impressive. I can’t believe you were that young with talent like this. My lyrics were a joke back when I was that age.” I admitted, offering him a reassuring smile. 

“You don’t say.” He smiled back before taking a long breath. “Everyone goes through their own kind of darkness, I think. How dark depends on the person and what they experienced, how they experience things. I don’t know what your darkness is, Kawaki-kun, but I can understand on some level after dealing with my own. That’s why, for the most part at least, I get it. I get you.”

Even Boruto had experienced a dark time? Someone as sweet and adorable as him? “No wonder you’ve been so understanding…” I sighed and wrapped my arm around him, securing him against my chest. “You’re so strong… I would have never known.”

“I try.” He told me and returned the embrace, setting the book aside. “That’s the key to taking that first step, just trying. Never giving up is what got me this far. I can be extremely stubborn.”

“That’s the damn truth.” I mused, tugging him closer by pulling him onto my lap. “But I admire you so much for that. And I wish… no, I hope that someday I can be as strong as you.”

Boruto leaned back just enough to press a tender kiss to my lips. “I believe in you. And I’ll be here to cheer you on.”

“Thank you.” I kissed him again. “And um… if you want to talk about it… I’m here, okay? Anytime.”

“Okay.” He said and stared at me, blue eyes calm and steady. “We’ll be there for each other.”

I nodded and held him with both arms, hugging him tight while burying my face in his neck. “I never thought… that I would find somebody like you… to be here for me.”

His fingers combed through my hair soothingly. “It was fate, Kawaki-kun.”

Somehow… I believed him. I believed that was true. “Yeah… maybe.”

…

The week of finals passed by slowly and I was so glad when it was finally over. We would have a good break from school before starting back and since we didn’t have exams or anything else to worry about, I told Boruto I was ready to start practicing with the band again. It had just seemed like it was one thing after the next, so I’d never taken the time, even if I still had been practicing on my own. It did feel good getting back to it though and I was actually happy to see Shikadai and Metal. They were cool guys who didn’t annoy me and they played well. 

We had fun and I was doing better, keeping up with my medicine and not letting my past get to me. Though I hadn’t been able to touch Boruto again like I had that night when I made him come. I wanted to… I really wanted to, I wanted so much more with him. However, I feared the guilt that would come along with it, feared that it hadn’t been brought on by me skipping my medicine alone. That was a probability, but not a fact. I needed to give things time and do things the right way. Currently, I was visiting Hōki at least twice a week. The more I went to see him, the less anxious I felt and thankfully, Boruto never questioned me about it. 

The band and I enjoyed coming up with the music for the new songs we’d been writing. I still had the one I’d written for Boruto, but I’d already composed the music for it myself. I wanted it to be saved for last, so we focused on the songs Boruto wrote for everyone else. They were fun, amusing, and had us all laughing and practicing late some days. We were not looking forward to school starting back. We wanted to enjoy the holidays, which we did. Boruto and I exchanged gifts and spent the night together for Christmas and we brought in the new year together as well. 

Truth be told, I never wanted to be away from him. There was always the fear that something might happen to him. I wanted to be with him, to know that he was safe, to be able to protect him if I needed to… but I also knew that just being with him wasn’t enough. Things happened and it wasn’t always so easy to protect someone—no matter how much they meant to you. 

Spring would be upon us before we knew it. The weather was warming up at a steady rate and we were loving it. It was nice to shed all the extra layers and I wasn’t the only one who preferred the warmer weather. Boruto didn’t seem depressed about me not doing any touching beyond the norm, but I did feel bad about it and hoped I could try soon. I just wanted to give myself time, so when it happened again I wouldn’t have an episode like last time. I tried not to think about it too much though. 

We had settled into a routine, the two of us staying with each other every night, alternating between our apartments. I cooked and we lazed around, writing songs together and then we went to practice for a few hours. Afterwards, we’d go home and eat dinner before cuddling on the couch or the bed and then we’d sleep. I’d failed to realize that as long as I had Boruto with me, I didn’t have any nightmares. He truly was a blessing. 

One day when we were wrapping up practice, Boruto got a phone call that had his face twisting immediately. Shikadai and Metal had already left for the day and I was just putting my guitar in its case, my eyes glancing briefly to Boruto as he studied the number calling him. I looked back down as I snapped my case shut, wondering who it could be. 

“Somebody you’re avoiding?” I asked curiously. 

“I’m not sure.” He said as the phone continued to ring. “I don’t know who it is and they’ve been calling me for a while now . . . since before we started dating.”

“And you haven’t answered?” I quirked a brow and stood straight as I looked back at him. “Want me to answer it?”

He hummed, unsure before making a decision. “Maybe I could put it on speaker?”

“Mm.” I nodded once. “Go ahead, find out who it is and what they want.”

Boruto answered the call before it was too late. “Hello?”

_ “Uzumaki.” _

His eyes widened and he nearly dropped the phone. “Hisoka . . .” He spoke in a breathy whisper.

_ “Ah, so you haven’t forgotten about me. Good. Good . . . I haven’t forgotten about you either.” _

“How the hell did you get this number?” He asked angrily, scowling at the phone.

The man on the other end hummed, dragging it out.  _ “You know . . . everything has a price, Uzumaki. Including you.” _

“I can’t believe you’re still on about that. It’s been years and I’ve turned you down countless times, you could never give me anything I don’t already have. And I don’t want anything from you either.” He ground out. “Let. It. Go.”

The man laughed, brushing Boruto off.  _ “From the moment I laid eyes on you, you were mine. The fact that you’re even richer than I am is an added bonus. Come on now, Uzumaki. Aren’t you tired of being alone?” _

“That’s none of your damn business, Hisoka. I’m not going through this with you, not again. If you keep harassing me then-”

_ “Then what?” _ He cut Boruto off.  _ “You’ll call the police? You’ll file a restraining order? Be smart now, princess. You know my family. You know the influence I have over the lower classes. You can’t keep hiding forever, so come back to high society where you belong. With me.” _

This call was unexpected to say the least and I was listening in a state of shock, wonder and annoyance. I didn’t know what to think or feel, but I was pissed. Who the hell was this guy talking to my chunky monkey like he had any right? My fists clenched as I tried to rein in my temper, but I wasn’t going to take this. I couldn’t just stand idly by while he threatened Boruto. He belonged to me, not anyone else. 

“Oh boy.” I sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of my nose, an unamused laugh escaping me. “I can see that I’m going to end up kicking this guy’s ass.”

_ “Who is that? Who are you with, Uzumaki?” _

Boruto glanced up at me and then back down to the phone, thumb hovering above ‘end call’.

“I’m his goddamn boyfriend. The one who will put you in your place. Fucking prick.” I was ready to meet him right that instant. He called Boruto  _ Princess.  _ That was his ass. 

_ “Hm. We’ll see about that.” _ The other man said, voice even.  _ “Tell me, peasant. What’s your name?” _

Boruto did end the call then, not giving me a chance to reply. I was livid. It had been a long time since I’d wanted to get my hands on somebody. 

“Who the fuck is he? I’m gonna beat the shit out of him.” I snapped.

“He’d never let you get close enough and would probably have guys protecting him.” Boruto said and flopped down on the couch, holding his face in his hands. “I had a bad feeling about that number and I was right . . . I’m sorry, Kawaki-kun . . . I didn’t think he would ever find me here.”

It really pissed me off that he doubted me off the bat and he dodged my question. I was a breath away from going on a rampage. “You didn’t answer me.” I ground out, wanting an explanation. 

The blond visibly tensed, refusing to meet my gaze. “Hisoka . . . an old classmate.”

“Who thinks he has some sick fucking claim on you? He called you  _ princess…  _ what the fuck? Just some random classmate isn’t gonna be speaking to you in such a way.” My blood was boiling. I couldn’t believe this shit. 

Boruto rubbed his forehead. “I . . . he . . . it’s a long story.”

“Ha!” I snorted and plopped down on the couch next to him. “I’ve got nothing but time.”

He continued to look at the floor, taking a deep breath as he pressed his hands together. “I loved music since I was really young and my parents supported it. They enrolled me in the best music schools out there, elementary and then onto middle school . . . Hisoka ended up going to the same ones. He was obbsessed and stuck up and stupid and . . . and he thinks money solves everything. I didn’t want to give him the time of day, but . . .”

I crossed my arms over my chest and my leg started bouncing as I listened on, biting my lip when he paused. “But?” I pressed, needing to know the whole story and then beat the shit out of him. 

“He was persistent and kept trying to give me things to impress me.” He continued. “He told everyone that we were a thing and the other kids believed him because they were stupid too. It’s all the same with most rich kids, the only thing that matters is image and status. Hisoka only wants me because he thinks I’ll make him look good, that’s it . . . and he'll stop at nothing. No matter what I did, he wouldn’t leave me alone and he’ll do everything in his power to have his way . . . he’s horrible.”

“Oh he will fucking stop when I get my hands on him. That’s a promise.” I spat, unable to remember a time I was so worked up. It wasn’t normal for anyone to try me like this...

Boruto stood, running a hand through his hair in frustration. I had never seen him so unsettled, unable to keep still. “He’s not the fighting type, he plays dirty. I ran away hoping that he would finally give up, but that bastard just . . . I can’t let him find out who you are, I can’t let him hurt you.”

“Hurt  _ me _ ?” I scoffed. “You think I’m scared of that bitch?” I was only getting more worked up by the second. 

“No.” Boruto smiled sadly. “But I am. I’ve seen how he works and I don’t want that to happen here, not to you.”

The look on his face calmed me a fraction. Even still, I wasn’t about to take this lying down. “I can take care of myself, Boruto. And I can take care of you too. I don’t want you out of my sight.”

He shook his head. “If he finds out who you are, he’ll take everything. Hisoka will spin a web of lies all over town and pay people off to play along . . . or if he gets serious he might . . . no, I won't let him. I’ll think of something . . . I’ll . . .”

“Listen to me.” I stood up and grabbed him by his arms. “Stop thinking that he’s anything to worry about. There’s nothing he can do to me… unless… if he tried to hurt you or… or take you away. But I’m not going to let that happen. I won’t ever lose anyone precious to me again. So just shut up.”

Boruto blinked at me before taking in a shaky breath, nodding and I pulled him into a hug. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to get so upset…” I said with a deep sigh. 

“It’s alright. I know you’re not upset with me.” Boruto replied, holding onto my shirt. “At least I think you’re not.”

“I’m not…” I promised, bringing my hands up to his face and stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. “It’s not your fault… but I’m not about to take any shit from a bitch like him. Not when it comes to my chunky monkey.”

He smiled, bright like it should always be. “I can’t argue with that.”

I dipped down and kissing him softly, managing a small smile of my own. “Move in with me.”

“E-eh?” He squeaked. “Like temporarily?”

“More like… for good.” I said, smiling wider at his reaction. 

Boruto looked at a loss for words before he grinned, laughing happily. “I’ll do it, you crazy man. I'll move in with you.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that fell from my lips as well but I ignored it, kissing him again to seal the deal. “Support us like your life depends on it.” I whispered against him lips, holding him a little tighter and knowing I’d never be able to let him go. 

“I will.” He whispered back and held me just as tight. 

It was settled just like that and that very day, Boruto and I started packing up things in his apartment. It was a little crazy to be moving in together so soon and the circumstances sucked, but we were both happy with our decision. The more stuff that we brought to my place, the more home-like it seemed. Things were more complete with Boruto around. He meant so much to me and I had no intention of letting him go. I’d been doing so well moving forward in our relationship and I knew I could keep doing better. I felt as if Hōki was rooting for us… maybe he was the one who’d sent Boruto to me, to save me from the darkness that had been consuming me. 

In just a few days, we had all of Boruto’s things moved in and we were getting used to being in a single place together. He’d promised Granny Myu to come visit on occasion and she was sad to see him move—but Boruto and I both wanted to be together and I needed him by my side. I needed him to be safe, I needed to know he was safe… for my own sanity. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight—** **_Boruto_ **

Ever since the call in the practice room, I hadn’t heard from Hisoka. That only made me worry more and more because I knew he had to be plotting something. I tried not to worry about it, but the guy was a psycho and had scared me even as a kid. My mother left the upper class when she met my father. She threw away everything for the man she loved and most of her family resentered her for it. The head of the family, however, my great grandmother, respected her for it and had always had a soft spot for my mom. When she died, she left most of the Hyuga family fortune to my mom in her will and shocked the entire family.

The other Hyuga’s had their own personal accents to keep up their life style and the small amount my grandmother left them, but it didn't hold a candle to my mom’s inherited fortune. My uncle especially had never gotten over it. Even still, my parents never bought a huge house or fancy cars or anything like that. They only got what they needed and occasionally what they wanted. The only time they went all out was when it came to me and my younger sister’s education and passions. We weren’t spoiled per say, not getting things unless we truly earned them, but there were times they went that extra mile.

We were raised in a different environment than my mom and even my dad, a perfect mix of the two with love and financial security. The private schools for the musically gifted was the only place I ran into other kids from wealth. They knew of my family, it seemed everyone did, and I was welcomed with the goals of getting into my good graces. I learned quickly what being fake and insincere meant. Hisoka just made everything worse and in the second year of middle school, after the fire had happened, I couldn’t take it. I started high school in a new town far away from him and the rest of high society, my living relatives not caring in the least after I made it clear they weren’t getting a cent out of me. 

High school came with real friends, Shikadai and Metal. I put a band together and put my past behind me, thought it was never forgotten. College led to Kawaki-kun and I was reaching a level of happiness I didn’t know I could reach. Then Hisoka butted his nose in with his narrow mindedness and selfishness. I couldn’t believe it and I didn’t want him anywhere near Kawaki-kun, I suspected he was even more sick than he was when we were teenagers. I didn’t know how much he knew, but I would do everything I could to prevent him from ruining Kawaki-kun’s future. There would be no schemes. There would be no sabotaging. I would protect my boyfriend.

The whole situation made Kawaki-kun ask me to move in with him and I understood why. It was just crazy and funny to me how he jumped right in head first, demanding that very day of the phone call that I live with him. He really surprised me sometimes. Life with him was actually the same as before excluding small changes here and there. It was great, I got to spend more time with him and I got to wake up every morning with strong arms around my waist. He would be half asleep in the mornings and I would pass out quickly at night, we were quite the pair. I found that with him there I didn’t need the sound of people arguing to remind me that I wasn’t alone.

The only big thing that I noticed was the medication, he made sure to take it every day. Kawaki-kun told me they were anti-depressants when he caught me watching him take them one time. I made sure not to stare at him again when he took them, not wanting to make him feel self conscious, but I didn’t leave the room or anything like that. I had finally stopped keeping my bass at the practice room and took it home instead. We pushed back our first performance and decided to finish our album, debuting with that and letting it be our introduction to the world. I worked on Kawaki-kun’s song and kept changing my mind, wanting it to be perfect. I learned more about him everyday and my feelings grew, it gave me more and more to keep adding to the song. 

I was putting the book with the work I had done so far under the bed when he came into the bedroom. He raised a brow, lips tugging at the corners. “Old habits die hard?”

“I like keeping things there.” I said from the floor, no shame whatsoever.

“I suppose it’s a nice spot.” He shrugged and walked over, ruffling my hair as he rolled onto the bed and stretched out. 

I smiled and crossed my arms on the mattress, resting my head on top of them. “I swear, you’re just like a cat.”

“Why a cat?” He asked, brows furrowed and eyes closed. 

“The way you move, some of your habits and characteristics. Hell, even the way you sleep.” I listed, keeping it short. “All curled up like a little fluff ball. It’s cute.”

“Yeah? Then you should be up here enjoying it.” He smiled, eyes still closed as he patted his chest. 

I giggled and hopped to it. “Coming oh fluffy one.” I got on the bed and laid down beside him, head resting on his chest right above his heart.

“Chunky monkey.” He mumbled, arms wrapping around me. Then he kissed the top of my head and yawned. Definitely like a cat.

“You know it.” I said and closed my eyes as well. A nap wouldn’t hurt and I certainly couldn’t let him sleep alone.

When we woke up later that afternoon, Kawaki-kun started dinner and I settled in the living room with my bass. Eating his cooking everyday was making me feel spoiled and I would probably never learn how to cook. I could hear him singing softly in the kitchen and it made me smile, nothing could ruin this day. I had one of my notebooks in front of me as I worked on some more music, fingers beginning to strum the strings. I played around with the song until I found a melody I liked and began humming the lyrics. My eyes closed as I focused, wanting to get it just right this time. I reached the last chorus and stopped in the middle of it, changing my mind once again. I wanted the last part to be a little different than the previous ones. When I opened my eyes to gather my thoughts I jumped, Kawaki-kun standing in front of me.

“Geez, don’t do that.” Now I knew how he felt.

“Do it again.” He said simply. 

“Do what again?” I asked, confused and curious.

“Let me hear your voice.”

I blinked at him before I realized I had been humming before. “The song . . . it’s not finished yet.” I said, a small and shy smile on my lips.

“I’d still like to hear it.” Kawaki-kun said with a soft, fond look in his eyes. 

“Okay.”

It was a good day and my voice was cooperating so I gave it another go. My fingers began plucking the strings again and I started the song over, humming the words. It was a song that reflected the content I felt these days and how glad I was to be with someone who cared for me. There wasn’t any overly complex meaning or fancy word plays, it was just a smooth and upbeat song that left you relaxed. That let you just . . . be. I stopped when I got to the same part as before and looked back up at my audience.

“That’s all I have so far. What do you think?”

“I love it.” He said, kneeling down and kissing me abruptly. “It sounds so beautiful, especially coming from you.”

I smiled, feeling giddy. “Thank you.”

“Really made my day.” He beamed and then laid his forehead against mine.

I could relate, his voice always made me happy as well. “Good. I love seeing you smile.”

“I can tell since you’re always making me.” He chuckled and kissed me again before standing back up. “Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Can’t wait.” I said and let him get back to it.

That night I was met with lingering kisses and a firm grip on my hair, but it didn’t go any further than a heated make out session. Nothing had happened since that night of our first date and I didn’t know why. I never asked either, part of me understanding him wanting to take it slow and the other part unsure if I wanted to find out the reason. I had pieced together some things from the small bits information I knew, but I couldn’t know for certain until Kawaki-kun was ready to tell me. I would wait as long as he needed me to, but the idea of never being intimate again made me hold onto him that much tighter when we went to sleep. Was it selfish to want him?

He left at least twice a week too and I wondered if he was working on it, confronting his darkness. He wasn’t the kind of person that would cheat and I would never accuse him of it. There wasn’t a reason for me to worry, I trusted him. He was honest and straightforward and I knew that fact from the very beginning. Shikadai and Metal were really supportive of our relationship and always teased me about it when Kawaki-kun wasn’t in the room. It meant a lot to me, but sometimes I wanted to smack them. The album was progressing nicely and I kept working on Kawaki-kun’s song. 

School was running smoothly for me and I had stopped by to check on Granny Myu, bringing her groceries. For a short time I was able to forget about the shadow that was looming over me, but it made itself known. I was laying on the bed doing homework when my phone rang and like the idiot I was, I answered without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

_ “Did you miss me, princess?” _

I dropped my pencil and shot straight up. “What do you want?”

_ “You, of course. Make things easy and come to me willingly, Uzumaki. No one gets hurt that way.” _

I didn’t want to encourage him, but I didn’t want to let my fear get the better of me either. “Never. You’ve never had me and you never will, your threats won’t work on me.”

_ “Are you sure?” _ He asked and my stomach turned at his smug tone.  _ “I stopped by your apartment, but you weren’t there. I had no other choice but to ask around . . . make some friends. That Myu woman seems to be quite fond of you.” _

My blood went cold and I got off the bed to get Kawaki-kun, but my legs gave out before I could make it to the closed door.

_ “She went on and on about how kind you were . . . how passionate you were about music . . . and how happy you were with, oh what was his name . . . Kawaki, I believe?” _

_ No. _

_ “Tell me, Uzumaki. Just how important are these peasants to you? How long do you think until something . . . unfortunate happens?” _

I tried to stand up, but it was useless. He was nothing like he used to be, he was a monster. “K-Kawaki-kun!”

_ “Hm. So you’re with him. I don’t know what you can possibly see in someone like that.” _

Kawaki-kun stepped in the bedroom, frowning immediately when his eyes landed on me and they quickly darted to the phone in my hand. He marched right over and snatched the phone out of my hand but secured an arm around me, embracing me reassuringly. 

“If it isn’t the bitch… still itching for that ass kicking?” He chuckled darkly. 

I was close enough to hear what Hisoka was saying, even though I really didn’t want to.

_ “You truly are a heathen, aren’t you? I took the liberty of investigating, but you are quite dull. Perhaps a little green your way could change that. Uzumaki is no doubt holding out. Name your price.” _

“I’ve actually never been into green. I much prefer blonde and blue. I’ve got all I need right here, shithead. You’ll never lay a hand on him. You won’t even see him without me around. So back the fuck off.”

_ “You have some nerve, trying to take what’s mine. Let’s put you to the test then since you’re so confident. Meet me at this address, I’ll text it. I’m sure you won’t be able to say no once you see what I can offer you . . . and what I could do if you refuse.” _

“Don’t.” I said, holding on to Kawaki-kun tightly.

“Gladly.” Kawaki-kun agreed despite my protests. 

_ “Excellent. Tonight then at seven. Don’t be late.” _ Hisoka said before hanging up.

Kawaki-kun tossed my phone on the bed before settling his eyes on mine. “I’m going to set his ass straight. Tonight. At seven.”

“No.” I shook my head. “You can’t trust what he says, he knows who you are now and I don’t doubt he knows where you live. Where  _ we _ live. He could have anything planned. It’s too dangerous, I’m not letting you go.”

“The only one you should be worried about is him. No matter what he plans or how many idiots he’s paying, I will handle it.” He told me with all the confidence in the world. 

I didn’t know how he did it, how he was so sure. I wanted to believe in him, but if he got hurt or worse . . . if I lost him . . . I didn’t know if I would be able to get back up again. “Please don’t go. Please.  _ Please _ , don’t leave.”

“Calm down, Boruto.” He sighed and hugged me with both arms. “I have to show him who he’s fucking with—and that money can’t always protect him. I’ll take you with me and you’ll be able to watch me show his ass.”

“You . . . you’re not going to make me stay behind?” I asked, both relieved and delighted by this turn of events. 

“As if I’d leave you alone at a time he knows where I’d be.” He huffed and rubbed his nose against mine. “I want you by my side. In my sight.”

“Same here.” I said and hugged him, keeping him as close as possible. “Together, we stay together.”

“Yes. Always.” Kawaki-kun promised before giving me a chaste kiss. “Don’t worry about a thing.”

Waiting for six to come was pure touture and I didn’t recognize the address Hisoka sent to my phone. We took the bus there and I held on to Kawaki-kun’s hand the whole time. I didn’t let go, even when we entered some fancy casino and were led upstairs to a private area. I was nervous and scared, but I wasn’t going to run away. I would refuse to leave Kawaki-kun’s side no matter what. We were taken to a large room with hired hands inside, but I wasn’t impressed by that or any of the priceless items Hisoka surrounded himself with as he sat in a chair that mirrored a throne. Seeing him made me sick. His eyebrow twitched when he saw me, but he smiled anyway. 

“Company, how delightful.” He mused. “How I’ve waited for this day to be with you again, Uzumaki. I’m glad you came along.”

“Bite me.” I hissed and stood closer to Kawaki-kun.

He held me impossibly close, glaring coldly at Hisoka, but he’d already mapped out the entire room. “Make no mistake, shithead. He’s with me.” Kawaki-kun said lowly and started walking us towards him. 

Hisoka snapped his fingers and the men in the room pulled out guns. “Ah, ah, ah. That’s close enough.”

“Such a scared little bitch. And you think Boruto wants a boy like that in his life?” Kawaki-kun snorted before laughing obnoxiously. 

“Really.” Hisoka turned up his nose. “I’ll get to you in a moment, I’m talking to Uzumaki right now.”

I swallowed and told myself to be brave. “He’s bluffing, Kawaki-kun. He wouldn’t dare have them shoot at you when they might shoot me by mistake. And I’m feeling very jittery, who knows how I’ll jump around.”

Kawaki-kun stiffened and his arm tightened around me even more. He hesitated for a moment before breathing in deeply. “You’re right. And what’s worse… he won’t be a man about this.”

Hisoka stood up. “Again with this nonsense, this insolence. A man you say? What better man is there for a princess than a prince? You, heathen, are no such thing.” 

“But a true prince can protect what’s his with his bare hands. He’s an army all on his own. I’m more than ready to defend what’s mine. Unless you’re ready to fight me man to man, Boruto will never want anything to do with you.”

“And what do you know of Uzumaki?” Hisoka questioned and crossed his arms. “I’ve known him twice as long as you and can have him at my feet if I wanted to. Shall I demonstrate?”

What the hell was he talking about?

“No. You can fight me or shut the fuck up.” Kawaki-kun growled. 

“Hm. I think I will.” Hisoka hummed. “It’s time to break that smug attitude of yours. Bring it in.” He ordered and clapped his hands. I watched in horror as a sizable portrait of my family was brought in. My parents in the back, Himawari and I in the front.

“Where did you get that, you bastard?!” I yelled, demanded.

“Hey, don’t let him get to you. Keep a level head.” Kawaki-kun whispered to me, his hands rubbing my back soothingly. 

Hisoka grinned wickedly. “Let’s have a history lesson. Pay attention peasant, this will be good.” He said and held something in his hand up to the portrait. “I’ll reenact a memorable night indeed. Fire strikes without warning, doesn’t it Uzumaki?” He asked and quickly swept his thumb across the object-a lighter, and set the portrait on fire.

Their faces stared back at me as the flames spread, helpless . . . suffering. “I hate you.” I whispered.

Kawaki-kun moved, taking my face in both his hands and forcing me to look at him. “Don’t even look. Keep your eyes on me.” He said and then kissed me hard, not giving a damn where we were or what was happening. He lingered, kissing me deeply, over and over until he was satisfied. 

“You-! Stop that at once!” Hisoka shouted. “I demand you let him go! Why I never—do something!” He ordered the men around him. “Don’t just stand there, get him away from Uzumaki! Now!”

“Hang tight, baby.” Kawaki-kun said, smiling softly before he kissed me again, swiftly. Then he pulled me in front of him, holding me flush against his body with his left arm as some of the men came towards us.

To me, everything happened in a blur. One after the other, Kawaki-kun easily fought the men off and it never took him more than a single hit. An elbow to the nose, a punch to the jaw and before I knew it, every other man in the room was unconscious on the floor aside from Hisoka. Kawaki-kun hadn’t even broken a sweat and Hisoka was left gawking in shock as Kawaki-kun turned me back to face him and kissed me again. 

“This will only take another second.” He mused and released me, bending down by one of the men and grabbing the gun on the ground next to him. He checked and released the safety before putting it in my hands. “Just in case.” He winked at me and then turned his full attention to Hisoka. 

I was just as shocked and dumbstruck . . . not to mention thoroughly kissed.

“Keep your distance!” Hisoka yelled. “My family will hear of this. You won’t be able to kiss anyone from a prison cell!”

“You should have been the one keeping your distance . And yes, they will indeed be hearing of this. I’ve notified the authorities, they’re on their way as we speak actually.” Kawaki-kun said as he slowly walked towards Hisoka. “They’ve been on call this entire time, right here.” He explained as he patted his pocket. 

Hisoka went pale. “You’re bluffing. You didn’t think that far ahead! And there isn’t a cop in this town I can’t buy.”

“Oh, did you forget… you’re not the only rich boy in the room.” Kawaki-kun mused, closing the distance between them easily considering Hisoka was stricken with fear and disbelief, unable to move. “Apologize to my chunky monkey.” 

“Kawaki-kun!” I blushed, eyes widening. Did he really have to say that? I couldn’t believe he just said that.

Hisoka bristled. “E-Excuse me?”

“You heard me, bitch. Tell him you’re sorry. Grovel on the floor for his forgiveness.”

“As if I would lower myself and-”

Kawaki-kun grabbed him roughly by the back of his neck and forced him down on his knees. Then he dragged him over to me and released him to stomp his foot on his back, forcing him down further. “Sorry, what was that?”

I had never seen Kawaki-kun like this, I was honored it was for my sake.

“Ruthless heathen, you’ll pay for this.” Hisoka went on, not knowing when to quit. He never did. 

“We’re talking about you right now. You’ve got something to say, so say it.” Kawaki-kun ordered, putting even more pressure on Hisoka with his foot. 

“Ow, ow! Alright!” Hisoka relented. “I apologize and beg for your forgiveness, Uzumaki.”

Hearing him say that was just as unsettling as anything else that left his mouth. “Well I don’t accept it.” I never would after everything that bastard had done, especially with that portrait . . .

“Shit you can’t even apologize right. Shame.” Kawaki-kun huffed. He removed his foot and leaned down grab him by his hair then he roughly snatched Hisoka up. “Don’t you want to knock him the fuck out?” Kawaki-kun asked me carefully, he could see the hate I had for this man. 

“As a matter of fact . . .” I trailed and cracked my knuckles. “This is going to hurt, you might want to close your mouth so you don't bite your tongue.” Not that I gave a fuck. 

“Wait a second, Uzumaki. Think about-” I was so tired of hearing his voice and shut him up, punching him right across the jaw as hard as I could.

When he went limp, Kawaki-kun yanked his head back to examine him and dropped him without a bit of care once he found he was unconscious. He then wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground as he kissed me. “That was so fucking hot.”

I smiled, holding onto his shoulders. “What? Didn’t know I had a little badass in m- . . . Kawaki-kun . . . are the police still on the phone?”

“Nah. I got off after getting enough evidence. But they should be here any second.” He laughed and kissed me again before setting me back in my feet slowly. Thank goodness, I didn’t want to broadcast all our sappiness to the whole force.

“Would it be alright if we left now?” I asked, unable to stop my eyes from glancing over to the still burning portrait.

“I told you, eyes on me.” He huffed, moving his hand my face and turning it back towards him. “We can wait outside.”

I nodded, ready to get out of there as soon as possible. We had to give our statements to the cops, but after that we were free to go. I was once again holding fast to Kawaki-kun’s hand on the way back home and tried not to think about the memories that stirred inside of me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t think about it and come back to myself, it was that I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want Kawaki-kun to see how weak I could truly be. Once we were back, we changed into our pajamas to turn in and get some much needed sleep. I went to the bathroom while he got in the bed and leaned against the sink. I took in a shaky breath and looked in the mirror.

_ It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my fault, it- _

A sob escaped me and I covered my mouth with my hand, closing my eyes tightly. That heartless bastard. He knew what had happened and yet he still . . . I had never met someone so cruel. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the sink and cried, hot tears streaming down my face. I was lucky to be alive, I had to remember that. There was nothing I could have done. I couldn’t resent myself, I couldn’t hate myself. The fire had been an accident. I tried my best to save them and they wouldn’t want me to beat myself up. I knew all of that and I had moved past it, but it still hurt like hell. In a single night I had lost everything. I lost a family that would never come back and I missed them, I missed them more than anything. 

I could never forget the smell of burnt flesh or the sound of screaming. I could never forgive myself for letting go. I couldn’t go back in time, no matter how desperately I wanted to. I wanted to take it back, I wanted to do better. I was so, so sorry. I failed them. 

“Boruto?” Kawaki-kun called, knocking twice on the door before opening it. He peeked inside and peered at my face through the mirror, his own mirroring my devastation. “Are you alright, what happened?” He asked, walking over to me and taking me in his arms. 

“D-don’t.” I choked, shaking uncontrollably. “Don’t touch me. I’m disgusting. I’m an abomination. I-I’m, I’m a murderer!”

“Boruto… hush. Calm down. What are you talking about?” Kawaki-kun asked worriedly, holding me so tightly I didn’t have a chance to escape. 

“Gone, all gone . . . it’s all my fault. I let them die!” I cried. “She begged me, she begged me to save her and I let her die! I let my little sister burn!”

“Hey, hey… calm down. It’s okay… whatever happened… it was an accident. Don’t beat yourself up like this.”

I shook my head, fists balling up against his chest. “S-should have done better . . . I should have . . . I could have saved her, but I . . . and mom and d-dad . . .”

Kawaki-kun was silent for a few seconds before he scooped me up into his arms and carried me out of the bathroom, taking me to bed. He got in with me and held me close, fingers combing through my hair. “Just breathe baby and calm down so we can talk about it. We need to discuss things when we can make sense of them and be rational.”

I forced myself to take deep breaths and focus on Kawaki-kun. “I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry.” I hated that he had to see me like this.

“Stop apologizing… you have nothing to be sorry for. Just settle down, okay?” He sighed and rubbed my back in gentle, long strokes. 

I took my time and stopped talking to pull myself together. I hadn’t fallen apart like that in a long time. Part of me was trying to hold on to the grief, insisting that Kawaki-kun was only saying these things, was only here because he didn’t know the truth. He didn’t know what I had done. I told that part of me to go fuck itself. The minutes passed and I was able to bring myself back, calming down and wiping my tears away. I was embarrassed and ashamed . . . but if I didn’t show this side of me to Kawaki-kun, then who else?

“I’m . . . I’m okay now.” I said quietly.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” He asked just as quietly, carefully. 

_ No _ , a voice sounded in my head, but I didn’t listen to it. “Yeah . . . it’s time you knew.”

“Alright. I’m listening.”

I took a deep breath, steadying myself before I began. “There was nothing special about that night, it was the same as always . . .”

“Bor-u-toooo!” My little sister whined. “Wait for me!”

“Come on, Hima! You can do it!” I encouraged at the end of the hallway, watching her run towards me in her pajamas.

“Come back here, my little tinker bell.” Dad said as he rounded the corner, hot on her heels.

“Oh noooo!” Himawari squealed. “Boruto, save me! Daddys gonna get me!”

I rushed over to her and quickly picked her up, carrying her away as fast as I could. “We’ve got this! We’ll make it for sure!”

Dad laughed, slowing down a little. “Not so fast. It’s time for my secret weapon. Summoning jutsu!”

Mom slid out of the bathroom at the last second, blocking our escape. “It ends here. To bed with the both of you.”

“Oh no! She’s got us!” Himawari said as I looked between mom and dad. It was a sticky situation for sure. 

“It’s not over yet. We can still win and stay up late, Hima.” I said, mindful of our approaching parents.

“But how, Boruto?” She questioned, looking up at me in confusion.

“I don’t think you can get out of this one, dear.” Mom smiled and made grabby hands at us.

“I’d like to see you try, son. Show me those Uzumaki guts!” Dad said, not wanting me to give up.

I told Himawari to hold on tight before I made my move. “Teleportation jutsu!” I exclaimed and then opened the closet door to my left, closing it behind us as fast as I could. I put Himwari down and we hid behind the clothes in there.

Dad started laughing and talked to mom. “Well what do you know, my own skills betray me. Looks like we lose after all, Hinata.”

“You taught him the teleportation jutsu?” Mom asked, playing along. “Now we’ll never get them to bed, Naruto. Honestly.”

Himawari and I giggled quietly. I knew dad could catch me if he really wanted to, he was the master of all the jutsus, but he usually took it easy on me. Mom however, didn’t pull any punches.

“It’s such a shame.” She sighed from the hallway. “I was just about to ask what they wanted for breakfast in the morning.”

I resisted sweet temptation, there was nothing better than mom’s waffles, but Himawari wasn’t as strong. She opened the door and dashed back out.

“Returning jutsuuu! I want waffles, mommy!” She said and was quickly captured by the enemy.

I shook my head and came out as well since our cover was blown. Dad picked me up and we were both put to bed in our own rooms, but at least we would get waffles in the morning. I was tucked in and kissed goodnight by both of them before they headed to bed as well. Sleep came easily to me and I was out in a matter of seconds. However the next time I opened my eyes, it wasn’t to the sun peeking in through my blinds. There was smoke in my room and I sat up coughing. My eyes burned and I got out of bed, going up to my door. The first thing that hit me was the heat. I could feel it coming from the other side, but I opened it anyway. 

Flames were everywhere and I couldn’t even see down the hall where the stairs were. I called out for mom and dad as I went towards their room. The door was open and I could see them over the fire. I called out to them again, scared, needing to know what to do. No matter how loud I yelled, they didn’t move and the smell was overwhelming. I dropped to my knees as I started to cry and didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. I just saw them, we just said goodnight. I called out again, pleading. They couldn’t leave us. They couldn’t  _ die _ .

“Boruto!”

My head turned towards Himawari’s room and I forced myself to stand. I walked along the wall to avoid the flames and pushed open her door, finding her in the corner as her curtains and stuffed animals burned. 

“Hima.” I breathed. “Come on. Come to me! It’s okay, I’ll protect you!”

“I can’t.” She cried, wrapping her arms around herself. “B-boruto, I’m scared.”

I went in after her and held out my hands. “Don’t be scared, I’m here. Come to me, please Hima.”

She scooted along just enough so I could grab her and I quickly carried her out of the room. She held tight to me as we went down the hall, but I couldn’t go down the stairs. 

“W-where’s mom an-”

I put my hand on her head, stopping her from looking into their room. “Just . . . just focus on breathing, okay? I’ll get us out.”

I went back into my room and closed the door. I opened my window and started yelling for help, fear running through me as I looked down and saw fire coming out from the first floor. It was getting higher, it was getting hotter. Himawari held onto my pant leg and cried as I continued to shout. There was no way we could jump, it was a straight shot down. The fire was too big, the flames were too high, they would burn us if we tried. My heart stopped when I heard the sirens and I shakily sat down to pull Himawari into my arms. 

“It’s okay. Help is coming, they’re on their way.” I told her and she nodded her head.

There was loud cracking and my door burst open as the fire spread. Himawari screamed and I covered her with my body. It was getting closer, too close. The cracking continued and I had never heard anything like it. It scared me even more and I stood up for a second to look out the window again. Where were they? They needed to hurry. Everything that happened next went by so quickly and I hadn’t been able to react fast enough. It seemed like everything snapped at once and suddenly the floor split open to reveal a sea of fire. Himawari screamed as she slid downward and I grabbed her arm, holding onto the window with my other hand. The sound of the flames grew louder and she stared up at me with wide and terrified eyes. 

She was crying harder now and begged me to help her, to save her. I tried to pull her up, but there was so much smoke and the heat was unbearable. I tried and tried and  _ tried _ but I wasn’t strong enough. We were covered in sweat and my arms were shaking. Why was no one helping us, why weren’t they here? Why couldn’t they help me save my sister? Himawari called my name and kept begging me to pull her up, it hurt. My body was growing weak and I couldn’t feel my arms. I forced myself to pull again, I had to save her. It only took a second for my grip to slip and Himawari to fall down into the flames. I watched in shock and horror as her shrill screams pierced my ears, as she suffered and burned because  _ I dropped her. _

“HIMAWARI!”

“ . . . I was pulled out of the window right after that by the fireman.” I told Kawaki-kun. “My sister didn’t make it.”

His hand fisted at the back of my shirt and he breathed heavily, shakily. “That wasn’t your fault, Boruto. You did everything you could do… you tried to save her.”

I swallowed, closing my eyes as more tears fell. “Yeah . . . it took everything in me to move on . . . to prove to myself that I wasn’t worthless. But sometimes it gets to me . . . like tonight. And I have to remind myself, that it wasn’t my fault. That I didn’t start that fire.”

“You’re the strongest person I know.” Kawaki-kun whispered. “And I understand… I get it. I feel that same way every day. But I hate it. I hate that you had to experience something like that. Please remember how desperately you tried to save her. Don’t ever blame yourself.”

I nodded my head and then shook it. “I-” I broke off, trying not to start sobbing again. “I can do all that. I can move on. I  _ have _ moved on, b-but it . . . I can’t . . . I can’t forgive myself, Kawaki-kun.”

“I understand that too.” He told me, voice still barely a whisper. “It’s like… it doesn’t matter knowing that you can’t change it or that it wasn’t your fault… that self-loathing is still there because they’re not here anymore—but you are. It’s the same for me. Every day.”

I stared at him and raised my hand to stroke his cheek. So we ended up having the same kind of darkness. “It hurts because you remember . . . and you can never forget.” I said and didn’t care anymore if the tears fell.

“Never.” He agreed shakily, tears slipping past his eyes as well. “But I… I don’t even want to forget. I just… I do want to forgive myself some day. I hope for that. And I hope the same for you.”

“Maybe. Just maybe, Kawaki-kun.” I whispered and rested my forehead against his. “Maybe we can find forgiveness together.” 

That was something that I would at least try . . . now that I had someone with me. After all, trying was the first step right? And then . . . I had to use my Uzumaki guts and never give up.

“We will. We’ll do it. Together.” He told me softly and then pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. 

“Together.” I repeated and smiled despite everything. I smiled for him.

We fell asleep in each other’s arms and woke up in the same position. I felt different after sharing my past with someone who was so important to me. I didn’t exactly know what had changed, I just knew that it had. Perhaps it was me, or it was Kawaki-kun, or . . . probably both. 

Kawaki-kun had seen me broken down, but it had been nowhere near my worst. Time had helped me cope. Letting it out to someone other than a therapist enlightened me and I was finally able to uncover a secret that I had hidden from myself. Kawaki-kun’s words and feelings reached me in a way no one else’s ever had. Because of him, I was finally able to find the key. The reason I couldn’t truly free myself, that I had locked my voice away, was because I haven't forgiven myself for Himawari’s death. I cut myself off from something that was precious to me because I thought I didn’t desvere it.

Forgiveness, that was my key. However, using it was another matter entirely. If the day ever came, if Kawaki-kun’s wish ever came true, I swore to myself that he would be the first. He would be the first to hear me sing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine—** **_Kawaki_ **

Learning about Boruto’s past—his darkness—really put things into perspective for me. Time did help heal even the deepest of wounds, but losing a loved one was something unforgettable. Watching it happen when you should have been able to prevent it, it was unforgivable. At least until you were able to find peace with it. To be honest, I wanted to tell him everything as soon as he’d told me the story of how he lost his family, I wanted him to know that I had been the one who truly fucked up and committed the ultimate betrayal. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t bring up my heavy baggage when he was already suffering though his own. 

It was there though and I felt that confiding in each other was the best thing for us. We needed to be open about these things. We needed to talk about it, comfort each other, and help each other find our way to forgiveness. One day, we could be free. We could be truly happy without our pasts haunting us. I really believed that with all of my heart and I was looking forward to it. With Boruto by my side and me by his, I knew we could conquer anything. Something else I’d realized that night when we cried together was something I couldn’t yet admit aloud. 

I loved Boruto. 

I was in love with Boruto. 

I couldn’t picture a moment of my life without him. 

Boruto was alive. He was here, every day. He was by my side, living, breathing. I couldn’t get over that fact. I had to look out for him above everything else now. I couldn’t risk losing him. I wanted to be even more serious in our relationship. I wanted to prove that I loved him. I wanted to dedicate my heart to him fully, even if Hōki would always have a piece of me, Boruto had come into my life and pieced back together my shattered heart, little by little. I owed him so much and that’s what I had to tell Hōki. And for the first time, I was able to accept the fact that this was what he would want. 

Hōki would want me and Boruto both to be happy. 

We went back to our daily lives, putting that hard day behind us. There was a shift in our feelings ever since then though. Things were a little softer, a little more intense. I knew Boruto thought a lot about me, just as I did him. We still stuck to our routine for the most part and enjoyed our days together. I was so thankful to have him—so happy to have him next to me. He still had yet to question me about my own darkness, but I was sure it was something he wanted to know. And there had been times I caught him gazing at the pictures of Hōki and myself around the apartment. It was hard not knowing what he saw when he looked at them. He didn’t know who Hōki was… though he could have already figured everything out on his own and just didn’t want to say anything to me about it. Regardless, I was just trying to find the right time to tell him everything. 

Sometimes it slipped my mind and I didn’t think about it, other times I held myself back from just blurting it out and ruining our day. I wasn’t sure when it would happen, but it seemed as if that time had been chosen for me. It was on a Sunday when Boruto and I had gone on a date. We went out for lunch, did some window shopping and were walking along hand in hand until it hit me. I was such an idiot, having not been paying attention to anything more than him. He was distracting that way… he was so good at clearing my mind of anything else. 

It didn’t matter though, when I’d looked away from him and noticed where we were. I couldn’t believe I’d been so oblivious to my surroundings, to get so close to the one place I absolutely avoided at all costs. It was just out of nowhere and there I was, staring right at the very place that had taken Hōki from me. I froze immediately upon the realization, my vision turning white for what felt like an eternity and everything flashed through my mind. I remembered every single detail as if it were yesterday. I would never forget. Ever. 

“-waki-kun? Kawaki-kun!” Boruto called and held my face in his hands. “Look at me, that’s it. It’s alright. Come with me now, follow my voice.”

Though I was shaking and breathing erratically in panic, Boruto’s voice and touch coaxed me along. He pulled me away and I didn’t dare look back at that dreadful place, but it was too late anyway. I’d already laid my eyes on it, I’d already relived that night a thousand times just in a single moment. Boruto led me to a bench down the street and forced me to sit down where I doubled over and tried to breathe. I knew I needed to calm down, but all I could see was Hōki dead in my arms… and blood everywhere. 

“Oh no you don’t, come back to me.” Boruto pressed. “I’m right here, Kawaki-kun.” He said and moved to kneel on the ground, taking my face into his palms again. “Look at this chunky monkey.”

My arms wound around him and I moved my forehead to his shoulder as I tried to listen and breathe. I would eventually settle down, I knew he would make it easier on me. But I couldn’t find my voice to reassure him, I still couldn’t get those images out of my head and there was nothing I hated more. That wasn’t how I wanted to remember Hōki. It was the picture from my worst nightmares, but this nightmare in particular was unfortunately my reality. It was too real, inescapable. 

Boruto held onto me firmly and suddenly started humming loud and clear. There was no uncertainty in his voice—that voice that was so special and dear to me. That beautiful voice that I knew had so much potential—even more than my own. I finally sucked in a full breath though it was a gasp, quakey. My eyes widened as I listened, focusing solely on him—his arms around me, his fingers sliding through my hair, that voice soothing me so perfectly. 

I never wanted him to stop. Listening to him drowned out the pain, it painted over those visions. He replaced my anguish with something wholesome and beautiful. I squeezed him against me, tighter than I ever had and didn’t fight the tears that spilled down my cheeks. His T-shirt was soaking them up, but I couldn’t ever feel guilty about it. I just had to let it out, I had to listen to him, and then I would be back to normal. 

He hummed through an entire song and even repeated the last few verses more than they would have originally been sung through. Then he spoke again. “It’s okay, Kawaki-kun. I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry.” I croaked, clinging to him desperately. 

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s alright.” He said and kept massaging my scalp. “You’re doing well. No yelling whatsoever, much better than me in the bathroom that night.”

But in the blink of an eye, our date had been ruined. Because I couldn’t hold it together. “Boruto…”

“What is it?” He asked and turned his head to kiss my temple.

“I love you.”

Boruto froze, lips still brushing against my skin. “E-eh?”

“I… I mean it.” I breathed, still shaking and trying to steady myself. “I love you… but…”

Boruto pulled back and held my head in place, kissing me with a fierceness I had never see in him before. He didn’t give me a chance to kiss back either, pushing his tongue in my mouth and swirling it around my own. The kiss lasted for at least a minute and even he was having trouble breathing when he pulled back.

“You crazy bastard.” He smiled, blue eyes bright. “I love you too.”

My heart swelled as I stared at his face, feeling a calm wash over me. “But… there’s more…”

“Okay . . . I’m listening.” He promised.

I pulled in a breath and didn’t look away from him as I spoke again. “There’s someone else that I love too… and I need you to accept that.” I blurted it out before I lost my nerve and then added, “I want… I want you to meet him.”

Boruto blinked at me, as still as a statue. “That’s . . . ominous. But I trust you, so I’ll come with you.” He said. “Although if you make me regret trusting you . . . I’ll smack you. Again.”

I nodded slowly, hoping from the bottom of my heart that he would accept Hōki because I would never be able to change how I felt. I didn’t want him to be jealous or think that my love for him wasn’t true, because it was. But my love for Hōki would never die. It was a major step just for me to share him with someone… but I wanted to share him with Boruto. 

I got up slowly and wrapped my arm around his shoulder, feeling much calmer. “We can take the bus to get there.”

“Alright.” He said and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Lead on oh fluffy one.”

A smile found my lips at how he tried to cheer me up and settle me—and always succeeded. We made our way to the bus stop and rode the bus until we made it to the stop closest to the cemetery. I couldn’t bring myself to begin explaining. I wanted to get there first. I wanted Hōki to be there when I told Boruto everything, because that’s what felt right. 

When we exited the bus, I took his hand in mine and we walked down the sidewalk slowly while I was trying to collect my thoughts and figure out how I was going to force it all out. In the end, I wasn’t able to form a plan at all, but I didn’t dread on it. My hold on Boruto’s hand tightened when we reached the cemetery and I breathed deeply before pulling him past the gates. 

Boruto remained silent and I didn’t dare peek at his face as I walked the familiar path to Hōki’s grave. It was only a moment later that we were standing before it and I closed my eyes, trying not to think of those horrific images that were forever imbedded in my mind. 

“Finally I get to do this in person.” Boruto said, squeezing my hand. “Hi.”

My heart skipped a beat and I thanked him silently, squeezing his hand back before kneeling down and laying my free hand atop the tombstone. “Shorty… I brought Boruto today. Because I have to tell him… I want him to know about you.” I said quietly and then peered up at Boruto who had his eyes closed and a soft smile on his lips. “Boruto, this is Hōki. You’ve seen him before… in the pictures around the apartment.”

“Nice to meet you.” Boruto said as he opened his eyes. Then he kneeled down as well, crossing his arms over his knees. “I know first impressions are important and all . . . and I really do hate to say it . . . but you’re shorter in person.”

I rolled my eyes at that, a slight chuckle rumbling in my throat. “He always was short, hence the nickname. But I was the only one who ever called him that.”

“Oh, then were you a tough guy?” Boruto asked him and then added, “Or did you just have Kawaki-kun wrapped around your finger? Maybe both?”

“Definitely both… he was a lot like you in that regard.” I hummed, smiling softly to myself. 

Boruto brought his hand up to his mouth, hiding his lips behind it even though I could hear him. “He doesn’t know it, but it’s because he makes it so easy. Should we tell him? No? Yeah, it’s better if he’s oblivious.”

My brow twitched but I was amused at the way he spoke so freely with Hōki. “Shorty and I grew up together. We started our actual relationship in fifth grade… we were inseparable. We loved each other so much.” It was surprising to me that it didn’t hurt to talk about it… but it felt good. 

“Yeah?” Boruto grinned. “Tell me more.”

I sighed wistfully as I thought back over all the good memories Hōki and I had together. “He was my best friend. He kept me out of trouble, taught me how to play the guitar and made me sing for him all the time like a spoiled brat.” I scowled at that last bit, remembering how he always bugged me about it but I was never able to refuse him. 

Boruto tried to hold back, but he started laughing away. “Kawaki-kun . . . h-he . . . he was training you early on, huh?”

“Shorty always got his way. No matter what.” I shook my head, having never been able to understand how he did it. “But… you know… we were just… together for so long. I never thought we would ever be apart. After my parents died, he was all I had left and he stayed by my side constantly. We had a lot of fun over the years.”

Boruto nodded, listening closely.

“It’s been just over a year ago that I lost him.” I whispered, hating having to go into the bad part of things. “It happened… where we were earlier today, when I just… when I lost it.”

“You can take a break if you need to.” Boruto interjected. “We’ll wait.”

I shook my head and breathed deeply. “I’m okay… I have both of you here for support after all.” I said as I laid my free hand on Boruto’s shoulder, my other remaining on the tombstone. “We went out on a date that day—a few actually. We’d just had dinner and had plans to go home and watch this silly cartoon he was always so crazy about.” I rolled my eyes again. He was mature but had always been a kid at heart… and I wished we would have gotten to watch that cartoon together one last time. 

“I’ve always been easily distracted. I know I should pay more attention to things and I mean to… but my mind drifts and I can’t help it. That’s not an excuse though. But I wasn’t thinking—just like me and you that day at the crosswalk.” I paused there and swallowed hard, taking a moment to breathe. 

“I walked right out in the road, pulling Shorty with me.” My voice broke then and I had to take another moment before I could go on. “I had my earbuds in, so the world around me was tuned out. I couldn’t hear anything except for the song playing in my ears. And then… then… the next thing I knew, I was shoved so hard. I just remember falling on the ground and sitting up… right in time to see the car hit him.”

Boruto had closed his eyes again, face blank as he whispered, “He saved you.” 

I nodded slowly, as much as I hated it. “He was always saving my ass… and I always gave him shit for it. I didn’t want him to. I should have been the one hit and killed that night… but instead it was Shorty. And there I… there I was, cradling his bloody corpse right in the middle of the road.” It was getting hard to breathe again so I flopped back on my ass and ran my hand through my hair. 

“And it wasn’t your fault.” Boruto said, ready and waiting to repeat the words I had said to him.

“It was… but I do know that accidents happen and he would never blame me. He did what felt right and I want to forgive myself… honestly, I have accepted it. I’ve forgiven myself on some accounts, but little things bother me.” I admitted, looking at Boruto earnestly. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come to him crying over you… not knowing what the fuck to do.”

Boruto blinked at me, lips parting. “So . . he knocked some sense into you . . .”

“You could say that.” I smiled in spite of everything. “You talk about fate all the time… and I believe that Hōki brought you to me. To save me from myself. And maybe… maybe he knew you needed me too.”

Boruto grinned gently and looked at Hōki’s grave. “The man behind the strings of fate . . . I think that suits you just fine.”

“Me too.” I nodded in agreement and squeezed Boruto’s shoulder. “But I just… I’ll never stop loving him. But I love you, Boruto. And I hope that you can accept me like this… because Hōki will always be a part of me.”

“If he wasn’t . . .” Boruto trailed. “If you had brought me to meet him and told me about your darkness . . . planning to forget him . . . then I would have smacked you.” He told me. “So ask me again.”

“Will you accept Hōki right along with me?” I asked anxiously, not knowing what I’d do if he refused. 

Boruto shot Hōki a sly smile before saying, “Do monkey’s fling their own shit?”

I busted out laughing so hard it brought tears to my eyes and left my stomach aching. “You’re… god… come here, chunky monkey,” I said, grinning and patting my leg. 

Boruto looked at me, then my leg, and then Hōki, flushing all the while. “Not a chance.” He huffed and then said to Hōki, “Now we’re even in the embarrassing name department I suppose.”

“Hey!” I huffed back. “How are you gonna deny me like that? And I’ll have you know Hōki loved his nickname just as much as you do…”

“In private, not when you go saying it in front of other people.” Boruto said and then gave me a somber look. “Would it be alright . . . if I talked to him alone?”

This surprised me and I looked at Boruto curiously for a moment before nodding once and getting to my feet. “Sure…” I said and then looked down at the tombstone. “See you, Shorty.” I bid him farewell and then walked to a nearby tree to wait. 

“This is quite the situation we’re in, huh?” Boruto started off. “I wonder what it would have been like, if we had met. Do you think we would have become friends?” He asked. “I’d like to think so. I really do . . . eh, I would have been jealous for sure though. Kawaki-kun is a cool guy after all. I can’t say I knew exactly what it was like for you two, but I know it was really special. Anyone can see that, you know?”

He paused for a moment before turning more serious. “I won’t say anything like ‘it’s alright, you can give him over to me’ or some shit like that. It’s insensitive, selfish and just plain disrespectful. But I will say that as long as he’s in my life, Hōki, you won’t have to worry about him. I’ll keep him breathing just like you wanted him to. You can believe that.” He promised. 

“Well, that’s all I really wanted to say I guess. Should we call him back over? No? Oh, what did you want to say?” He paused again, this time longer than the first. “Hm. Yeah . . .” He said and was quiet for a few seconds. “Alright, I’ll call him back over now. Kawaki-kun! We’re done!”

So silly. It was no wonder I’d fallen for him. I walked back over slowly and offered Boruto my hand. “Let’s go home now.”

He took it, letting out an easy breath. “Okay.”

I pulled him against my side, keeping my arm wrapped around his shoulders as I gazed down at him. “Thank you, Boruto.”

He smiled, bright and full of light. “Thank you, Kawaki-kun.”

Losing Hōki would be something I’d never get fully get over, just like Boruto wouldn’t get over the loss of his family, but I knew as long as we had each other, we could get through anything. I would support him just as he supported me and knew that now that everything was out in the open between us, we could be even closer. My respect for him had only grown at how sweetly he’d reacted to Hōki and it meant a lot to me that Boruto understood and accepted Hōki from the bottom of his heart. He was just precious and kind like that. 

It made me love him all the more. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten—** **_Boruto_ **

“Alright, I think that’s the one.” I said after I finished listening to the recording.

Shikadai, Metal and I had been secretly meeting up outside of band practice to polish the final piece of our first album. All the other songs were finished aside from the one I was writing for Kawaki-kun. We had only recorded the instrumental, missing our lead singer and guitarist, but it wasn’t time to integrate him into the song just yet. I had a plan. 

“We’re almost there now.” Shikadai said with a smile. “I still can’t believe we’ll be performing in a few weeks . . . we’re finally taking our first step onto a respected and professional stage.”

“I still can’t believe B managed to score us a spot! Sure it’s just opening for another band, but it’s for  _ Akatsuki _ ! We get to play a whole set too!” Metal grinned excitedly. “I’m so fucking nervous. We’ll be performing on the same stage as those legends . . . would it be unprofessional to ask for an autograph?”

I laughed, shaking my head at him. “Yes, but that’s not going to stop me from asking either. I want to take full advantage of the opportunity or else I’ll regret it big time.”

This chance I was able to snag for us was a miracle and I was nervous about it too. We were opening for one of the best bands around in front of a massive audience, it was our dreams coming true. I knew that no matter what we would play our hearts out and gratefully take the experience. It was getting late and I said my goodbyes to the guys, needing to head home before Kawaki-kun started blowing up my phone. I didn’t want to make him worry and sent him a text saying I was on my way. It was Saturday night, a little over a month since I visited Hōki’s grave. Kawaki-kun and I had gone to see him multiple times since then and I always asked for a story, wanting to learn more about the man behind the strings of fate. 

I had visited Granny Myu earlier this morning and we talked for a good while. She was hounding me about meeting Kawaki-kun officially, my boyfriend never coming inside when he came with me to check in on her. She said it was her right as my adopted grandmother to size him up and give her blessing. I promised he would come see her soon and she promised to make a feast in return. One day I would try to convince her to let me pay for her rent, but for now she still only allowed me to help out with groceries. Regardless, I would make sure she was taken care of and I owed her so much. I picked up some sweet buns on my way home and was pleased to find the buses fairly empty tonight making travel time quick. 

When I reached the apartment building and went inside, I could smell food all the way from the hallway leading back to our front door. A wide grin spread across my face as I entered the apartment and my stomach growled. After I took off my shoes and hung up my jacket, I went towards the kitchen as the sound of Kawaki-kun’s humming caressed my ears. There had been some changes around the place during these last couple of weeks. Now that we felt truly settled with each other, completely baring our hearts and our own darknesses, we were setting our home as well. It was a collection of small changes here and there that had made all the difference. 

Hikosa’s family had returned any and all pictures, property and belongings that bastard had somehow managed to get his obsessed hands on. I was glad that creep was in jail and hoped his family learned that money wasn’t the answer to everything. Pictures of my family and Kawaki-kun’s family now hung on the walls along with photos of Hōki. We had started putting pictures of ourselves up too, some with the band and others with just the two of us. Our movie collection expanded as well as my stash of notebooks under our bed. We were starting new chapters in our lives, but we still held the old ones close to our hearts. 

We wouldn’t forget the past, but we wouldn’t let it keep us from our future. I quietly set the bag of sweet buns on the counter before I walked up to my boyfriend and hugged him from behind. “I’m home.” I sighed happily. “It smells great in here, what are you making?”

“Welcome home.” Kawaki-kun hummed. “Chicken and broccoli. It’s almost done.” 

I peeked around him at the stove, almost drooling at the sight. It looked as good as it smelled. “Ooo, I can’t wait. I bought cinnamon rolls for dessert.” I told him and then added, “Are we still on for tonight to watch that new alien movie you rented?” 

“Damn, you make me want dessert before dinner.” He chuckled. “And yeah, of course we are. I can’t wait.”

“It’s gonna be awesome!” I cheered, thinking about the trailer we had seen. “But no sweet buns until after dinner or else you won’t get the surprise I have for you.”

Kawaki-kun stopped what he was doing and turned around to face me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “You got a surprise for me?”

“That’s right.” I smiled and got on my tippy toes for a kiss. “Come here and greet me properly.”

He dipped down and kissed me softly, following with a few chaste pecks that covered my lips and cheeks. “Welcome home.” He said again, grey eyes soft and filled with affection. 

My cheeks reddened and my smile grew. I felt so lucky to know Kawaki-kun, to be able to love him and be a part of his life. I knew it from the beginning that he was the one and that we were fated to meet. Of course I couldn’t have known things would turn out the way they did, but I was happy all the same and grateful they turned out this way. I went to the living room to set up our spot on the couch while he finished cooking and put the movie in the DVD player. He brought our plates in when he was finished, followed by our drinks and I got comfy under a blanket. He sat down next to me and I started eating before he hit play, voicing my compliments to the chef. Nothing he ever made came close to disappointment and I was always satisfied by the taste. 

It wasn’t long before the movie drew me in though, the action kicking off right from the beginning. It was a thriller with plenty of gross and oddly shaped creatures trying to exterminate the human race. My eyes were glued to the screen as I ate and sat tucked into Kawak-kun’s side. About halfway through the movie was when it really got to me, my excitement refusing to be contained. The aliens had a group of people cornered and trapped inside an old house that was bigger than our apartment building. I was smacking Kawaki-kun’s leg when I saw a tail peek out from the bottom of the screen, the group completely unaware. 

“Oh my god, they’re here! There's no way they can outrun them!” I squealed in glee. “Their only chance is to lose them in that narrow hallway from earlier.”

Kawaki-kun laughed and his hand that was around me raised to play with my hair. “I think they’re going to all get caught. It’s already over.”

“Only one way to find out.” I grinned, leaning into his touch as I waited to see what happened next.

I had to pause the movie when he got up to get the cinnamon rolls once we both cleared our plates. I snuggled closer to him after he sat back down and we started eating the sweet treat, hitting play to resume the alien thriller. My attention did waver a bit at realizing it was almost time. I would give him the surprise when the movie was over. Even Shikadai and Metal didn’t know all the details despite helping me with it, but it had been a struggle keeping it a secret from Kawaki-kun. I had a lot to think about after I first met Hōki and learned what had happened. I realized that my boyfriend and I shared the same type of darkness, that we both were left with the weight of our guilt and regret. I was able to see myself in him and it opened up another door for me. What happened that day, it wasn’t Kawaki-kun’s fault. 

I didn’t want him to blame himself or think he was unworthy of forgiveness. I knew he felt the same way about me, but during these past two weeks I was finally able to see it that way for myself. I couldn’t say he could forgive himself without allowing the same privilege to me. I had to try, I had to forgive myself for Himawari’s death, I had to let myself take hold of the key now that I knew what it looked like. These past two weeks were enough to help me use it. The guilt would always be there as well as the regret, but forgiveness could be there too. If Kawaki-kun thought I was deserving then I should too. Little by little I practiced, my time limited to when he was taking one of his cat naps. It was too risky when he was awake and his sharp ears would no doubt hear me. I was still a bit hesitant about the whole thing, but I need to take that first step. 

I had promised he would be the first to hear me and I intended to keep that promise. I stopped him from putting our dishes in the kitchen when the credits started rolling and I turned off the TV, heart pounding. Kawaki-kun looked at me with an arched brow, studying my face curiously. 

“Is something wrong?” He asked, face beginning to fall as concern took over his curiosity. 

I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “Your surprise.” I said and pulled my phone out from my pocket. “Prepare yourself.” I said with a small smile.

“Shit, you’re scaring me.” Kawaki-kun muttered, watching me carefully. “I don’t know if I’m prepared…”

“Me either, but I want to give this to you anyway.” I said and held his hand. Then I closed my eyes, taking another deep breath as my pulse continued to beat rapidly. It was time to sing his song. 

I pressed play to start the recording on my phone and let the music work it’s magic. I let the familiar and oh so personal melody calm me and began singing with a clear voice. I knew early on what Kawaki-kun meant to me, the last note of a song, an irreplaceable presence that I treasured. But most of all . . . he was my moon. He shined brighter than any star, he lit up the darkness and even when it threatened to overcome him I knew he was still there. His light wasn’t particularly warm or cold, but it was beautiful and unconditional. It was something that protected me and I wanted to protect it too in return. Sometimes he changed just like the moon’s phases, he had his good and bad days just like everyone else, but he always came back to me without fail. 

I had long ago dealt with my inner darkness although sometimes it would remind me of its presence. But with Kawaki-kun here, I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. I didn’t have to hide that part of myself and I didn’t have to battle it alone. He was watching over me and would be there when I needed him. He was unearthly, his voice as majestic as the heavens. He was imperfect, taking it day by day and trying his best just like I was. He was unique, not a soul out there like him and he made me feel what no one else ever had before. He was my first love . . . and I loved him dearly, more so than I could express but I would do my damndest to. I put all of my feelings into the song and put Kawaki-kun's essence into the lyrics. 

It felt good to finally sing again, but the best part was singing for him. I would serenade the moon for as long as I lived and continue to write songs about it’s glory. This was just the first song of many. I opened my eyes when I was finished, throat a little dry and hand holding tight to his. Kawaki-kun just stared at me for a moment, lips parted as he breathed. His grey eyes were wide, looking as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. His mouth opened further and he sucked in a harder breath, preparing to speak and then he clamped it shut and released my hand to pull me into a strong hug. When his lips pressed against my ear, I could feel him smiling. 

“I fucking love you.” He whispered, squeezing me even tighter. “You’re amazing. Your voice is beautiful… I wish… will you show me again? I want to listen to you forever.”

“I’ll sing anytime for you.” I said, hugging back. “I love you, Kawaki-kun. This . . . it wouldn’t have been possible without you. You know?”

“That was all you, Boruto.” He breathed softly and pulled his head back enough to be able to kiss my cheek. “I didn’t do anything… and the lyrics were beautiful. My heart is still pounding.”

“I didn’t hold anything back.” I giggled, more than flattered. “And you did do a lot even if you won’t admit it.” He had helped me so much. “Thank you.” I whispered.

Kawaki-kun loosened his hold on me while leaning back until his face was in front of mine. “You blew me away. You always do.” He said with a soft smile, his hand cradling my face, thumb brushing over my lips and cheek. “I’m the one who should be thanking you. You make me feel so alive.”

I stole a kiss, staring up at him fondly. “That’s how I like you.” Alive and breathing.

“I need more than that. Kiss me like you mean it.” He said, his smile turning into a sly smirk. 

“You beast.” I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Your wish is my command, oh fluffy one.” I kissed him hard, running my fingers through his hair as I gave him everything he desired. It easily turned into one of our more steamy make out sessions and my cheeks flushed when I saw a thin string of saliva connecting our mouths after I pulled back.

“Still not enough.” Kawaki-kun teased. “I want more. Actually… I want everything.”

A chill ran down my spine. Did he mean what I thought he meant? “Everything?” I questioned, unsure and excited. 

He nodded, nose rubbing over mine. “Everything.” He confirmed and slid the backs of his fingers down my throat, his touch light yet tantalizing. “I don’t want to hold anything back anymore either.”

I swallowed, heart beating faster again as my blush deepened. We had only been intimate in that way once before. “Okay.” I said, wanting it more than anything. “If . . . if you want.”

“Do you want it?” Kawaki-kun asked quietly, fingertips teasing my collarbones under the collar of my T-shirt. 

“Kawaki-kuuuun.” I whined, knowing he meant well but his words making me feel embarrassed. “Don’t ask me that . . . of course I want it.”

“You sure? You don’t ever act like it.” He murmured, sliding his fingers a little lower.

“T-that’s . . . I’m not going to suddenly jump you or anything.” I said as his feather light touches started driving me crazy. 

“Why not?” He pressed, lowering his lips to my neck. He kissed me there softly, just a slight suckle as his hand continued to tease me. 

I mewled under his ministrations and fisted his shirt. “I don’t have that kind of confidence.” I breathed, already feeling like puddy in his hands. 

Kawaki-kun breathed on my neck, his parted lips ghosting up and down and making me shiver. “You should. Don’t you know how much I want you?”

“No.” I confessed, telling him the truth. 

This was the only area in our relationship I was unsure of. I could never bring myself to make the first move and didn’t have the courage to take it farther than kissing. That strip tease I had done was as bold as I could get aside from flirting, I honestly didn’t know what it took to make Kawaki-kun want me in such a way. I wasn’t as seductive as I tried to be. I knew he thought I was attractive, I had experienced those eyes staring at me in want, but there was still this doubt. I couldn’t help letting my inexperience get the better of me.

“You gotta be kidding me.” He chuckled and grabbed my hand, pulling it over and settling it on his hardness concealed only by the joggers he was wearing. “Holding back has been so fucking hard. I want my chunky monkey so bad.”

“Eek!” I squeaked, my shyness overcoming me as I pulled my hand away. “W-warn a guy.” I chided, face burning, but I wasn’t really complaining. “You’re really okay with . . . you still want to go all the way even though I’m . . . you know . . .” I didn’t want to disappoint him.

“Even though you’re what?” He asked curiously and laid his hand over mine, this time not moving it. 

He was going to make me say it even though I told him before. “A-a virgin.”

“You think that would turn me off?” Kawaki-kun laughed. “It actually makes me want you more. But I’m not going to rush you okay? We will just take that step when you’re ready to.”

I was admittingly waiting for him to make a move and now that he had I didn’t want to wait. “I’m ready . . . just don’t set your expectations too high.” I said and stood up from the couch, offering him my hand. “Eh, let’s um, move this to the bedroom.”

Kawaki-kun took my hand and got up from the couch slowly. “You know I’ll take care of you, right? You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“I know.” I said and gave him a smile. “I’m just nervous.” I wasn’t even sure if my jumbled up feelings were making sense.

“That’s okay. I understand… I was nervous my first time too. I think everyone is. But once we get started, you won’t have time to be nervous.” He smirked at me and then started walking towards our room, pulling me behind him. 

I bit my lip at his words, wondering what he had in store for me. Once we reached the bedroom, he closed the door and led me over to our bed. He pulled the covers back and got in first, tugging on my hand until I was settled in next to him. His arm wrapped around me and he smiled as he inched his face closer to mine. 

“If you change your mind and want to stop at any time, all you have to do is tell me. Promise you will.”

“I promise.” I said and started playing with the collar of his shirt. My blue eyes kept flickering between his grey ones and his lips, heart beginning to pound again. “If it’s anything like last time, I won’t want to stop.”

“It’s going to be a lot better than that time.” He said with certainty and then kissed me, his lips moulding together with mine in a slow and tender kiss while his hand at my back began roaming. 

His touch was like a gentle massage, running up to my shoulders and over my side and hip. The next kiss was firmer and he sucked on my bottom lip teasingly, slipping his warm hand under my shirt. Kawaki-kun’s hand was so big and warm against my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake and making me shudder. His kisses were soft and endearing, making my heart beat faster and faster with each touch. Each one lingered and then his lips pulled away from mine, his head rising just far enough for his grey eyes to roam over my face, locking on my eyes and then my lips before diving back in.

As the kisses continued, I reached up, letting my fingers slide into his hair and whimpered into his mouth when the tips of his fingers ghosted over my nipples. The lust in his eyes was near smoldering, yet there was an undeniable mix of affection along with it that had me melting beneath him. There was a desperateness there as well, but he was beyond patient in everything he did.

Every kiss. Every caress. Every whisper.

It was perfect. Emotional. Intense. Kawaki-kun was able to work me up so quickly, just from his mouth, tongue and hands that took their time worshipping my body. It soon became frustrating, the need for release too great. I could do nothing but writhe beneath him and plead for him to do something-- anything to put me out of the pleasurable misery he delivered me.

I thought it had to be over soon, but I was so wrong.

“Relax,” He breathed against my lower abdomen, leaving a hot, open-mouthed kiss just below my navel. 

When his lube-coated fingers found their way to my entrance, my hips thrusted upward in surprise. Kawaki-kun used his free hand to place it over my stomach and hold me down. Every sweet nothing he whispered to me only made me more crazy for him. I was completely pliant and wanton for him, laid bare and waiting. 

Having him stretch me open was strange. It wasn’t unbearable, wasn’t exactly painful, but it didn’t feel the greatest either. At least not until he curled his fingers and found a spot inside me that had my vision going white and a scream escaping me. The feeling was so intense, it had me babbling and whimpering constantly while he continued to whisper these reassuring praises that left my stomach coiling and my heart soaring.

“So beautiful. So good for me. I’ll take care of you.”

Every word was so heartfelt and so filled with adoration. I wasn’t sure if it was that or the fact that I had never been so worked up in my life-- or a combination of the two-- but tears were soon pricking at my eyes and I was begging him to do something.

Anything.

And finally, though Kawaki-kun still moved slowly and carefully, we became one.

It was perfect. More than I could have ever imagined it being. He kissed me deeply, portraying his feelings for me in how gentle and thoughtful he was in his movements. All the while, I just held onto him, kissing him back in between moans, the occasional tear slipping down my cheek. It was the most intimate experience of my life and only solidified the fact that I loved him from the bottom of my heart.

Once it was over, he held me close to him and I breathed him in, kissing his chest and snuggling close to him. I felt drained, but only in a euphoric sense. I knew I had never been more content in my life and certainly not so in love. Kawaki-kun changed so much for me since he’d come into my life… or since I’d barged into his. Thinking so had a pleased smile morphing my features and I cuddled closer to him, tucking my arm around his waist. He kissed the top of my head and began humming a soft lullaby to me-- ever the big bad softie.

So full of Sweet Melodies.

I looked forward to hearing them for the rest of my life.


End file.
